AIBU never to forgive

I know what you mean, "in the middle of nowhere" - that's where we are.
Sounds as if you have a wonderful husband!

Mine only offer CBT! - it is dreadful that each authority picks a therapy (probably the one that seems most cost-effective) and confines themselves to this one-size-fits-all approach. So many people slip through the net. It really is not good enough that you are so unwell but there is nothing on offer for you. You do need to go back and squeak at them a bit - and I know you should not be in this position and do not really feel well enough to do that, but it may be the only way forward.

I am delighted that you are able to enjoy caravanning on a small site and hope that Easter will bring the sort of weather that means you can sit outside with a cup of tea and enjoy the outdoors.

My mental health team only offer DBT and I failed to get through the assessment for that.

We're going away in the caravan at Easter. For some reason my anxiety levels drop when we're on a very small campsite in the middle of nowhere. Maybe I should become a hermit (well as long as I can have internet access lol).

Hope you're getting over the hurt feelings slowly, VQ.
I don't know what your mental health problems are, but try to take positive action - as Mishap suggests, CBT, or some kind of group therapy. You need to learn to trust some people in the real world.
I had mental health problems at one time, due to overwork, family problems etc, and group therapy was my lifeline. I found out how others were suffering too, and got a lot of support.
Time is a great healer.

This experience has just reinforced your perception that the real world is a scary place; and it would be huge shame if this curtailed your life even more.

Have you tried CBT vq? - it might really help you - it is designed for just these sort of situations. It may be that this very negative experience could be the impetus for positive change; a catalyst that can encourage you to try a new treatment. It would be one in the eye for this lady who has hurt you so.

CBT can help to stop you brooding on it, which is inevitable if you are are home all the time as Anya says.

We are all rooting for you.

VQ I agree with all the advice below so just sending a big (((hug))). You have not been your usual funny self for a while. Take care

This isn't meant unkindly VP so please don't take it as such.

If you are housebound, as I know you are unless taken out, then hurtful things can fester so much more. You have more time to think about them and worry away at the hurt and pain.

The 'real world' is not a bad place. Even if you don't feel able to interact with other people easily outside your own home, there are other things that might give you pleasure and take your mind off this present hurt.

Perhaps your DH could take you somewhere that would lift your mood? It may sound trite to suggest you 'get out more' and I understand you won't go by yourself, but the basic concept about broadening your horizons is a good one

I do hope vq that you will surface from this setback and find a way to be out in the world again. Don't let one strange person stop you - it is her problem and not yours. Look after yourself.

Have you read the thread / blog on toxic friends?

Thank you everyone. I'm trying to drag out of it. Unfortunately it has reinforced in me why I avoid the real world. Hey ho. I'm happy with my virtual friends

VQ I am so sorry that you have been ill and been so hurt. I can only echo what everyone else has said, and I hope you find some comfort in that. It is, by the way, good to see you back. Sending a little

How are you doing vq? - it would be good to hear from you.

Writing a letter to her setting out exactly how you feel and then burning it is supposed to be a good way of moving on.

Perhaps write to her and set out your reasons for wanting to break contact with her?

If she doesn't realise how badly her actions have hurt you it would at least set her straight and may make her think about her behaviour.

Or just write the letter and rip it up! I know how these things can rankle, but your health has to come first.

Would she be hurt if you had done it to her do you think?

I am so sorry that you have been so ill vampire What a horrible experience and what a vile woman. Refuse anymore contact with her and cut her right out of your life. You are worth so much more. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that you are one of my favourite people on Gransnet and I worry about you if we don't hear from you for a while. There are nice people around still, but sadly this lady wasn't one of them.

Just keep your distance vq - you do not need this person in your life and are better of without her. Just now you need to stick with the people who are genuine - your family. And your friends here on Gransnet. Just ignore her messages and opt for a peaceful life.

vamp you are kind, thoughtful and generous.
This 'friend' has not only taken advantage of you, but done that at a time when life was not easy, and has abused your generosity; sadly there are people for whom that behaviour is normal and they are toxic but luckily few.
You are not at fault and you feel very bruised and battered -it will pass but takes time.
Be kind to yourself, and I hope you start feeling better soon (((hugs))) and x

She either has a personality disorder or she is very very manipulative, vq

Deep breaths, calm, yoga and tell yourself it is her that has a problem, not you, you are kind and lovely.

How can you pretend to be someone's friend, betray them in the most horrendous fashion and then expect everything to be hunky dory after a couple of weeks? She knows what she did and how it affected me but she doesn't seem to understand that I have no wish to ever see or be contacted by her again.

So sorry to hear you have been so poorly vampirequeen. You have obviously been betrayed very badly by someone who you trusted and from what I can gather from you post "she" seems oblivious to the hurt and upset she has caused you. Why else would she send the message asking advice about the car and asking how you are etc. is it possible that she really doesn't know/understand that whatever she has done has effected you so badly? Is it too late to talk it through?

I do hope you are feeling stronger and send you very best wishes.

You're hurting because you're the sort of person who wouldn't inflict that sort of pain on someone else and can't understand how they can do such awful things. Which means that you are above such behaviour and therefore you must try not to let that behaviour hurt you because you DON'T deserve it. Hug and .

Dear vq. I realise how fragile you are and have been. You would do yourself no good at all by going anywhere near or having anything to do with this person. Your husband is right and he must know you better than any of us do. Please block her phone calls if you have that facility, ignore any communications from her and, if necessary, let your husband deal with her. Do come and vent to us if you feel the need. Anonymity is an advantage among us.

I so miss your 4 line poems, How about doing one X

Dear vampirequeen I know the mindset when you talk about suicide but on clearer thinking, no-one is worth it, no-one. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What is our saying on GN? This too will pass.

I feel for you and understand entirely when you are talking about someone betraying your trust in this way. You have let her in and told her about personal stuff only for her to throw it back in your face which is abysmal behaviour. You probably have questioned your own judgement on trusting this woman and thought that you had it right when you were providing meals for her and your OH doing jobs for her. You thought that she was a trustworthy person. But you were proved wrong.

I know how you feel because I moved house last October. I had lived in the last area for 35 years and had some friends/acquaintances come and go in that time, some still around as I left. But I left without saying anything to anyone. One "friend" who had been a friend for over 20 years used to hide in the kitchen with her children occasionally when I called. Not all the time, other times she would invite me in, have coffee, share experiences, problems and confidences but to be ignored when you know she is in is awful and not just the once neither. So I didn't tell her I was going. My next door neighbour, after knowing me for 13 years, got me wine and nutty chocolates for my last (50th) birthday, I don't drink and I'm allergic to nuts. Not just that but she was having an affair with a married man, had been for over 20 years. She did not care one bit for the wife, wanted him to leave her. It showed me a different side to her I didn't like. I didn't tell her I was leaving.

I didn't tell anyone, we just left. I have since been in my new house, feeling like I have been recovering from having these people in my life.(And some more personal stuff too.) I'm not concerned about them, just their behaviour has left me a bit raw and I am taking time out to get better from it before I go out and find new friends in this area. I will try to be a little bit wary though but like Nonnie said, I will not change myself just because others act strange at times. I have had some great friends in my life, they have come and gone just like I have in theirs but there will be others, ones I can trust and get along with and others who will be two faced and need to be dumped.

You take some time out to get over this, look after yourself but please do not ever think of ending it all for anyone. Life is precious. Get plenty of hugs off your OH and pamper yourself a bit and come on here and then we know that you are ok. You will get over this, it just takes time. I would either change my phone or number, just ignore her. She isn't worth giving an explanation to. Concentrate on you. Be strong, you are a valuable person and much loved by the ones around you. X