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AIBU

To sack the cleaner?

(118 Posts)
rubylady Fri 30-Sep-16 02:14:46

My cleaner came again today, she's not been for a while, due to DS being at home for the summer and it being pointless cleaning while he was making mess all the time. Plus, for a while before that, when she came, she was really skittish, hyper like, running about the house disorganised in her work even though I have told her what I want done.

Today she took photos of the kitchen when she had finished and told me to keep it clean for next week when she came back. She told me that she would do a "before" and "after" picture next week. I think that is insulting. I text her before she came today and asked her to have patience with me as I find her hard to deal with but I was willing to give her one more chance. I don't think she says things or does things maliciously, she just says things without thinking but I don't need it right now. I need someone who is more organised, calm and will just go about it as I need, without comment on whether it is a mess or not.

It was the first thing she said, that it was a mess. I have bought some things over the last few months for when my DS left home and the things were around, waiting for her to have cleaned and then I could put out the new things, like you would. One was a new microwave. She was trying to insist on unpacking it and putting it in place on the unit top. She grabbed the washing up things and put them out and also the new bins. I know it's not much, but I have been looking forward to doing all that for ages, making a home for myself, not have my cleaner take over from me.

After an hour and a half I had had enough but she was booked for two hours so she insisted to stay the full time. I mean, what was I supposed to say, please go now? It's got to me all day and my throat has been tight again all day.

Would others put up with behaviour like this off their cleaner? How do I dismiss her and tell her I no longer require her services? I will find someone more appropriate but I am not good at letting people down. Do I be honest or white lie? I could say that SS have sent someone to help me instead, just to save her feelings?

I want to feel better, not to feel stressed, no matter who it is. smile

Jalima Sun 02-Oct-16 18:21:37

Well said ruby!

ps re the wire wool Stansgran, DD had a new ceramic hob and when she was not very well her DGMIL went in and kindly scrubbed it for her with wire wool and scrubbed all the control instructions off it

rubylady Sun 02-Oct-16 18:19:05

BTW Nanna58 I am waiting for open heart valve replacement surgery. It will be my third open heart surgery. smile

rubylady Sun 02-Oct-16 18:16:18

Thank you all once again for your lovely posts and support.

I am "To Te Manor Born", I sit here and expect people to come in and peel grapes for me while wafting me with reed fans, mopping my brow at extremely regular intervals and warm my milk for my bath when I decide to take my Cleopatra bath. grin

Of course I'm not! Never have been! I'm a normal Northern gal who is unfortunate enough to have been born with heart conditions and as I have got older, they have got worse. Plus lots of other conditions too, making me disabled, and have most days when I can't even get out of the house, let alone do the housework now. Maybe the people who have posted on here to say that I should do my own has never suffered a days illness in their life, and if so, they are very lucky, but when you are born with a condition and have had over 50 years dealing with it, it takes it's toll on you. I am lucky to have achieved what I have with the body I was given, having my children, working, running a home/bringing up my children on my own for the last 15 years etc., but now I need a little help and I will not be either put down for that or feel guilty for it. I have worked hard all my life and now I need looking after a bit. From someone who is caring and kind. My plan for life in general, to surround myself with kindness, it costs nothing.

Nanna58 Your comments were particularly out of order, I hope that the above post makes it clear to you that we are not all jumping around and lively people on here, regardless of our age, I'm only 52 but disabled. I once worked for a lady who was 25 and in a wheelchair because of cerebral palsy, and had been since birth. Please think twice next time before posting as you never know what the OP is dealing with. Thank you.

elfies Sun 02-Oct-16 05:22:50

sorry , hadn't realised she's been finished now. Good luck with your new cleaner x

elfies Sun 02-Oct-16 05:14:35

Simply tell her that you're sorry but its not working out, and this will be her final weeks employment.
She doesn't need to know more

Synonymous Sun 02-Oct-16 00:02:56

Stansgran I know exactly what you mean about finding a kindred spirit and have had at least three helping me in my time and they are still my friends now that they have retired.

As you say, it is about mutual respect Shanma and it really is not easy trying to explain what you need to have done and very exhausting if you have little energy.

I have a very much younger lady helping with the cleaning at the moment and she actually says she needs me to tell her how to do certain things and we have great fun and laugh a lot. She knows she forgets and she knows I find this very tiring but we are getting there together - albeit slowly! It is also nice for me to have another little family to be interested in too.

I am so glad that you have got that sorted Ruby and hope that you can find someone who is a real blessing to you and very soon. smile

Stansgran Sat 01-Oct-16 17:49:56

Form= from.
Rained = trained

Stansgran Sat 01-Oct-16 17:48:59

I've had four very good cleaners over fifty years here. One had to be restrained fom using wire wool liberally and was discreet although once she did ask me why I had a skeleton and a hunting gun under our bed. One I had was trained by a neighbour and I do meant rained. The neighbour had been head housekeeper in a top London hotel and she showed the young girl how things should be done. The young girl grew older and was in high demand for her quality cleaning and we young mums all deferred to her superior knowledge. Her friend took over when she went on to other things and the recommendation was that this new lady did a lovely kitchen and bathroom . And she does. She also adores any new gadget and whereas I prefer mop and bucket she prefers an electric steamer. She has got very excited about the Window vacuum I have just bought. I feel I have a kindred spirit.

Shanma Sat 01-Oct-16 17:01:38

At one stage in my life I did some cleaning for others which was on a self employed basis. I did it properly, that is I had the Public Liability insurance etc. I can honestly say that I did not consider my clients to be " to the Manor Born", in fact most of them worked very hard, in some instances trying to run a business and doing other jobs at the same time. I treated them with respect, as they did me. We are all Human beings, all working, and in my opinion, all equal.
I had a few elderly clients who were always home when I cleaned for them, and I was very aware of the fact that they only had me because they could no longer manage. I can see that this is not easy for them, and always made a point of discussing with them if they likes something doing in a particular way, or if they needed anything heavy shifting for them whilst I was there.

The rest of my clients I hardly saw as they were working, and I just had a key. We left each other notes. I kept their Dogs/Cats company, as they did me smile, and was quite happy to let the dogs out for a wee before I left.

Respect is the key word here, on both sides. I am not an Angel by any means but I can tell you that several of my clients actually cried when I said I was retiring .

Babyboomer Sat 01-Oct-16 13:29:30

Sorry, Ana, I Missed rubylady's last post somehow, though I did look. Glad all is now well. I'm sure she did the right thing. I knew someone whose agency carer stole from her, so I know you can't be too careful, even in your own home.

jenpax Sat 01-Oct-16 13:28:56

I wonder if your cleaner has mental health problems her behaviour sounds erratic and bizarre! Possibly Bi-polar? Either way you don't have to have this type of behaviour in your home from someone you have employed to do work for you!
I had a couple of cleaners when my girls were still at home and I was out all day.one,Nina, was with me for 5 years and was thorough and efficient. I could leave her a list of chores I needed doing and she would do them quickly and efficiently. this included in 3 hours,hoovering all rooms (4 bedrooms two reception) cleaning the cooker and hob and sink and work tops, washing kitchen floor, dusting, cleaning bathroom and doing a mountain of ironing! I only lost her when she went off to have her first baby! My second Debbie was awful and lasted 2 weeks! She was always out on the patio smoking and didn't do half the jobs I asked her to do! In the end I employed one of my daughters college friends who wanted some extra money and split the ironing between the kids for extra allowance! Good luck with this but stand firm it's your home and you should be treated with respect! Just tell her it's not working out as you seem to have different expectations of her job

willsmadnan Sat 01-Oct-16 13:00:11

Ever heard of the phrase 'He (she) who pays the piper' Nanna58? No, thought not. And as for the phrase ' to the manner born' WTF did that come into the discussion??
.

Ana Sat 01-Oct-16 12:43:29

PLEASE SEE rubylady's post of 19.37 yesterday!!!

She has dismissed the cleaner and asked her to delete the photo from her phone. The cleaner has said she will do, and there has been no trouble.

Jalima Sat 01-Oct-16 12:38:37

ruby ignore some of the posts re training etc

You are the employer employing someone to do a job that you require doing. The employer usually tells the employee what is required of them, trains them in the way they want the job done and pays them accordingly. The employee does what is required, could perhaps suggest ways of doing things more efficiently or offering to help but generally does what is required.

EmilyHarburn Sat 01-Oct-16 12:33:07

Nobody should be taking photos and telling you what to do in your house. I think she may be bipolar.

I have my cleaner for 4 hrs every 2 weeks as I find having someone in stressful. If a room is untidy i put a tray on a piece of furniture and ask her to put anything on it which she thinks is out of place. Then I can take the tray full of items and tidy up after she has gone.

You have advice on this thread and the CAB guidance site will give you advice. You can dismiss her and move on.

Jalima Sat 01-Oct-16 11:45:25

My neighbour used a cleaning firm who used to send two cleaners once a week; she herself was out at work. However, she found that they just were not doing what was required, goodness knows what they were doing and I don't think they were there for the whole time she was paying them either.
She now has a lady who comes regularly, I assume is trustworthy, and does exactly what is required.

If you are disabled it must make you feel more vulnerable and I think you've done the right thing ruby.
Good luck!

Babyboomer Sat 01-Oct-16 11:27:08

Sorry to post again so soon, but your post does worry me. You sound frightened, and I don't like the references you make to her ordering you about and taking photos of your home. If you are worried about telling her to go, could you get a friend, neighbour or relative to be with you when you do it?

Babyboomer Sat 01-Oct-16 11:15:01

Please get rid of this woman, rubylady, she sounds really worrying. She sounds like a controlling bully. Even if you have to wait a while to get someone else, it is more important to be safe than clean.

Gemmag Sat 01-Oct-16 10:55:47

Nanny58.

Employing a cleaner/gardener whatever works both ways, something perhaps you should think about. I employ a cleaner, well 4 actually- 4 hours cleaning done in 1 hour. They are lovely girls who need jobs and are more than happy to work for me and my DH and we pay them very well. They have been with us now for several years. They will do anything I ask them to do but it's usually the same routine. Cleaners just like most people need jobs.
They would never propose to tell me how anything should be done.

Jalima Sat 01-Oct-16 10:18:01

Whenever I started a new job (not as a cleaner) I expected to be 'trained', sent on training courses etc.

Just because someone knows how to 'clean' does not mean that how they do it or what they do (or don't) is what is required for everyone's house or for an individual's needs.

Auntieflo Sat 01-Oct-16 09:35:14

Tin hat on here, and raising my head above the parapet. Re:- the training of cleaners, surely the ones employed by a named company, i.e Molly Maids, are trained for the job before being let loose on their clients? (Other cleaning companies are available).
I must admit to not having read all the posts on this thread, but I did clean for a couple of years when my children were small, independently, but satisfactorily. The lady I worked for would sometimes ask me to do a particular task, other times it was a sort of weekly routine. This led to other clients by recommendation, some lovely, others not so. I used to enjoy it, but now I wish I could find another, younger 'me' to do the job for us. Backing off now.

cornergran Sat 01-Oct-16 08:27:26

Mr C is my cleaner now for the heavy stuff. Haven't had the physical strength for floor cleaning for many years. I still recall with pain some very negative comments received in my 40's when we began to use cleaners so I could continue in my profession. There was a lot of judgement so understand your anger synonymous. Going back to ruby's post, it's sometimes difficult if not impossible to get a cleaner to do what you want them to do, rather than what they like to do. I certainly said goodbye to several. Good cleaners are worth their weight in gold. Ruby you don't need that sort of attitude. So say goodbye to her and employ someone who will listen to what you want. You are paying them, not the other way round.

kittylester Sat 01-Oct-16 08:13:22

Nanna58, I was not to the manor born but have a cleaner to clean my house. I hate cleaning and can find much better things to do with my time. My lovely cleaner enjoys cleaning and the money she earns helps her stable, feed and maintain her horse!

I fail to see how that can be an issue for anyone.

Gardenman99 Sat 01-Oct-16 07:46:04

In years gone by we have had two cleaners one was very good we had a big house then when the children were all at home. She came twice a week for about two years. Then she was left some money and retired. The second one was a complete nut case who used to move the food out of the cupboards and put it in other cupboards.

PamelaJ1 Sat 01-Oct-16 07:38:19

My cleaner is brilliant, I have employed her for years but only have her for three hours a week now as I work fewer hours.
I never tell her what to do, I realise that she can't do everything whilst she's with me, but when she leaves , although it wasn't a tip, it looks so much better. Keeps me on the straight and narrow till next time.
The OP sounds as tho' she has a personality problem with her cleaner so part company. Simples!