Im Lost just now.

I am so sorry Kupari. I hope that all our sympathy will help in some way.

Oh Kupari I am so sorry that I have come to this thread late and didn't know you were searching for that shipwreck piece. It was me who posted that originally on this thread and I would have been able to point you at it immediately. Thank you scarfaceace for finding it and posting it here.
Kupari I wish there were magic words of comfort that I could offer you. I have a daughter of 41 and I cannot imagine your grief. It is unthinkable. I do hope that article will help you to cope with your tragic loss (((hugs)))

sorry to hear this. I lost my mum to this horrible disease when she was about the same age & I'm crying my eyes out for both of us You eill adjust your life to deal with it. Enormous bear hug coming your way

So sorry to hear of your loss Kupari.

Your presence helping with the children must be invaluable. Well done.

So pleased you found what you were looking for Kupari...hope it helps during this sad time.

Many thanks to Spider08 and Scarfaceace. Yes you found the piece I was looking for. Thank you so much. I knew at Xmas we didnt have long, and I had thought I was preparing myself for what was to come, but I miscalculated because the pain is unbelievable, it just comes in waves and almost takes my breath away.
I am helping with the kids and just existing at the moment. My other daughter is inconsolable just now. However I am keeping busy doing all sorts of things.
Thank you all for your kindness,
Brenda

Kupari45, I am so sorry for your loss.

Is this the piece you were thinking of...

It's written by someone called Snow

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

Kupari45 how terribly sad for you and the family. Thoughts are with you as you deal with your own pain and that of your other DD and the little ones. I know there are several GNs who have lost children who will be able to understand what you are going through. I can't begin to know how awful you must be feeling right now.

Brenda Sending much love at this terrible time.

The only thing that I can remember is the loss of AlieOxon's daughter last May. I have scanned the posts and cannot see a poem but there is someone mentioning Sheryl Sandberg. Maybe the poem is by her?

I do hope that you find comfort in kind words and by the love being sent your way by everyone on here. Keep posting, cry with us, rage with us, anything, we are here for you. Lots of love and care, Xxx

My heart goes out to you on your devastating loss. Sincere condolences to all your family

So sorry to hear your news Kupari...I can't even begin to understand how you must feel. I have read a piece such as you mentioned...whether it was on Gransnet or not I don't know. I have just googled "clinging to wreckage after bereavement" and it came up. Try it...hope it helps

Thinking of you and the familyxx

Kupari45 I'm so sorry for your loss.
In time if you think it may be helpful to seek support for yourself or other family members I can give a personal recommendation for Care for the Family.

Kupari45 - very sorry to read of your sad loss, thoughts are with you and your family x

Just wanted to say thank you for your kind messages, Although we couldnt locate the post I was thinking of, if anyone recalls an article that might help please let me know.
I'm hurting like hell just now, but I know it will take time to come to terms with my daughters loss. I will post on the bereavement forum sometime and let you know how we are doing. We live in a lovely area of North Yorkshire so I will get the kids out and about once the weather improves. Once again thank you for your lovely messages of condolence.
Brenda

I am so sorry for your loss, no mother should have to bury her child

Dear Brenda, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. What a sad time for you all, there are no easy words to take away your pain. Thinking of you and your family in these early days of your loss

Brenda, I just wish I could find the verses you need. I did keep trying, but with no luck. Thinking of you and your family, and of other GNers who have lost loved ones

'still' is misleading. I can't talk about her without tears. I don't expect I ever will be able to.

Many thanks to Maggiemaybe - no thats not it, though similar sentiments.
I seem to remember there were at least two verses in the post I'm thinking of.
Brenda

Hearfelt sorrow for your loss Kupari. My daughter died just over a year ago. She was 47. I still can't talk about her without tears.

Sadiesnan on this page www.gransnet.com/forums/ask_a_gran/1221787-How-long-after-bereavement-before-it-stops-hurting?pg=2 talks about grief being like waves on a seashore. Could this be the one you're thinking of?

You're in my thoughts too, Kupari. I am so very sorry for your loss.

So sad for you.