Is my neighbor to loud or am i just BU?

Perhaps ask him to come down to your flat to hear how loud his TV is? Can't help about the footstep noise though.

how should i approach him about it? I dont want to get into a war like i did with the last neighbor i had this is why im so reluctant to complain

You do have a point. It's a common problem and few people are as considerate as you. Any chance of another move to a bungalow?

I do feel for you. I had a problem with a profoundly deaf neighbour who would turn his TV volume right up, unfortunately he sometimes left the TV or radio on all night and didn't notice after he took his hearing aids out. He shouted so loud I could hear all his telephone conversations too. I became quite ill with high blood pressure they think caused by the stress.
I can't offer any solution but mine was solved by my neighbour's untimely death while he was abroad on holiday.

Mention it to him when you see him. Comment on the lack insulation and ask if he can hear you. Then ask him if he realised how much you can hear him.

My previous next door neighbour was deaf and we got used to being able to play music louder than you normally would if you were taking your neighbours into account. When the new neighbour moved in we asked her to tell us if we were too noisy as we'd got used to not being heard. I don't think a lot of people think about it but DH and I have both lived next door to noisy neighbours and know how horrible it can be.

If that doesn't work talk to the housing association.

jasminec Your neighbour has probably been used to not having downstairs neighbours and totally forgotten how to be considerate to others,either that or he has a hearing problem.
I would do as vampie suggests and have a chat with him he should be made aware of the problem and some people don't realise how much noise travels when doors are banged they are oblivious to their own surroundings.
If this doesn't work I can see you going back to your HA and possibly filling in a record form of the problems you are having,with out sounding flippant have you thought of buying him a pair of slippers lol. x glamma

Are you perhaps over sensitive to noise (I ask because I am myself!). When we were first married DH and I lived in a flat and whilst he thought nothing of the noise coming from above, it would drive me demented. One of the reasons I now live in a detached property.

I did speak to the upstairs neighbours and explained we could hear everything (including when they went to the loo!). They did become quieter after that. Perhaps you could invite him in for a coffee and explain, in a friendly way, how noisy it is in your flat and that you would appreciate it if he could turn down his TV/not slam doors etc., you never know he may be completely unaware he is causing your problems.