On Christmas Day I will......

Do you know Christmas Day can be a right disappointment after all the hype, sorry just having bit grump.

Sorry for all GN who will be alone.

Tell him you'll take your own air bed.

My DS1 has just told me that I am not going to stay with him this Xmas as I dared to complain about sleeping on a 2seater sofa. I am gutted that I won't be seeing him, my almost-dil and only DGS. They live 200 miles away. My other DS is working (for the first time ) on X mas day but he was never a Xmas person anyway. So I'll put up the decorations and tree, buy something special for lunch and watch box sets all day in my pjs. hugs

I'm so sad to hear you describe your day and its one I fear for my future. I have been incredibly lucky to have one daughter or the other spend Christmas with us with their families for the last 35 years. Sometimes both - delightful chaos. But now the grandchildren are getting older one daughter and her family prefer to stay home Christmas day . AND I totally get it - the children don't want to leave their newly arrived toys and to bring them all would be even more chaos. But they have always come to us Boxing Day instead.

My younger daughter and her family have still been coming to us every year on Christmas day as my DSILs Mum doesn't make them very welcome but this year it did for a time look like they would both be elsewhere .

I had a long discussion with my lovely husband who assured me we would have a fabulous time and i think he was really surprised to hear me say that no matter what we did without the kids and grand-kids it just wouldn't be a day that made me happy. No amount of lovely food or gifts can make up for having a table full of loved ones to share it with.

So I totally get where you're coming from.

The thing that surprises me is that neither daughter thought to invite us to their house for lunch and presents.

It seems we've done too good a job giving them Christmas for the last 35 years. They didn't even think about us but when we said - we think we'll go to Florida for the Christmas and New Year instead of sitting at home and feeling sorry for ourselves , both girls asked us' What about the kids ?'

As it is - we will have a house full on both days so I have lots to be grateful for.

My future plan for the day when it is either just hubby and me or god forbid just me - I'm going to get out and do something else. A holiday ( I don't mind going alone :-) ) , walk the dog, avoid Christmas TV, visit other family , volunteer , find some people in the same position as me and invite them to my house . Im not sure what my Christmas Day would look like but I have lots to be grateful for - I just need to keep reminding myself of that !

I hope you find a way to make your Christmas at least bearable if not joyous xxx

It must be rubbish to be alone on xmas day if you feel sad and down. Last year was first I did it - my dd and family are in a Japan and ds and family in Ireland - I used to go to Ireland but now with 3 wee ones and house bursting there is no room at inn with the Xmas tree up and pressies around:-) and they live in rural part so no hotel/b and b's. I think maybe it helps that I have been divorced for twenty years and am an only child with no relatives , think it makes you very resilient and determined not to be a victim. I put on my pjs in the morning and had a grazey, lazy day with a box dvd set. My advice would be don't switch on the tv and listen to all the family xmas stuff and carols etc, then you will be in tears. Good luck x

I am definitely spoilt at Christmas. One of my daughters who is an excellent cook always invites my husband and I (I sound a bit like the Queen) over to hers for the Christmas period. We usually go over for about 5 days and stay in a hotel as daughter doesn't have enough room. She enjoys cooking a big meal for all of the family (usually about 10-12 of us) and we have a great time. This year we are going to my grandaughter's flat in Leeds which is a lot bigger and doing the same thing. On Boxing Day it is a tradition for us 'girls' to go shopping in Leeds (especially going to the sale at Lush) and lunch is on me to say thanks. Last year my great-grandaughter (aged 3 yrs) joined us in the Boxing Day lunch and we had a great time. I always look forward to Christmas and feel really sorry for people who have to spend it on their own. Where we live in Lancashire, one of the local churches arranges a Christmas Day lunch and a party for anyone living on their own and asks people to let them know of anyone in this situation. Volunteers collect the people from their homes and take them back again afterwards.

This all makes for very sad reading, both those stories about people alone at Christmas and those which deal with others who have to cater for ungrateful and critical relatives. The John Lewis Christmas ad is a brilliant metaphor for those who are lonely at a very sociable time. In my case my sister will be bringing my 84 year old mother down to spend the time with us and I am glad that she will not be alone. However, I know she will be sporadically difficult and rude, drink too much and complain about anything on TV that is not 'Eastenders'. Still, my lovely grown up children and my dear OH will jolly everything along and I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel lucky and blessed to have others at Christmas.

To the lady who started this thread, could you not get together with some others who are in the same boat?

This christmas, if all goes well, I will have my first (ofmany) in a new country. As we are renting and not knowing where the house is we will have a delayed Yule. As the nearest beach is only 20 minutes hope to have a winter picnic on the silver coast in Portugal.

Thank you for posting this. It's made me feel ashamed. I was feeling bad because our daughter, a police officer, has to work on Christmas day. Our son and family have invited us to their house for the day, but he said yesterday they are thinking of going on holiday instead. I was thinking oh poor DH and I, all left out at Christmas. Instead I should be counting my blessings that I have a lovely man to share the day with.

miep if your children tell everyone you are dead. ( How awful ) Then it might be time for some haunting!

Years after my parents divorced and my maternal grandmother had died, my paternal grandmother rang my mother and said " hello, it's Mum!"

The reaction was as you would expect! Granny had been genuinely phoning, after years of non contact, in good grace!

x

I now live with my best friend. My children now tell everyone I am dead, which took me a long time to get over, now I amuse myself with what I shall say when their father pops his clogs and they come begging at my door! Our Christmas will be at a local pub where they put on a wonderful lunch for those with no home to go to - then we'll hit the port! We buy each other (mostly silly) things all year round, so don't bother at Christmas

I think OldMona is Northern. ("pet")

daren't not aren't - ruddy auto correct.

For the benefit of those who aren't or can't go over to the other side:

When someone suggested that the grandson who wouldn't/couldn't give up his bed might be autistic, OldMona's answer was:

Ooh, I don't think Shirley even thought of that Inertia. Her grandson is 18 so she's known him a long time, but of course he could have SNs she hasn't been told about. I will suggest that she tries to tactfully find out, without looking like an interfering cow poking her nose into things that don't concern her.

Come on, though, own up - which of us is OldMona?

gillybob, just to reassure you, the mumsnet thread is equally vociferous about maternal grans/mothers. The anger is reserved only for the paternal gran.

Oldmona's post is hilarious and awful at the same time. She should write the sitcom!!
I'm so lucky, my son will be here with his children the weekend before Christmas so we'll celebrate then ( and he loves cooking ...) for Christmas I'll be at my daughter's. Reading all these posts is truly making me count my blessings!
So sorry for those who are, not by choice, alone. Can we have a Birmingham meetup just after Christmas with maybe a little Secret Santa? Tegan? Nonnie? Anyone?!

mollie I wish you didn't have to invite all those ungrateful, moaning people - is it really strictly necessary? Your Christmas sounds such hard work - and so unappreciated.

I like the idea of a family and friends get-together but I do think Christmas is so over-hyped these days. All the fancy recipes, "dressing" the table, etc. etc. What's wrong with just a nice meal, a few glasses of wine and some crackers?

There were times when we were both working and the children were younger that I would have enjoyed a very low key Christmas but, as an only child, my parents would have been terribly hurt not to be invited each year (my husband's parents were overseas). Now that Mum's on her own, she would be equally upset not to be invited. My husband leads a fairly self-contained life throughout the year and doesn't make many concessions for Christmas either, and my daughter is much the same. My son and his partner, and their two children usually come to us for Christmas (I'm not sure about this year) which is lovely because otherwise there'd just be Mum and me and the inevitable "Deal or No Deal" at full blast.

I am sorry that some Gransnetters are sad about being alone at Christmas. I think TV ads showing joyous family celebrations have a lot to answer for. Many people are on their own and unfortunately not all family get-togethers are as good-humoured and enjoyable as the advertisers would have us believe - as mollie's post evidences.

I haven't been on Mumsnet, but reading some comments quoted on GN about what "they" say only makes me sad. Do these MN's not realise that their husbands parents are no different from their own and that mum in laws actually have feelings too? I do hope that none of these "lovely" mumsnetters have sons because they will eventually be the very paternal grandma that they appear to hate so much.

I think the common thing seems to be that "their" mum can do no wrong but their husbands mum is some kind of evil witch to be avoided at all cost.

I pity anyone left on their own at Christmas (or at any other time really) simply because their children are so selfish that they can't bare to share a day or even part of a day with their parents. Christmas to me and my family has never been about money it has always been about spending time with one another. This will be the first Christmas in my entire life that I haven't spent with my grandma. Yes I have had a little private moan when she asked to go home half way through dinner, or she refused to move into the lounge after the meal but what I wouldn't give to have her sat at my dinner table this year.......

Gosh - what a lot of anger there! very sad really.

Thanks for posting the mumsnet link janeainsworth. Wasn't it sad and angry, not difficult to understand why given the experiences the women posting had in their childhoods. Mumsnet posters don't hold back on talking about the abusive experiences they've had, whereas here on gransnet it seems to me, posters are less likely to be as direct or angry. Maybe that's partly the culture in our different age groups.
Whatever, it's clear from this OP and from other posters that the Christmas period is often very stressful for grans as well as for mumsnet posters.

Family life eh? Expectations in the highly emotionally charged Christmas period do seem to often be completely unreasonable. I feel blessed in having most members of my immediate and extended family who consider each other and try not to cause harm or hurt. Like so many families, that doesn't go for all my loved ones but we have to make the best of things don't we

You are a bit scary merlot

Popping why shouldn't we see MN for what it is? If I hadn't posted the link, someone else would have. We're not that daft.

My FIL could be a pain. He liked to be the centre of attention and because he was diabetic (type 1) he thought the whole day should be all about him and his dietary needs.

MIL used to run round like a headless chicken making sure he was happy in case he ruined it for everyone but I refused to pander to him so we were lucky not to have any bust ups. I think he was scared of me

There's no way we would not have invited them though and it's a funny thing but I only really remember the happy times when he was in a good mood and played endless games with the children and laughed his head off at Morecambe and Wise.

Sometimes there has to be a lot more give than take.

Wow - I shoudn't have read that second MN thread - how so many of them really don't like/hate their parents/in laws. So sad, don't recommend reading it.

I have had 2 lovely MILs, I actually got on with both a bit better than my own Mum, and we often shared Christmas.

I know when I was younger I didn't really truly appreciate how older family members felt - for examply when my Dads last brother died, Dad said how sad he felt being the last one left from their little family, and no one left to share his early memories. I sympathised, but now, getting towards his age, I can really understand so much more how he felt.

On MN perhaps it's like that too. They aren't at that age and stage of life, so are quite dismissive of loneliness. I wish people were more kind and less judgemental.