Sharing Christmas

Not coming to Mary's wasn't the problem, YG.

IMO putting down your feelings in an email is fraught with problems. It is too easy to misinterpret the written word without the context of tone and expression. Hopefully, your ds and dil will be understanding though.

I fear that you have to accept that ds is part of a new family now and his primary responsibility is to his own dc and his partner. It sounds as if he was taken aback by the conversation you had with him and it might take him a while to process what you said.

I think you may now have to leave the topic alone and just show you are very glad to see him and dgc when they visit you at Christmas. I would counsel not mentioning your hurt feelings to him for a while. No-one wants to feel that they have upset their Mum and he will probably feel quite defensive and guilty.

So sorry to hear of the sad death of your baby. I do realise that this is a very difficult time for you and I hope that you will find peace and hope at Christmas.

Yorkshiregal Im not going to the cemetery on Christmas Day. We have a special place in the forest where we go to think of our lost loved ones. This involves a beautiful forest walk of over a mile to the top of a hill where theres stunning views over the forest and you can feel true peace and serenity. Some of my families ashes have been scattered here. After we will walk to a village pub for a warming drink. There will be nothing morbid in what I plan to do, and my son chose to do this with me.
I am very lucky to live in such a beautiful part of the country - but not very good at taking photos of it!.

Dresden .. I was very careful in the email I sent. It was only sent because son is working away for the next five days, I am away on Thursday - Sunday too so I hoped we could clear things up before then. Defensive was exactly how I think he felt, hence the man-sulk.

Farnorth I wouldnt describe this family as 'gregarious' I'm giggling here at this thought because they are so opposite. They are like a tight unit and none of them do anything without the other. I'm not meaning to sound like I dislike them, they are a nice family. They just want to have this Christmas together (all four days)

Butterflykisses.. I hadnt realised how much having a little one back in my life again would set off the past hurt. 28 years is a long time and Ive crossed many rivers since then .. This is the first time Ive found myself drowning in a long time ..
Thankyou for your kind words x

I didn't spend Christmas Day with my DD for about 12 years as she lived in Devon & we lived in Middlesex (Surrey) but always saw her around Christmas.

3 years ago I went to stay with my DD for Christmas (she insisted as it was 1st one after I was widowed), magical with 4 year old DGS waking up at 5.30!!!! I lived in Somerset then. Last year I had moved to Devon (about 10 miles from DD) so I arrived about 10.00 Christmas morning & watched DGS open rest of his presents, lovely Lunch & "kicked out" at 3.00 (my DD's words not mine), the same will happen this year . I don't need to be there first thing as he will be so excited to open my presents & show me what he's got, he also loves giving presents to other people & watching them open themI do feel fortunate but other set of GPs are "bah humbugs" in their own way