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To expect homework to stay at home?

(45 Posts)
Greyduster Mon 20-Jun-16 11:18:36

My daughter, s-i-l and grandson come to us just about every other weekend for Sunday roast. We look forward to this to be able to spend a bit more time with our only grandchild than the hour or so after the school run two days a week, when he is generally with his friends anyway. On several occasions recently, his parents have brought his homework with them and, invariably, he is reluctant to do it when he is over here. It usually ends badly. Last night, all he wanted to do was explain how mine craft worked to DH, and read his Harry Potter. Instead, there were tensions because he was deemed not to be concentrating properly on some taxing maths problem, we were reduced to silent onlookers in case we distracted him, and the whole thing just made me want to scream. I still want to scream! He has designated homework times at home, and there was really no need for him to do it here. I said this morning that I wanted to speak to DD about it, and ask her not to do it again, as this was our time and our home, but DH says not to rock the boat. Just needed to get this off my chest.

ninathenana Mon 20-Jun-16 11:28:58

No,it's not unreasonable to think GS should do his homework Friday night or Saturday. You have a valid point. Their Sunday visits should be a relaxing family time.
The exception I feel would be if he needed to do something you or H are well equipped to help with.

Charleygirl Mon 20-Jun-16 11:41:53

This young man should not be doing homework 7 days a week. He needs time off to relax and as he is with his GPs he should be enjoying his time there. I agree re the exception.

RedheadedMommy Mon 20-Jun-16 11:54:06

My daughter does her homework on a Sunday night after her bath whole I'm ironing her uniform.
She has school Friday. The only day she has nothing is Saturday which she does what she likes.
Sunday afternoon/evening are busy, always something to do.

They might be like that, I wouldn't say anything because they might stay at home and him do the homework there. Sundays which school aged children are far from relaxing.

RedheadedMommy Mon 20-Jun-16 11:55:04

*while and *with blush

Greyduster Mon 20-Jun-16 12:11:46

His designated homework night is Monday - the rest of the week, apart from the weekend, he either has after school clubs or outside activities in the evening, so he doesn't get a lot of "time off". I think he at least deserves that over here with us. Perhaps it's an unreasonable thing to complain about since there are those on here who don't see their GC at all, and I appreciate that his mum and dad are anxious that he should maintain the position he has obtained in his class, but there are limits.

Mamie Mon 20-Jun-16 12:28:30

We don't live in the same country as any of our grandchildren, but we often help with homework via Skype. grin

RedheadedMommy Mon 20-Jun-16 12:34:21

My DD is 6 and last week had 6 sheets of homework, it's not due in till Tuesday but likes to get it done and out the way before Monday so she comes home Monday and that's that.

How old is your DGS? Maybe his parents split it so he hasn't got it all today on a Monday. He doesn't sound like he has alot of down time if he has something on 7 days a week as well as school.

Homework doesn't get done, kids get into trouble or fall behind. They have reading books on top of that and sometimes spelling tests and projects. And that's for a 6 year old. I'm dreading when she gets older sad

trisher Mon 20-Jun-16 15:18:30

Sorry I think you should take it in your stride. I wonder why you accepted the role of 'silent onlooker'? Personally I like to offer help and words of wisdom when homework comes up. Not that these are completely appreciated, GS has been known to tell me how much things have changed since I was at school, but I do manage occasionally to astound him by giving useful information. Try turning this into a chance for all the family to get involved.

thatbags Mon 20-Jun-16 15:26:06

Some parents are really neurotic about homework. How old is he?

GillT57 Mon 20-Jun-16 15:33:03

Maybe the poor little chap could do with less after school clubs. I do think that some parents book their children into too much. What about a bit of time to just loaf with their friends? Sorry doesnt help your problem, was just an opinion!

Badenkate Mon 20-Jun-16 17:48:31

I agree Gill. I think children are far too 'organised' these days. There's nothing wrong with a bit of not doing anything so that children learn to occupy themselves instead of expecting activities to be dished up on a plate. What will they do when they get older?

shelana Mon 20-Jun-16 17:55:17

This is a tricky one, as youngsters often leave homework to last minute.Could you discuss with your son or daughter what time they would like to be heading for home and mention that your grandchild may need time to finish any left-over tasks.This way you set the boundaries!Good luck....

Greyduster Mon 20-Jun-16 18:03:17

Trisher you are right - I probably should take it in my stride, and to be fair, DH did put in his fourpenn'orth about how GS might solve the problem (I'm useless with numbers) only to be told he was perfectly capable of doing it himself so he kept quiet after that! I think they were frustrated by his attitude yesterday, and I can't blame them for that, but my beef is that all this tension should have taken place in their house, not mine. DD is usually pleased to let us coach him on his spellings and his English occasionally after we bring him home from school, and then he is allowed to go out and play, or have friends in to play, until teatime. bags he is nine, and like a lot of nine year olds he will do what he can get away with.

thatbags Mon 20-Jun-16 18:07:19

We rebelled about primary school homework. Perhaps we were lucky to have a very reasonable headteacher who saw our point of view even though it contravened school 'policy'. Minibags never did any. I think it's a waste of time for primary school kids.

She did masses of reading, of her own choice.

She has done all her homework at secondary school and is a very successful pupil.

thatbags Mon 20-Jun-16 18:09:02

PS if she had chosen to play instead of read, that would have been fine too. Erica Christakis has written a very good book entitled: "The Importance of Being Little".

vampirequeen Mon 20-Jun-16 18:29:30

I hated setting homework when I was a primary teacher. I can see the point in upper KS2 but not in KS1 and lower KS2.

It was a bind on the children and a bind on me because I had to mark it. Although it did amuse me how many parents actually did the homework for the children. They seemed to forget that I knew how the children formed letters and numbers. Often adults write big and backwards thinking that's how children write.

Children don't need to be organised by adults every second of their lives. They need time to do nothing and even be bored. If our children complain about being bored I offer to find them a job. It's amazing how quickly they find something else to do.

Hellomonty Mon 20-Jun-16 19:00:35

As a teacher who has seen this kind of thing a lot, I would be willing to bet that getting him to do his homework at yours wasn't anyone's plan, but that your grandson didn't use the time set aside to apply himself and get it done. It had to be done for Monday and since they were going to yours that was their only choice. Before you get too cross with your daughter be sure that it wasn't essentially your grandson's decision to ruin the evening with you. At nine he's more than capable of understanding what the consequences of not doing it at the set time. As to planned activities - are there any HE would like to give up? Is he really being forced or are his parents running themselves ragged so he can do all the things he wants to take part in?

Lillie Mon 20-Jun-16 19:47:01

I agree that 9 year olds are pretty good at procrastinating, and Sunday afternoon at your house is probably seen as a convenient time to do the set homework. No problem. If your GS prefers to do it without help I would get on with my own chores and busy myself loading the dishwasher and sweeping the floor.

Greyduster Mon 20-Jun-16 19:50:06

I think they must have realised that they shortchanged us yesterday. DD sent a text today to say that GS had been instructed that he was to spend some time after we brought him home from school, doing something un-homework related with DH and I, so we spent forty minutes playing a game and then, as he had been invited to his friend's house to play, I let him go out. He'd fulfilled his part of the bargain with good grace! He will, as we speak, be doing his homework - also with good grace I hope.

granjura Mon 20-Jun-16 20:37:44

Perhaps parents have been having an awful time with getting him to do hos HW, and thought your kind, calm and encouraging approach would help resolve the issues and get things done.

Don't stew and discuss this with them calmly and with humour. Our GS is also 10, and not too keen on getting his HW done either- quite naturally. He is better with us, than with his parents- and we take that as a compliment.

Greyduster Mon 20-Jun-16 20:55:30

It's been good to have your views on this. I'll try and find an opening to discuss things with DD although DH still thinks I shouldn't pursue it. I think their thinking is that if keeping him in a homework routine is like pulling teeth now, what's it going to be like in a year or two's time when it really matters.

Luckygirl Mon 20-Jun-16 21:02:59

Don't get me going on the subject of homework! - a pernicious invasion of family life.

I share your exasperation - poor GS.

thatbags Mon 20-Jun-16 21:12:36

lucky, once again ours are the only voices speaking against homework for primary school kids. It never ceases to amaze me.

Why do people assume it's necessary up to the age of eleven or twelve just because it might be necessary during the teenage years?

Why is it assumed that a child who doesn't do homework while at primary school won't do it at secondary? My kids all did. My four siblings and I did. My parents did. None of us had homework while at primary school. All (except Minibags who hasn't got to uni yet but she's setting her sights high at age fifteen) have at least one university degree.

nightowl Mon 20-Jun-16 21:53:25

Another voice against homework here Luckygirl and thatbags. DGS is almost 6 and has had homework set since he was in nursery. He still has the same homework book which is remarkably empty, and sometimes goes missing for weeks at a time somewhere between his house, our house, and school. Do any of us care? Not much. His mum's a teacher and as far as I'm concerned, she knows a thing or two about the importance or otherwise of homework for primary school children.