dirty old men

Have you decided what you are going to do?

wendy the wolf whistles are disgusting, how dare they assume that we women are so flattered to get attention from a man that we will like a whistle. They are depraved we have moved on from simpering little dolls who blush and enjoy wolf whistles. I always used to put up 2 fingers if they whistled me.

Tell him you are going to the police for sexual harresment then make a point of taking names of those around you as your witnesses

No this is not a self help group just a few people in the community centre, most are elderly or had health prob and I thought it ideal as I was getting over my op. Elrel.

Etheltbags - is this a self help group or is there a conveyor or organiser? Even if it's informal someone 'in charge' should listen to you and deal with your unpleasant problem. Where is the group held? If it's a college, hospital or community centre I'm sure someone senior would want to know about such harassment on the premises for which they are responsible.
Does the man, if ill or mentally disabled, need a lot more supervision than he currently gets?
Anyway I hope you do find a solution so that you can enjoy your art group in peace again.

I never minded wolf whistles. I did find unwanted attention on crowded trains, men forcing their legs between your knees when you were sitting and they were standing. Hands up your skirt (mini). I used to balance on one stilleto heel on their foot. If they yelled, you had the wrong man lol. I remember once saying to a man 'would you mind telling this man to keep his hands to himself' but he just turned away embarrassed. I was 18.

Grabba, Sugarpuffairy, sillyoldbird and Annamika all very sensible suggestions.

Ethel this is just awful to have to put up with and very hard to just ignore. It's assault and you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. Telling someone to stop doesn't always work either.

You would hope the other people at the art class would band together and tell this man his behaviour is inappropriate and to leave. Sadly people more often than not don't speak up.

People have been done for assault for throwing water over someone. Best not do it.

Sorry, this is sexual harassment and should NEVER be tolerated. if he tries anything the next time, say in a very loud voice "you are sexually harassing me (and say exactly what he is doing). If you continue I WILL report you to the police. I have witnesses who have now heard me warning you". If he then continues, you must report him to the police. His comments "may" in his mind be harmless banter but could hide something more sinister so the police would give him a verbal warning at the very least and undertake some background checks. Often these folk get off on your embarrassment and the fact you are likely not to say anything as he can then say you let him on etc. Letting everyone in the room know you won't tolerate his behaviour may give other ladies he pesters the courage to stand up to him too. He may then get bored and leave the group.

Never hit him (unless it's self defence) or you could be prosecuted. Even accidently on purpose spilling water on him could be construed as an assault so verbal warning only UNLESS he physically tries to touch you. Then remove his hand and say loudly "how DARE you touch me in that manner, if you touch me like that again, I will contact the police"

Ps, say it quite loudly so others hear you.

Don't wait for him to try it on again.
At the next class speak to him straight away and tell him you are fed up of his silly juvenile behaviour and to stay away from you.
He will probably claim not to know what you mean. Say "Fine, as long as you stay away from me."

You could film him on your mobile, then take the evidence to the Police.

I would not spill coffee on him or physically hurt him because (although harsh) you could be done for assault. I agree with another comment about throwing water over him though. If you are happy to raise your voice to him then do that otherwise if you can ask a strong member to speak to him on your behalf then that is also fine. If none of these work then threaten to go to the police/authorities.

Good luck.

Attention seeking ooonana ? That's not attention seeking, it's sexual harassment and not to be tolerated.

Surely the most important thing is that a woman can go to any event and be safe from men taking advantage. No matter what the cause of the man;s conduct a woman should be safe. Report it to Social Services as a vulnerable adult who is being sexually abused in an art class.
There is no excuse!
SPF

ooonana Would you tell a young woman who was being touched up by a man and experiencing all sorts of unwanted physical attention and unpleasant sexual innuendo to "ignore it"?

If he's seemingly rational and coherent as EthelTbags says, I would be inclined to ask another person at the group to accompany me and have a word with him in private. Then ask him to explain why he felt able to do this and tell him it must stop immediately. I would also say that any further incidents would be reported - to his family/friends/the police (if appropriate ).

I have been in contact with dementia patients who have shown sexually inappropriate behaviour many times (when my father was in residential care) and usually by the time this behaviour starts their illness is quite advanced and obvious to others. I suspect this man just can't control himself and has been getting away with it for a long time, perhaps due to his age. Asking him to account for his behaviour and telling him of the potential consequences in reasonable, but firm way might just convince him you're serious.

I hope you get it sorted Etheltbags.

He's attention seeking, so completely ignore him. Sit somewhere else.

How about a big loud 'NO!' That's what I did automatically, without thinking, when a fellow volunteer (with mild learning disability) at a charity shop came up behind me and put his hands on my neck. He didn't try it again and we now have normal friendly chats when we meet.
The class surely has a conveyor or leader to whom you could complain. A threat from them to exclude him if he doesn't stop may solve the problem. Of course if his harassment is a symptom of dementia it's a different matter.

Just tell him, loudly enough for others to hear, to leave you alone and keep his hands and any other parts of his anatomy to himself.

I think Hilda's suggestion is possibly the best one here. Joyce Grenville voice (can you do that?) will work a treat. Might, of course, have the opposite effect but then you just screech "help" at the top of your voice and let the others come to your rescue - seems they might be enjoying your discomfort a bit too much. So time to call time as they say. Good luck

bikergran I agree. This behaviour is unacceptable. If he is targeting someone in a closed environment where he knows he could be challenged I would be concerned he is also doing this elsewhere.

You could check with the local police, he may be known to them

I would certainly not put up with this behavior..and yes if he does have dementia!! he hasn't got it that much as he! if he is still astute enough to put stuff down in his trousers to make him "bulky"!! sounds like he is well aware of what he is doing to me.why does he not target everyone if he has dementia, surely he would be saying it to all, but he has picked you out, he needs telling and the "loud voice" sounds like the best idea at the mo, although if your friends in the class are aware of you "tormentor" then you need to speak to the also, other than that If nothing else is done about it I would be having a word with the police,there is no need to put up with it, what if he targets others.
Hope you get it sorted and soon.

I am shocked that anyone would think this is anything other than assault.

Change the scenario to a young woman being harassed like this?

Would anyone find that acceptable? From the other comments it seems it wouldn't be acceptable if it was a 40 plus man who was harassing a 20 year old woman. Why is this different?

I would advise you contact any local service who offers help and advice to people who are targeted in this way.

He is invading your space and it sounds like the others in your group are colluding with him allowing this behaviour to carry on.

What ever the reason behind it you are entitled to enjoy your activity without interference.

Please don't feel you have to put up with this, it is unacceptable behaviour

Always best to remain aloof and dignified in these circumstances or he could turn it around and make you the aggressor. Talk to the rest of the group...even if its just one person, to gauge their feelings and then use the raised voice and walk briskly away. These types...sexual deviants.....get their jollies from goading a response from you...the more rattled and shocked you are...they more they like it.