Gransnet forums


We feel a bit hurt

(16 Posts)
Pittcity Thu 10-Sep-15 12:00:53

Similar thing has just happened to us. DH contacted his cousin in the US for a general chat. He asked how her brother was as we knew his partner was ill. Turns out she died last November and he didn't want anyone to know as he didn't want a fuss!

NfkDumpling Thu 10-Sep-15 08:26:27

(I think Coolgran has the right answer)

NfkDumpling Thu 10-Sep-15 08:25:15

If it was all very low key - as these things often are when the couple is older - most of their more distant friends may only have been told on Facebook. It's used more than email these days for keeping in touch. They may be equally perplexed that you haven't said anything, not knowing that you only look at FB once every blue moon.

(I would never know half the things DD1 is up to if I didn't look on FB every day!)

Indinana Thu 10-Sep-15 08:04:45

I think it's a little surprising given that you do keep in touch with the family. For example, you say that nothing was mentioned about the engagement when you spoke with her parents on the phone. I would imagine you'd have asked after the family in the course of the conversation? If so, that would have been the time for them to tell you. So yes, I would be puzzled n the circumstances. Not sure I'd feel hurt, but definitely puzzled.

rosesarered Wed 09-Sep-15 21:21:33

It does seem surprising that your friends didn't tell you, a wedding in the family is a big thing ( even a quiet wedding.)I can understand you feeling hurt about it.

janeainsworth Wed 09-Sep-15 20:37:28

There's nothing stopping you sending a gift now, Nankate.

When MrA and I got married we had only immediate family present plus three close friends of parents, and did not bother telling anyone else, except for a couple of friends. Lots of people very generously gave us gifts though.
Some people make a big thing of their wedding and others just want it out of the way as soon as possible!

rosequartz Wed 09-Sep-15 19:52:12

Good idea Coolgran65

Coolgran65 Wed 09-Sep-15 19:27:33

I would just send an email and say....' Hey, just seen that xxx got married, how's she doing?'....

elena Wed 09-Sep-15 19:26:22

I agree. Not a big deal. Maybe the parents are not that happy about it and that's why they said nothing in their emails. Or maybe they forgot. Or maybe they thought you knew.

NanKate Wed 09-Sep-15 19:23:38

No we didn't expect an invite but in one of the regular emails or phone calls from them I would have expected a mention of the wedding. We would have sent a gift as they were kind and generous when our DS got married.

We will just wait now until they say something. It just seems rather strange to us.

suzied Wed 09-Sep-15 18:27:56

Maybe the parents weren't that happy about it, who knows. Anyway, does it really matter? Did you hope for a wedding invite? Maybe it was just a really low key event. Not a big deal methinks.

soontobe Wed 09-Sep-15 18:22:20

In reality, how many times have you and her parents sent an email or chatted this year? And who contacted who?

merlotgran Wed 09-Sep-15 18:04:31

I haven't a clue what my cousins' adult children are up to.

thatbags Wed 09-Sep-15 18:03:54

Nor to me.

Would you have known anything about it sooner if you'd looked at Facebook more often? I mean was stuff about her engagement and planned marriage posted on there as it happened? If not, then maybe they didn't tell anyone. They are not obliged to tell anyone of their plans.

harrigran Wed 09-Sep-15 17:57:40


NanKate Wed 09-Sep-15 17:50:38

My DH's cousin lives in Canada and we have kept in touch with her and her husband for many years. They have a daughter who used to visit us in the 1970s and 1980s.

The daughter, who we liked, can best be described a bit like someone from 'The Good Life' and she has led a self sufficient life for as long as we can remember.

She has unfortunately had a number of unhappy relationships and when she was left a couple of years ago we thought that in her mid 40s that was it.

Then we happened to see on her Facebook, which we look at about once a year that she had got engaged last Xmas, however nothing was said to us when her parents phoned for an occasional chat or email.

I then saw a couple of days ago on her Father's Facebook that she had married last weekend. I only knew it as her surname had changed.

We have been told absolutely nothing, even though we thought we were close to the family.

Does this seem odd to you ?