This will cause a hoo ha !

I wouldn't call a smack "hitting children". There seems to be a touch of the moral highground going on in this discussion.

For me a quick smack is kinder than the naughty step, removal of privileges or reasoning with them etc. None of the children in my family have suffered from a smack, and none of them need one now. All it takes is a "look" over glasses perched on the end of the nose.

We might be an old fashioned family but all the children know how to behave which is more than I can say for some whose parents "reason" with their badly behaved little snowflakes and get ignored.

However, I would not dictate or suggest to anyone who disapproves of a smack as being wrong. They have their way, and we have ours.

Hello sue phew! I thought I was ploughing a lonely furrow

I'm astonished that anyone would think a 14mo baby is 'badly behaved'. I've had four children and now have three GC and have never considered a 14mo as 'badly behaved'. Yes, they do things you'd prefer they didn't, but they're exploring the world because it's fun and exciting. If they're doing something you don't want them to, then divert their attention. Saying No to them is exactly the reaction they want and of course they'll repeat the behaviour if it provokes a funny response from you.

Hitting children, whether you call it a clout or a tap or not, isn't the answer. I admit I occasionally smacked my eldest, because I didn't know any better in those days, (and I'm not proud of it) but not my youngest because by then I knew there were better ways to discipline children than by hitting.

It's not a great example to set children, and I wonder what the reaction would be if a child who had been hit then went to nursery and hit or bit another child because they were doing something perceived as naughty.

Hmm! GT sounds like you deserve a holiday.

My children were the same as everyone else's children. Reason did not always work in which case my word was law - no question. As my DD says if you can convince me in 5 minutes fine if not hard luck - that's as they've got older. To be fair she will concede the point if their argument is good enough.

My next door neighbour used to hit her girls with a wooden spoon which rather shocked me because she was a very anti violence christian. I think she felt that it was "Only a spoon" whereas I felt that once you use any sort of implement you can't tell how hard you're hitting.

We have been looking after our two GS's for a week 6 & 2, absolutely mentally and physically drained. It has been WW3 every day. Looking forward to going home and some peace tomorrow.

No we don't smack children any more.

But as a child if I did wrong, my father had a leather belt which he wielded and at school we were caned. I don't feel that this caused my any problems in later life and would not wish to go back and change anything.

Perhaps your children were always very reasonable and listened to reason, ww!

I never smacked my DS (18 now) well tell a lie, I smacked him once and pushed him off the bed once when very angry but quickly realised I couldn't "control" smack so stopped it. A tap as a reprimand doesn't make anyone abusive for god sake.

I also believe in a nip and explanation if your child pinches, same goes for biting. Call the police now )

There isn't a single right way to do things, ww. The world isn't black and white. It's not as simple an issue as you seem to be arguing. Methods very similar to yours but with slight differences that you choose to call violence have worked as well and, most importantly, no harm done.

No one has answered my question though about how so many of us succeed in parenting our children without any resort to hitting, slapping, or cuffing whatever you like to call it?
perhaps no-one succeeded?

I was never ever smacked when I was a child - although I was once when I was a very cheeky teenager!
When I told a friend I was never ever smacked he said 'And it shows' in a rather derogatory fashion

No it very much depends on the parent and the strategies they adopt. You simply have to work out the lines to be drawn, and stick to them- it isn't easy and occasionally you are particularly challenged, but it so works and talking about it to my children they both have said how proud they were never to have been slapped in their lives, and I feel proud as well to have succeeded in my goal. Not that that will go down well on here!

As an aside I never hit my pets. The upshot is that they give me their absolute trust and are gentle animals that never snap, nibble or growl - except as a reaction to another aggressive dog. None violence works I'm telling you!!!!!!!!

It depends on the children! Character comes into it.

Why then has my policy of no slapping etc worked? In fact as the children got older say from 5- onwards often an " Um!" Was enough?

Prior to that I was totally consistent in what I would or wouldn't allow. No question. Prescriptions were used very rarely. I picked my arguments very carefully, and largely only those I thought important, like bad manners, or unpleasant behaviour.
My DD has never slapped her children. And in all the times we've been looking after them, there has been only once when the law was laid down, and that was entirely because they were overtired.
Not slapping your children is entirely successful.

I agree with thatbags and her posts on this.I was clouted now and then as a child, as were my own children when it was warranted ( not at all often) and we have all grown up as well behaved ( towards others) and would probably have been the same if we hadn't been clouted....however, it did no harm either, and stopped the offending behaviour in it's tracks.Sometimes, reasoning with a child doesn't work.
Some advocate no slaps at all, some don't, there isn't a right or wrong on this matter, but what does matter is finding a way whatever it is to deal with bad behaviour, which is why we are seeing so many children running rings round parents at a very young age.As grandparents we don't slap at all, it wouldn't be right, we are not parents, but we tell them to behave themselves or they will be taken home.

For me indin it was a question of picking the right fight. So I simply ignored behaviour about which I didn't approve -no eye contact no reaction. But if that behaviour might lead to harm to my child then the offending article was removed or child removed - no argument - young children can't argue - might have caused a strong reaction from infant but that can be dealt with as a separate issue.

I wish someone could show me how a stern look and a firm "no" could stop my cheeky GD from misbehaving. When she is given that response to her naughtiness, she promptly repeats the bad behaviour while looking me / her mum / my DH straight in the eye and giggling her head off! Well she is only 14 months old ...

We're not talking about stuff that would go to court, ww. I don't think we're talking about the same thing at all. We are on different wavelengths. Seems to me it's time to agree to differ. You think any slap is unwarranted violence. I don't. I define violence as being about causing hurt or damage.

Show me a study, to use your 'argument' that shows that people who got the occasional corrective cuff as children were harmed. You can't. There isn't one. I bet the sort you were talking about were not about that but about systematic mistreatment.

Hysterical? Where? I mentioned shrieking because I felt a few of your posts up thread were a bit shrieky in tone. My interpretation is all. It's allowed.

Oh bags that would never stand up in court though.

Children have to learn, as triciaf has just pointed out, that if you behave in a way that makes people angry and don't stop it when asked and reasoned with, you are likely to provoke a response you won't like.

No one has answered my question though about how so many of us succeed in parenting our children without any resort to hitting, slapping, or cuffing whatever you like to call it? And to call my arguments hysterical is showing a weak argument.

I'm with thatbags on this - the whole thing about slapping has been blown up out of proportion and become too emotional.
Talking about emotional, another aspect is that being a parent is difficult, and we do often get worked up when confronted with a stroppy child.
It's not often possible to be cool and calculating, trying to work out 'what's the appropriate punishment for this situation?' So we lose our temper occasionally and slap. And the child has to get used to the fact.
Parents aren't robots.

Neutral in point of morally good/bad and at the same time effective where other approaches have not been effective. The effectiveness part sways it into a good result. Overuse would sway it into a bad result and probably not effective. My dad was frequently flogged at school (not a private one) but it didn't stop him doing the sort of stuff he got flogged for.

My stepfather beat me nearly everyday .Was glad to escape to boarding school.☹️

When I say occasional, I'm talking about once or twice in a child's lifetime (its child-time), btw, not a regular occurrence.