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Please read

(19 Posts)
Granny23 Sat 23-Apr-16 10:55:59

Got this on facebook this morning and it pulled me up short. I would normally consider myself to be kind and empathetic but realise that especially recently, when I have not had my own troubles to seek, I have been guilty of the sharp retort, have succumbed to the temptation to post a derisive 'clever' quip, without considering that I know not what the person it is aimed at is thinking and feeling. Sorry if this is seen as sanctimonious, Americanised claptrap, but I think it is worth a read.

Marelli Sat 23-Apr-16 11:27:32

I think we're all guilty of seeing some other families/parents as being lucky that they haven't had their troubles to seek. I know that I've looked at some of my friends, and wished that I had a family that did everything 'properly'. These families did well at school, went on to get good jobs, had their children at 'sensible' times in their married lives, and when they weren't likely to struggle financially. They didn't do ill-thought-out things with their lives which cause us, as their parents, to suffer worry and pain.
However, it doesn't stop us feeling empathy for those who do go through awful times. It maybe makes us feel impatient when a person tells you about something that we consider is a small disappointment and feel like saying, " you've no idea how lucky you are - at least this (or that) hasn't happened to you".
We never know what a person is carrying and holding to themselves, or how they manage that load, do we?

ninathenana Sat 23-Apr-16 12:08:46

I'd like to FB 'friend' the lady that wrote that article.
I can remember the correct wording but "walk a mile in my shoes" comes to mind.

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 23-Apr-16 12:44:57

Why would you want to share such personal, and sad, stuff on a Facebook page? Asking for trouble.

Yes. Very American. hmm

Granny23 Sat 23-Apr-16 13:48:02

But that's just the point Jings - some folk spill everything out on Facebook or Gransnet and thereby get support and hopefully comfort - some folk prefer to keep their troubles to themselves but can be deeply wounded by a casual remark about a trivial matter. Think the article is just asking us to tread with care and think twice before making derisive posts.

M0nica Sat 23-Apr-16 16:29:17

Even families that seem on the surface to have happy untroubled lives often have other problems under the surface. I have learnt not to envy other people's lives, they are never as simple as they look.

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 23-Apr-16 16:34:04

Well, I still think it's silly to put something like that on Facebook, and I don't understand why people do it. It's the modern way I suppose. Have people always felt a need to trot out their deepest feelings to all and sundry. Or is it just because social media is there?

Granny23 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:50:47

If people always kept their deep thoughts and feelings to themselves, there would be little in the way of great literature, poetry, songs, music and other art works.

Jane10 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:55:10

I'm with jings on this. Literature, poetry etc are art. The modern tendency to pour out personal problems on a public forum is fraught with potential risk. They can be a positive invitation for cruel comments and derision. Its a risk!

Deedaa Sat 23-Apr-16 21:46:50

This is the sort of stuff that can be shared on Facebook, but only in a closed group intended for people with the same problems as you. I belong to a group for people dealing with the same cancer as DH. I've shared very personal stuff there but it's fine because everyone else has been there or is on the way. There are very few disagreements and certainly no trolls. What I wouldn't do is put that sort of stuff on my Facebook page - why on earth would you?

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 23-Apr-16 21:56:53

Granny23, you know that's quite different.

queenMab99 Thu 14-Jul-16 23:30:53

I don't post personal things on facebook, but whenever people are dismissed as junkies, alkies, or druggy scum, in real life conversation or online, I wince and usually keep quiet, but I always want to shout and scream, 'these people are someones loved son or daughter'When my family was dealing with these problems, I was always very open about it, as I thought it would help people to understand, but now my son is dead I have to choose my stronger moments to speak out.

petra Fri 15-Jul-16 17:25:49

You never know what problems that person might have had with drug abusers.

FarNorth Fri 15-Jul-16 19:57:53

That's no reason to make a deliberately hurtful comment to a bereaved mother.

Marmark1 Sat 16-Jul-16 08:42:28

Thousands of people suffer in silence.Iv known a couple of people who have endured such tragedy God only knows how they've coped.
No,I don't agree with all the weeping and howling in public.Makes me cringe in fact.

Gononsuch Sat 16-Jul-16 08:48:45

You ether take responsibility for your own actions or you take the consequences.
I've got no sympathy for people who die due to their own stupidity.

My sympathy goes to the people who get caught up and suffer through acts of MENESS.

So, the subject of this OP was a waste of a life, and my heart felt sympathy is for the family.

GandTea Sat 16-Jul-16 09:46:05

"Or is it just because social media is there?" (Jings)

This is a huge change in the way we communicate. Social media allows people to discuss personal concerns, fears etc. that they may not be prepared to say face to face for many reasons.

People may feel embarrassed to discuss a personal problem with their friends , family, doctor etc, but due to the anonymity are able to discuss it on line with strangers. eg, a fear of cancer.

So, the very existence of social media allows this new way of communication, sometimes for good, sometimes otherwise.

breeze Sat 16-Jul-16 10:23:43

When my 3 sons passed their driving tests I said to each of them, 'Try to remember the idiots you've met throughout your life, some of those people are behind the wheel of a car. So even though you may be doing everything correctly, expect some of those to do the unexpected and dangerous'. Same applies online. It takes allsorts. In an ideal world it would be nice to think all people you come into contact with online will show empathy, sympathy, understanding. But some of them are idiots. Don't post anything sensitive, if you are sensitive. And be prepared to ignore some twat sitting behind the safety of a screen if they are cruel for cruel sake. Rise above it. Knee jerk reaction to subjects open to debate are o.k. in my book. That's different. Nothing wrong with healthy, sometimes heated, discussion. I would hate to see freedom of speech a thing of the past. Usually, the people who are dismissive of another's problem, are usually the type who sail through life without any. So can't understand how it feels. Most people who have experienced anything worrying, upsetting, frightening, will have empathy for those who are struggling.

TriciaF Sat 16-Jul-16 22:55:40

That link is awful, almost makes me despair. I've heard about that kind of thing before, but to see so many examples together!
That's why I would never join Facebook or twitter. Ordinary forums are vulnerable too, but easier to moderate.
I've met a few people in real life who have mouths like that, but usually managed to avoid them.