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dirty old men

(134 Posts)
etheltbags1 Fri 21-Aug-15 21:32:06

Am I being unreasonable to expect men aged 80+ to be polite, and reasonably behaved. I would have thought men of that age would have learned how to behave.
I joined an art and craft class where members are all over 60, one character is aged 88 and a sex pest, he only targets me the youngest and touches my leg regularly, makes innuendoes and last week he thrust his pelvis several times into my side as I sat, if I had turned my head he would have been in my face. He had an object in his trousers, I think a tea towel or suchlike to make an enormous bulk and he asked me if that was enough. I tried to ignore him but hes just a pest. I have been advised to hit him, threaten him, throw water over him or really insult him. I don't know what to do .This is a self organised group and we do not have a leader.
I really thought that in this day and age sexual harassment was over, no more disgusting wolf whistles as I pass a building site, no more remarks like 'get yer tits oot' as I walk past a group of men, no more being groped or have remarks like, 'can I feel your buns hinny' etc etc and best of all no more groping. However it seems that men just cant help themselves, so shall I hit him, insult him or say something demeaning.

Ana Fri 21-Aug-15 21:36:24

If I didn't know you as a regular poster, ethel, I'd have thought this was one of those school holiday wind-ups!

You're a grown woman, tell him in no uncertain terms to get lost. Loudly.

HildaW Fri 21-Aug-15 21:38:25

Age has nothing to do with it. Once a nasty pervert....always a nasty pervert. He's probably always been like it. Also if he is tipping over into dementia that can make any tendencies more exaggerated.
I'd adopt a Joyce Grenvillel type voice and say....'We don't do that here William (his name), very loudly and clearly.

Luckygirl Fri 21-Aug-15 21:39:29

Yes - do it. Why are you asking what to do? - just tell him to desist.

etheltbags1 Fri 21-Aug-15 21:40:07

No Ana this is not a wind up, I am really shocked at his behaviour. As I said I thought all this sort of stuff was forgotten along with the wolf whistles as I said before.

Luckygirl Fri 21-Aug-15 21:40:55

Dementia can make people disinhibited in all sort of ways, including sexually. He may not always have been like it. But you do need to tell him to stop of course.

Ana Fri 21-Aug-15 21:44:16

You can't expect an 88 year old to have kept up with current attitudes, ethel, plus as Hilda and Luckygirl have said, he may be somewhat confused.

glassortwo Fri 21-Aug-15 21:47:55

I love hildaW approach, may be what he responds too.

Indinana Fri 21-Aug-15 21:59:28

At my MiL's first care home there was an 'incident' which caused some problems for the owners with the CQC. Not long afterwards the owners sold up (not as a direct result of the incident, but because they were struggling on a number of levels). We found a new home for MiL.
We discovered some time later, from someone who had worked there, what the incident was - a male resident had crept into one of the women's bedrooms and raped her. She was in her late 80s and utterly traumatised. From what I gather it's a common hazard, but care home owners and managers have a legal responsibility to ensure all the residents' safety. It's definitely not a role for the faint-hearted shock

etheltbags1 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:00:18

ana why should I not expect an 88 yr old to have kept up with current attitudes, he has tv and can watch the news, also I have listened to his chatter to to other members of the group and he talks about his computer, his high spec camera and other modern technology.
Why should he get away with being an old stick in the mud if that is his problem which I don't believe it is, I feel that its like letting an old person be as insulting as they like and saying 'bless they are old they cant help it'.
Sorry, but I think theres no excuse, we all have to adapt to modern ways and his old b......d will have my full temper to deal with when I next see him if he so much as breathes a rude word.

luckygirl I am quite capable of making him cringe with embarrassment or terrify him with some shouted threats but I simply thought it would be supportive (that's what we do on here isn't it)if you lot gave me yur opinions.

Ana Fri 21-Aug-15 22:03:17

Which we have. Tell him to get lost. Or use Hilda's suggestion.

Not sure what else you wanted people to say...

etheltbags1 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:07:31

neither am I ana, that's why I posted. However if you don't like it then don't reply. You don't have much useful to say at the best of times anyway. angry

Ana Fri 21-Aug-15 22:26:52


Cherrytree59 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:28:36

Sounds like you just wanted somewhere to get it off your chest. Which you have now done. So next time if there is a problem tell him loudly "you are invading my space please move away!". What about asking another male in the group to tall him politely that all members treat each other with respect + his behaviour is unexceptable !

etheltbags1 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:29:30

I am going to punch his nose. Ive decided.

etheltbags1 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:30:56

Well maybe not, Ive not hit anyone since in the playground when I was 5 but I will say something in a loud voice to make him feel so small he will probably not want to come to the group again lol.

Liz46 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:33:16

Have a glass of cold water handy and if he comes too close, pick it up and then accidentally spill it on him if he touches you, preferably down the front of his trousers.

absent Fri 21-Aug-15 22:40:51

Hitting this tiresome man is definitely not the answer. Apart from anything else, you could end up charged with assault. Besides, avoiding physical contact is your aim. Make a loud comment – so everyone in the group hears – about how you don't want him to touch you and don't want to hear his puerile innuendos. Also, is it possible to ask someone else in the group, preferably a well-mannered man, if you could sit/stand beside him because you are being pestered by this fool?

etheltbags1 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:47:36

absent, last week the well mannered man in the group said, 'here is your tormentor', just as the nasty man (for want of a better name) came in. They know what hes like I wonder if he has tried it on with any other members. I will ask them.

etheltbags1 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:49:05

watch this space I will tell all when I see him next. If I can survive wolf whistles I can get over this.

Anya Fri 21-Aug-15 22:50:24

I'm with Absent just say loudly 'take your crotch out of my face' so that everybody hears. This type of sex pest is used to women feeling intimidated and saying nothing. This is how they operate. Shame him.

aggie Fri 21-Aug-15 22:51:43

Sounds like you have made your feeling known already if the classmate calls him your tormentor , I can't understand why you are still getting grief and the rest of the group aren't helping you

etheltbags1 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:53:07

I might ask him if he keeps his money down his pants or maybe just poke him with something to see if it is soft like a tee towel.

fluttERBY123 Fri 21-Aug-15 23:21:57

I really don't know why you have posted this Etheltbags. When you can deal with Ana so efficiently surely you can deal with an old man of 88! Or are you only able to be do that kind of thing on line?

Marelli Fri 21-Aug-15 23:25:17

I think I would have to tell him that he's a very boring, pathetic and silly old man. Laugh at him, walk away, and get on with what you enjoy doing in the class.