OK I'll try to keep it brief. I am aged 71 and DP (of over 40 years) is 73. He has had affairs in the past but not for very many years and in addition has made overtures to friends that have been rejected, again many years ago.
He is a member of a rambling club and in August went on a walking holiday with 2 women from the club. I wasn't happy as it brought back the past somehow. One of the women J has been ill with anxiety over the past few months and she asked DP if he would visit her (it's only a short distance) to help her sort her finances out. However it transpired that she'd already sorted them out but didn't let him know. I got upset because it was all starting to remind me of the past and we had a row, and I felt guilty so asked if he ought to go and see her and he jumped at the chance, saying "I'll go tomorrow" but she was busy, so suggested he went around the following week which he did. Then she asked if he could help her move furniture and go on short walks with her as she was feeling better. She's been divorced for many years and so she must have people to help her move furniture - she definitely has a son-in-law. DP said he wasn't sure about the walk as I had an appointment. So he moved the furniture and that was that.
In his birthday card she wrote:
Happy Birthday X
With warm wishes, love and thanks for all your care and support. It means a lot to me............J x
I got upset as it seemed a very intimate message to me. The care and support was apparently DP helping to plan a walk with her (they take it in turns to do this in the club) or that was his explanation. On Wed she is driving him to the walk and a Christmas lunch after. She offered to do this because he was scheduled to have an op on his hand but it has been postponed, but she's still driving him to this event. They e mail each other on a regular basis and last night in a heated row I demanded to see the emails. He said they were all deleted and ending up showing me one from August (about 4 lines about tents and rucksacks) He says he won't show me any more as I "will read something into them" which really makes me think there IS something he doesn't want me to see. Says he is not going to be monitored.
I'm really unhappy because it has brought the past back and thrown it into sharp focus. He says they are just friends (but I've heard that before) and I have nothing to worry about. I suffer from intermittent depression which can be severe at times.
So wise grandmothers what do you think?
nananina Sun 13-Dec-15 14:18:33
Elegran Sun 13-Dec-15 14:21:56
nananina Sun 13-Dec-15 14:26:04
Elegran Sun 13-Dec-15 14:48:03
nananina Sun 13-Dec-15 15:19:26
thatbags Sun 13-Dec-15 15:21:38
Riverwalk Sun 13-Dec-15 15:29:14
Jane10 Sun 13-Dec-15 15:29:54
nananina Sun 13-Dec-15 15:33:40
phoenix Sun 13-Dec-15 15:34:14
Anniebach Sun 13-Dec-15 15:53:06
Elegran Sun 13-Dec-15 16:21:21
ninathenana Sun 13-Dec-15 16:48:36
nananina Sun 13-Dec-15 17:53:58
Marmark1 Mon 14-Dec-15 08:57:04