to not want to contribute to honeymoon?

One of DH's nephews got married and we put a cheque for several hundred pounds in an envelope and put it through his letterbox rather than carry it to the wedding venue. After about three months we bumped into the couple in the supermarket and asked them if they had received the cheque, as we had no acknowledgement. The reply was not what I expected " yes we got the cheque, why" ? no thank you or apologies for not sending out thank you notes. This man's brother sent a wonderful letter after I sent £25 for each of his sons on their baptism, we couldn't attend as we were abroad.

I don't really mind making a financial contribution but I do fret about how much to give.
My bugbear is the lack of courtesy from the recipients after you have made the requested donation. We went to a wedding abroad last year (obviously paying for our hotel and plane fares) we also gave a contribution of £50. Not heard a dickie bird since even though they have a website set up with photos etc of the big day and could easily have put a general thank you on there. Modern manners.......?

Diplomacy is always a good idea when asking for money ! Maybe better not to mention the honeymoon, substiuting it for something else such as a new bed.

I would be more inclined to donate to a 'bed fund' !

at the end of the day- if you don't want to contribute and ask, just don't go and take advantage of their hospitality.

The price fof meals, etc, per guest, is quite substantial. I don't like the idea either- but it's their wedding and their choice. Probably much better than contributing to things they already have or don't need.

Felice I think that's the nicest wedding present idea I've ever heard.

DD and SIL are going to one of DDs' oldest friends wedding in Italy next weekend.
They have asked for no gifts as such but for everyone to give them one of their favourite books, with a little message written inside.
They live and work in Rwanda with an NGO and will be moving around a lot so want to set up a wedding library which they can take with them wherever they go.
I think it is a lovely idea, my donation is Alexander McCall Smiths' the Von Igelfeld Trilogy, 2 1/2 Pillars of Wisdom. DD has chosen The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
My one is signed by the author.

we're getting married in September. We moved in together just over a year again and already have 2 toasters, 5 tv's, 2 dvd players, 2 laptops, 2 printers, 2 ipads, 2 kettles, mountains of towels and bedding, 2 coffee machines etc etc. We both work hard and will continue to for many years as pension age moves further away.
We are having small wedding (28 guests) followed by afternoon tea then get together in local hotel bar. Our invitations include wee poem saying we only want presence but if guests would like to contribute to honeymoon this will be greatly received.
I have given money as wedding gift in past and think it's so much simpler than hunting for present, wrapping it etc
I really dont see it is a problem

I think your DH is right milly and £50 sounds about right to me as both of you are invited and going.

Personally I hate evening receptions which always seem to be very noisy with disco music deafening you and making chatting very difficult. I decline unless it's family these days - but give a card and small gift.

We are in the situation of being asked to an evening reception this weekend and I appreciate that things are different these day. The couple have been together for about 3 years have a lovely house and good jobs, and have got most of what they want for their home. They are not relatives, the mother is a friend that I meet weekly at a club for a few hours and it is nice that we have been invited. My problem is - how much should you give as a present? We are pensioners so there is obviously a limit, I don't want to look mean but must be reasonable. I suggested a cheque for £30 but DH thinks that looks mean and we should go for £50. Any ideas?

Last two weddings I've been to, both in the family, invitations have said, 'No presents, just presence.'
A colleague's son had a gift list, but it was one of those charity ones where you donate a well, or a mosquito net or whatever.

I think it's a bit of a cheek to ask for money for a honeymoon, though I would probably make an exception if I knew the couple had been through hard times, or been ill, or for whatever reason were badly in need of a nice holiday which they couldn't otherwise afford.

yes I understand your view but these young people live a different life than we did, as we lived differently than our parents. Your comments are sensible but I enjoy the way the current crop of young folks seem to know how to have a good time and they're determined to do it. The young couples I know all work very hard, they worked hard at school and uni (including hard partying) and will be working hard till they're 80 if things continue as they are on the pension front. Good luck to them is my over riding feeling and I honestly don't feel this is an area when I'm ever going to don my Judgey Pants.

Iam I DO get a bit grumbly about this sort of thing, yes. Maybe it's just me being bitter and twisted but I cant help but see this sort of thing as gratuitous self-indulgence.

I read somewhere that the average cost of a wedding is something like £12k. Assuming you're a young couple setting up home together, with University debts, needing a mortgage, or at the very least upfront costs towards a decent rental, surely the most sensible thing to do is to have a low cost wedding and honeymoon (not a necessity) you can actually AFFORD? I'd be mortified if I had to pass the hat around for what amounts to a nice little holiday...

gettingonabit - you may be right of course, but maybe they can afford it but are being honest about what they'd put any cash gifts towards. They could pretend it was to repair the roof…..
you can be a negative grumbler if you like, I enjoy negative grumbling about some things as well.

I don't mind giving cash, whatever it's going towards. Much easier than looking for a gift for the couple that already has everything. But I have a thing about vouchers, ever since I forgot about one I'd been given for a local beauty salon until the week after it expired after 12 months. I was cross with myself, but even more annoyed with the salon, as it had had the money upfront and wouldn't have lost out by honouring it. Most vouchers expire after 24 months and apparently a lot just go to waste.

Iam if they need to ask for a contribution towards a honeymoon, surely they can't really afford it?

ok, I'm a negative grumbler.

I'm with night owl, jane a and anya on this one. If a couple are kind enough to include you in their special day, why not go and enjoy it with them in good spirit. Someone up thread complained they wouldn't be told what to buy or contribute to a wedding gift. Why ever not? My generation prided itself on low key, inexpensive, non ostentatious weddings, the current generation pride themselves on giving the biggest party they can afford. I'm happy to contribute a cash gift for them to spend on an expensive honeymoon, or put towards something for the house they probably already live in together. What a lot of negative grumblers!

A young relative of DH 's has invited us to their wedding. We've sent a cheque as they asked for help for the honeymoon. They've been living together for a while and bought a house. We are spending a lot as well to go to the wedding and I suspect we are only going because her parents are divorced and we want to support her and hope the parents will behave graciously. I don't mind hats but I can't abide fascinators. Don't know why. That was an aside.

nightowl I would have loved to come
I'd like to help you choose your outfit too! I hope you and the young people have a lovely, unforgettable celebration

When our DS and then girlfriend got engaged we gave them some money to put towards the wedding. They spent it all on what they called a practise honeymoon what would my late parents have said .

And as some others have already said, it saves me having to think about what to get, go out and buy it, wrap it.... I find it hard enough just finding an outfit! I'm off to a wedding in 4 weeks and looking forward to it, will see family members I haven't seen for years, am so touched to be invited. It never entered my head that they might have invited me to make up the numbers, or to get an extra gift. .

Wish I could take you with me janea and Anya, we'd have a whale of a time (and put a bit more in the honeymoon pot)

Nightowl and JaneA I so agree with you.

University Hardship funds sounds like a lovely idea but, from my knowledge of universities and hardship funds, unfortunately I do think they tend to benefit those who are savvy enough to apply and not always those in real need. I do know genuine cases so I'm not saying that they aren't important and I know this suggestion came from a very good place. Nevertheless I wouldn't want to give to this particular cause.

Unfortunately, as others have said, I think this is quite common these days.

My middle daughter wanted to do this for her honeymoon but in the end picked out a few treats for the home that were things she and her partner wouldn't have bought for themselves and also said they'd appreciate John Lewis vouchers as were saving for x and y. Like others they stressed that they wanted people to come anyway, irrespective of gifts/no gifts, to share the day. The gift info was very small at the end of the info... It was VERY difficult to be sensitive to people's gifting choices without seeming graspy...

Almost all her younger friends gave honeymoon cash and almost all older people bought things or JL vouchers it seems.

When I flew to NZ for my nephew's wedding, I could hardly carry a toaster (or whatever) in my luggage, so I went to a local DiY chain and got them a voucher to spend on whatever they needed - they already had a home and a lovely little daughter, so they were able to invest in some garden furniture. I do think that vouchers are a better idea than trawling through a department store's wedding list, looking for the most cost effective (ie cheapest) items!

I agree ajanela!