This will cause a hoo ha !

Children quickly learn how far they can go with people .My grandson stays with me every weekend first time he misbehave I took him back home and said he couldn't come and stay again for 2 weeks it worked as it was a total shock that I didn't even warn him now 8 years on I've only sent him back home twice he learnt quickly .

We had our GD'S and DIL come over one afternoon and the weather was lovely so they were out playing on the lawn...they are 9 & 5.
The older one called to her mom that the younger one had done something.wrong and I watched as DIL gave the younger one a severe telling off, looking into her eyes all the time thus getting her young daughters attention. When she'd finished she gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and walked back and left them playing.
I was very impressed by that. They do use the "naughty step" at home and it certainly works. The 2 GD'S love putting their grandad on the naughty step too, with much laughter from them all.

It's all about language. 'Smacking a child'. 'Assaulting a person'. Would you 'smack' an adult who was misbehaving? No, because (a) it's illegal and (b) they could hit you back.

So how can it possibly be OK to assault a much smaller, less powerful person?

You're the adult, you have a lifetime's experience and the ability to step back, and think about what's going on (Anger Management lesson 1). The child can do neither of those things.

When I read that children have been able to climb up high, climb down again before putting a knitting needle in a socket, I have to ask myself, "Where was the responsible adult whilst all this was going on?" Maybe if the child was being watched, the necessity for a smack would have been avoided. If it is assault for another adult to hit an adult, why isn't it assault when and adult hits a vulnerable child? I know how infuriating children can be having had 6 myself but a lot of patient, hard work when they are young usually pays off when they are older and they don't tend to go round hitting others either.

If my husband nicks dinner whilst it's cooking I rap his knuckle with the spoon. He laughs. I was only smacked once as a child, I smacked my DC a couple of times, they occasionally smack the DGC, I have smacked on DGC once, I have the parents permission to follow their discipline regime to smack if I consider it warranted. I have as an adult been smacked by someone, I have also punched someone in self defence - when being mugged. Violence is sometimes warranted- that's why we have an Army. I consider when I smacked (on the hand without marking) my GC pseudo self defence he was violently biting the younger one, and was not releasing whatever I did. I smacked my DD when she was "don't care" about other punishments she reasoned at 6 - OK I'll go to my room, but it's not punishment. I like time on my own - and I'll enjoy you feeling guilty and letting me come down in a few hours - so I smacked her instead!! Sorry if that annoys some - but she'd compounded her misbehaviour with cheek - we laugh about her smart mouth punishment now she has DC's with smart mouths

I'm totally against any form of physical punishment. My DGC (2 year-old twins, boy and girl}, have reached the stage of sometimes trying to hit, push and pull each other. How could we possibly teach them not to do this ( to anyone) if we hit them. Kicking is a tricky one, as kicking a ball is fine, but not kicking people.

I did often smack my very difficult as a child DS. It didn't work, and when my DD was at her wits end with DGS I told her smacking definitely didn't work and really wish I hadn't with DD.

With DGS I once a had a conversation along the lines of what you are doing is cross making and I am very cross but I do not want to shout at you. Now I just have to look at him and say 'cross and cross-making'. He responds immediately overall in an acceptable way! Oh how I wish I had had that wisdom when I was a young mother.

My two children drove me to to distraction. They were 13 months apart and fought in their twin pram ,twin buggy and later in the the car. My DD was very argumentative and feisty and I smacked them on the hand at times. They have grown up into sensitive caring people.
My GC have a 4 year gap and as the youngest is now school age this summer holiday has been much better. I think you need to change the environment every 2 hours, even if it is just a walk to the park.Then they don't get too fractious and start to pick on each other. I would not smack either of them, although have been tempted at times.
And the brighter they are the more they can run rings round you. Thank goodness they grow up.

Not to drip feed ,but on the rare occasions I lost it and shouted at mine they knew I was really ,really cross and it was enough to get them to stop doing whatever it was . I agree it does older children no harm to know you are human and can get angry too but constant yelling at them is as damaging as physical violence I feel .

If you had asked me pre children I would have said ' of course smacking isnt the answer' but I smacked DD1 twice.Once when she was about 6-wearing her ballet leotard and I left marks on her thigh-second time she was about 8 and had rudely interrupted me when I was chatting to friends at after -church coffee .I tapped her on the head .I'm not proud of either occasion but was under huge stress at the time.The first was ,possibly , excusable as she had driven me to distraction (and she knew it)and it worked .I think I was as shocked as she was .The second was not,I just snapped and it indicated to the friends I was with that I had reached breaking point (It was so unlike me-it was and still is rare for me to lose my temper ).I was very ashamed of myself. I apologised to her immediately (I hadnt hurt her) But I never did it again and I never smacked DD2 who could actually be a much more aggravating child.I learnt to say 'Because I say so' and refuse to engage in further winding- me -up discussion ,and 'No means no',ditto .The house rules were very clear .I dont recall ever using a naughty step or exclusion or withdrawal of treats I might have tapped a hand to move it away from doing something it shouldnt (as I would with DH)but I wouldnt call that smacking .If DD 2 had a tantrum, as she could, I learnt to ignore it and waited until she got to the distress stage (losing control upset her) and would then give her a cuddle until she calmed down and we would talk about whatever had triggered it
I have an excellent relationship with my grown up DCs so I dont think it has caused lasting damage
I would never have smacked an under five as I don't think they can grasp 'cause and effect 'in the same way and I dont think their behaviour would in any case trigger the sort of reaction I had
I don't have DGs yet but I would definitely be in the ' my house my rules'camp I think and would hope not to have to chastise .

I was never slapped as a child and did not hit my five children. I would certainly NEVER consider smacking someone else's child grandchild ot no. My 3 year old DGD had the most amazing tantrum two days ago. I have never seen the like before. Snot, tears, dribble, trying to climb gate to go home. It was ......well it just was. Lost for words. I looked in exasperation at her 5 year old brother. He shrugged and said "Just let her to get over it grandma, mummy does. Or mummy sometimes goes upstairs with her because her screaming hurts my ears".

Phoenix don't all DH's do that, mine certainly does, I usually laugh.

phoenix My OH often helps himself to a piece of potato as it's sauteing in the frying pan. I don't need to say or do anything. I just wait for him to turn red and start flapping his hand. The subsequent blister does the rest. He never learns!!

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And then, of cours, there's the love....

Wonder why they still love me? genuinely

Ah! I know! They recognise the human being in me!

Add the odd swear word to that list.

Quoting whitewave:

"Advocating smacking is a rubbish argument. I never did nor has my daughter, neither did I shriek or shout. In my view if you resort to violence it is poor parenting."

God! I've been a rubbish parent. And gran.

Done the lot to mine in my time.

How would any of the advocates of smacking like to be smacked (read hit) for a misdemeanour?

My dgd (5) lives with me and for reasons I don't want to share, has some behaviour issues. A reward chart & positive reinforcement seems to work better than punishment. However there are some behaviours that cannot be ignored & naughty step & loss of privileges is needed. How about drawing up a list of house rules with the kids & adults that you all stick by?? Good luck ?

Yes, distracting them with some other activity is my answer. They subtly get the message that you're not happy with what they're doing but that you're not punishing them but giving them a chance to show how well they can behave.
I was occasionally smacked as a child at home but lived in fear at school as I would be belted for not learning something quickly enough. All that I learned was how uncaring some people are and how to be scared of my own shadow.
When I became a teacher myself I was even sadder to think that some of the adults who were meant to care for me, just didn't.
To this day I feel that smacking or any physical punishment achieves nothing.

Wow! I distract my young grandchildren, suggest we play a game or go for a walk.

My reaction would be the same as sues I simply never hit out at anything or anyone. It isn't necessary And it is wrong.
And it has nothing to do with the moral highground, it is simply that - wrong.

My GC are pretty well-behaved despite never having been smacked.

Phoenix, I'd probably say something like 'Oi, gerroff, that's for dinner!' Or 'Well, that's your portion gone, isn't it?' and laugh.

Hypothetical situation.

You are in the kitchen making something delicious. Your DH comes in, reaches over and swipes/nicks/helps himself to a strawberry/bit of smoked salmon/ whatever, what do you instinctively do?

This is a genuine question, by the way, not some sort of trap, just interested in how you might react!

Please be honest!