No one can warn you

I am so sorry for you and I have an idea of how you feel. And you are right, nothing prepares you for this.

My beloved husband of 41 years died two months ago and,despite a close, loving family, wonderful grandsons and many supportive friends, I remain devastated.
Everybody is so kind and sympathetic and I greatly appreciate that..... but of course, try as the do, they can't really understand the depth of my loss. How could anyone who has not lived through it?
The only advice I can offer you is that if you have widowed friends, talk to them about how you feel. I have found it helpful. They do understand. And there is some consolation in the fact that my husband will never have to suffer this terrible desolation.

By the way, I don't do Facebook, Twitter etc and have never before responded to a post but I felt so sad for you and hope this helps a little.
One day at a time. X

You're the opposite side to me. I use Sniperley.

Do you know where Waterstone's is?
Vennels is up one of the alleyways, or vennels next to Waterstones.
Walk from the Market Square up to the Cathedral and you will pass Waterstone's on Saddler Street.
There's a courtyard - handy if you are meeting someone with dogs, and two floors of tables inside Vennels.
When we first visited our son and his family we found the cafe before he did.

Hi durhamjen - Belmont P&R. Where is the Vennel cafe please? Not familiar with that one.

I do that GreatauntieLinda, except for the cruise.
Do you know the Vennel cafe? That's a good one to go in when you are on your own. There are always things to read in there if you do not want to watch all the couples together.
Which P&R?

Thank you Luckygirl.

So glad you are getting there - you are very courageous picking up the threads. I am sure this is what your dear husband would have wished you to do. I just wanted to say Well Done.

Today I drove to the Park and Ride for Durham. Then visited the Cathedral which was beautiful as always. Took a detour walking back to the Market Place and ended up down by the Elvet Bridge and went aboard the Prince Bishop for a cruise around Durham. All these years and I saw parts of Durham I didn't know existed. Finished off with a small shop at Tesco Durham. Amazing how much less I am spending on food.

Best wishes to my fellow GN posters. Getting there.

Hi Linda not really, I'm at the opposite end of Northumberland, but the northeast grans do travel to meet ups!

Thank you nannieroz11 and annsixty.

Look forward to that janeainsworth. I was at Belford is that near you?

Linda next time you come to Northumberland let us know if you want to meet up, and we could organise something

Oh well done Linda I hope you will find doing that again gets easier each time you do it. Good luck with your future plans .

Well done Linda what a brave lady you are. I wish you well.

Jaxie - your words have been an inspiration.

Just to let my GN posters know that I think I got over one bridge this last weekend. We have (sorry I now have) a touring caravan and have toured since 1976. The caravan is in storage and I went up to north Northumberland and had the storage people put it onto a pitch for three nights. Bob trained me well on how to tow and set up the van. I managed the three nights and almost four days without a tear. I was determined than the van would be a grief free zone. OK I shall probably crash within the week of coming home but feel that I have achieved something.

Thought that my good friends of GN would like to know how I am getting on. Thank you all.

Kind regards - Linda

I am very sympathetic. Please don't take offence at what I have to say. You have been extremely fortunate to have been married to a loving man who evidently cared deeply for you. Therefore you have had years of happiness, being supported emotionally by someone who was lovely to spend time with. Rejoice: some of us who, like me are married to cold, selfish unloving men have no concept of the happiness you have experienced. Think back to the happy times and spend your energies on looking out for others who may need your kindness.

Glad to learn that you have found solace at last.

Dear greatauntlinda, so sorry for your news, you are so right when you say that nothing prepares you for this! I lost my soulmate 5 years ago after 6 years of 'caring', I thought I had done my grieving when he first became ill, how wrong I was! It does get easier to bear but unfortunately the emptiness remains. I have many friends in the 'same boat' and you will find comfort with friends and family. I still find 'letting go' occasionally can be therapeutic, a good sob and pillow bashing once in a while !!!!!! A wonderful post from Claireseptember with brilliant advice. Take care of yourself, we are all rooting for you.

No words. But a ((hug))

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and links. Thank you also to Jane for that beautiful quote.

To all of you missing your partner of so many years, my heart goes to you. None of us know what is around the corner- we always thought DH would not survive beyond age 50 to 55, due to severe kidney damage when young- so every day is a bonus and he will be 70 next year.

It takes time to come to terms with one's fate- and I wish you strength and courage. As we live abroad, we often talk about 'what if' and whether the one left would stay here or go back to be nearer to children and grandchildren. I have no idea- just can't fathom.

(((( hugs ))))

Thank you jane, that's lovely

This thread is making me cry - I don't know how you manage to keep going!

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."
AA Milne
to you all.

winifred01 I think that is the million dollar question, that no one has the correct answer to!

As we are all different and deal with things at different times.

Personally there were days I just kept the doors locked closed the curtains, didn't answer the phone, didn't eat etc etc .

My friends came round but to be honest I just sat there in a daze, then maybe 6/7 mnths on I just didn't want to see them any more, I couldn't be bothered and even now I have not re kindled some of the friendships.

I think the best person was my next door but one neighbor when I look back, she would just ask if I needed milk/food etc and she would produce cottage pies and sandwiches.Some.(and of course my friends on GN ).x

Be there and listen. Talk about memories when your friend wants to. Six months isn't very long.