University visit.

We didn't accompany DD on any of her university open day visits. She went with friends who were looking at the same universities she was interested in, travelling by train and coach. If she'd had to go alone, perhaps she would have asked us. DS's stepsons, on the other hand, have been accompanied by him and d-I-l throughout, driving very long distances in the process.

Like many of the others I didn't do university open days with the DDs. When I was a Sixth Form tutor we used to organise trips to universities for small groups of L6 (16/17 year olds) , often with a member of staff, presumably to ensure the students didn't just disappear into Costa's to shepherd them and help if necessary. I am not sure what use a parent would be and young people really need to be allowed to do this sort of thing independently. He is 19, I understand? Those apron strings must be ready for cutting!

Maybe the teacher is going with a group of young people. Does your son have a mentor Ruby, if so it maybe the mentor is going rather than a teacher. Who is funding the trip?

Try looking at it positively, he wants to go to University, he's selected a specific place he'd like to study at and he's organised/motivated enough to visit at the right time of year. He is growing up

It does seem a bit odd. Perhaps the teacher offered to take anyone who wanted to go and he just took her up on it? None of mine took us along back in the day, they went with friends and cost us a fortune in train and coach fares.

I think it is a good sign, rubylady. It shows he is taking a step into that independence you so wish for him. As for not being told, he is 19 and, officially an autonomous adult. It would be a breach of confidentiality for his tutor to tell you she planned to take him on this visit. If she did and he made a complaint she could lose her job.

DS is a university lecturer and finds parents too often dominate these visits to the disadvantage of their children. The children get pushed into courses they do not really want to do at unoiversities they do not want to go to and he and the rest of the staff have to deal with the ensuing problems.

I didn't go with my eldest- it wasn't usual.
I went with my youngest- it was usual.

The issue here seems to be - why didn't he ask you? Did he think you wouldn't want to take you or did he not actually want to go?
Why did the teacher agree? That isn't usual.

*there, of course!

I didn't go with either of mine. It was better that they made their own minds up, it was their first real decision regarding their lives! After all they were the ones going ther for 3 or 4 years.

It is easy to look up the statistics regarding a university, if you are worried about the success rate and usefulness of the degree.

x

When I went around unis with mine, it wasnt that usual that parents went. Probably half of them did?
Now, it is more usual, I think in part because of the money layout involved.

He may not know that parents do often go. He may have friends whose parents are not going.

I agree with whitewave neither of mine went to uni but I know my brother's two went looking together although they didn't start the same year.

I would t worry about it, both my two toddled around the country looking at various universities with friends and not me. I simply saw it as growing up and doing something without mum in tow. It is the beginning of loosening the apron strings, and harder on you than them.

Hopefully he will eventually share his thoughts with you, but I wouldn't push it too much.

Have you asked him why he has done this?