I am 65yrs old and my mother is just turned 93. She is a very very determined and independant old lady and can be very difficult. She also has macular degeneration but seems to have held on to her licence. She drives locally all the time and has never had an accident other than bumps on her car, but
I last drove with her as a passenger about 3 yrs ago and I was PETRIFIED! She drove her tiny Kia at 80mph down the motorway and when she took the East sliproad out on to the A30, not the West, she backed up the slip road and did a 3 point turn to get off. I got out of the car and was furious and thoroughly frightened. She told me I was a hysteric!
I am going down to visit her next week and unfortunately looks as if my DH will have to take the car for a couple of days and leave me without it. My mother wants us to have a day out to a small rural town in Devon about an hour from where she lives, which is also in a country area but involves some motorway driving.
I suggested that I drove her car when I came down as it was quite a long way , but she wouldnt have it at all and said it was her car and she would drive and anyway I wasnt insured to drive it. I think I am as I have my own insurance, although it would be 3rd party only; her car is not valuable so if in the very unlikely event I did have a prang it wouldn't be a disaster. and its already got loads of little dents!
I really dont want to drive with her again as a passenger and am thinking of making an excuse to visit her at a later date when I have my car. And even then, she is likely to say that we take her car and she will drive.
Am I being unreasonable or a coward !?
That's what I thought, although I'm not familiar with the area in question.
Having reconsidered, of course you couldn't do a u-turn on the slip road and get back on the motorway - I may well not pass the theory test these days! 
I am also very confusedd by this story:
{She was driving} down the motorway and when she took the East sliproad out on to the A30, not the West, she backed up the slip road and did a 3 point turn to get off.
You wouldnt have both an east and west slipway exiting the motorway on the same side would you?
I thought the driver was driving OFF the motorway. OP says "too slip road out onto the A30".
Oh, wait! I think I get what you mean, cold. Wish I had a picture of the junction in question.
BTW, if the manouevre and the backing up took place on the slip road (why both? surely you would, if you were mad enough, either back up OR do a three point turn?), what has the A30 got to do with anything?
I didn't understand how the three point turn got your mum off the motorway, tt. As I understand it, she took the wrong slip road off a motorway so backed up and did a three point turn but it's not clear where she "backed up" (on the slip road or on the A30) nor where she did the three point turn. I'm presuming, though my muddled understanding (sorry!) that she did a three point turn on the A30 and got back onto the motorway so that she could carry on and take the correct slip road off it further along.
OP says it was driving out onto the motorway that she did this dangerous manouvre
I assumed that OP's mum was driving out onto the A30 using the slip road and realized/was told it was wrong but instead of driving to the next junction she backed up the sliproad against traffic and then did a 3-point turn therefore driving the wrong way on a one way sliproad until she got back to the roundabout/junction at the top.
But you can't go back onto a motorway from an OFF slip road. Well, you physically could by driving onto the hard shoulder first, I suppose, as if you had broken down.
So is the OP saying her mother drove the wrong way (after a three point turn) on a one way, motorway slip road in order to get back on the mootorway? That's what's puzzling me.
If that is what the 93 yo did then I'm not surprised the OP was petrified.
It's not clear at what exact point the OP got out of the car. Was it in the Mway slip road or on the A30? Presumably she got back in again.
The story does not hang together well. This could be me just not understanding so I'd be grateful for a clear, point by point account so that I could visualise what actually happened. At present I can't.
(PS I realise it may well be an illegal manoeuvre)
I think the OP says her mum backed up and did a three point turn on the slip road, which sounds OK to me if there was no other traffic...perhaps I'm unfit to drive as well!
My mother was unfit to drive but could not recognise the fact herself - luckily she had to go into hospital for a planned procedure and my brother decided to "look after the car" and never returned it. She still went on about it despite advanced dementia - she was demanding the keys back just a couple of weeks before her death despite being bed and wheelchair bound - she just thought she would be OK to drive.
OP - this must be a big worry for you - I would suggest that you check that it is still OK for her to drive if you think that there is a risk that she hasn't reported her condition or that doctors are unaware that she is still driving. If they say it is OK - well at least you can take some reassurance
1.GP - call GP and say you are worried about her and just checking she is OK to drive
2. Insurance - which insurance company does she use and has she reported her condition to her insurance - if not she may be driving uninsured if she has neglected to mention this.
3. DVLA - has she reported the eyesite issue when she renews her driving licence every three years? if her macular degeneration affects both eyes it must be reported to the DVLA - according to the government website
..................................................................................
www.gov.uk/macular-degeneration-and-driving
If macular degeneration affects both eyes
You must tell DVLA if macular degeneration affects both your eyes.
You can either report your condition online or fill in form V1 and send it to DVLA. The address is on the form.
...........................................................
I didn't understand how the three point turn got your mum off the motorway, tt. As I understand it, she took the wrong slip road off a motorway so backed up and did a three point turn but it's not clear where she "backed up" (on the slip road or on the A30) nor where she did the three point turn. I'm presuming, though my muddled understanding (sorry!) that she did a three point turn on the A30 and got back onto the motorway so that she could carry on and take the correct slip road off it further along.
It's still not making sense to me, I'm afraid. Sorry, again! Are you saying that she shouldn't have done a three point turn on an A road?
Sorry if I've got it all wrong. I just don't understand the story.
It's horrible being a terrified passenger.
Well - what can I say? What we be the point of me posting something that was not truthful?
There are different ways of being fit or unfit to drive and a refusal of a 93 year old to recognise her limitations is the similar to an 18 year old misjudging how well they can drive when drunk, for example.
In neither situation would it be sensible to drive.
My bottom line is what would I feel if my child or relative was hit by an unfit driver?
Just as unhappy as if they were hit by a fit driver, which is far more likely.
However this woman IS fit enough and alert. If she wasnt 93 nobody would be inciting the OP to get her banned.
It just so happens that the particular dangerous driver in the OP is 93. My response would have been identical if she was 18
Have you got this now!!!????
Sorry but I dont think youre being truthful and I dont think youd be encouraging the OP to try to get her banned if she were a mildly disabled 18 year old.
You do have a choice as to whether you get in your Mum's car - I know it is difficult with family, but you have a right to self-preservation! It might be best to just be firm - tell her it is not up for discussion; it is your choice and you have made it!
I would go with one of the two good suggestions others have made: either put off your visit until you have your own car or hire a car for the visit.
Either way, refuse to be the passenger if her driving frightens you. She might be an old lady but she has no right to be a bully - which is what she's doing. We know why she's doing it, but ask her how she'd feel if the boot was on the other foot!
Perhaps you could do what my mother did.
When my father needed a medical certificate for his insurance she went to the doctor and said that she would "hold him personally responsible for any killings and accidents my father would have". Needless to say, his certificate wasn't renewed! 
Good luck.
The car insurance is an important part of this problem.
You have an obligation to tell your insurance company about illness if it might have any impact on your driving. They decide if they will insure you then. If you have not told them and you subsequently have an accident they can refuse to cover you which could mean expensive legal claims against you.
When signing to take out car insurance this is what you agree to. It's not just eyesight, all sorts of operations and medical procedures preclude you from driving, some just for a short time. E.g. Husband had his cataracts done and was told not to drive for 4 weeks until he had final check from the Doctor. If you have a hysterectomy you should not drive for 6 weeks I believe.
You also have an obligation to tell the DVLA yourself about any limitations to your abilities and of course this is what people do not want to do.
As a relative you could contact the appropriate Car insurance company or at least check there is a policy. My bottom line is what would I feel if my child or relative was hit by an unfit driver?
Mair - to repeat my post above:
"This is not an age issue - it is about getting dangerous drivers off the road whatever their age."
I have said that several times on this thread, but I am not getting through!!
It just so happens that the particular dangerous driver in the OP is 93. My response would have been identical if she was 18.
Have you got this now!!!????
Apologies for not stating it clearly
You need to have at least 6/12 vision in one with a full visual field
I resent your accusations of a 'casual approach to road safety' Luckygirl, it is a case of getting a sensible balance of risk against the need and right of individuals to decent transport, which public transport certainly doesnt offer, and nor do all cab drivers offer a safe driving experience either, by no means!
Youre trying to justify ageist discrimination on the basis of false notions of risk.
but unsafe drivers certainly ruined the lives of all the head injured patients I worked with
And most were not old people and most are probably back driving!
If you want to campaign against bad driving you should be calling for either much tougher initial tests or retests for everyone perhaps every ten years. Then you have to decide what happens if you fail, hhow many retries do you get, do you get a teemporary ban?
To target ONLY elderly 'bad drivers' is ageist. And the evidence against this woman is extremely flimsy anyway, based mainly on one bad event.
It might ruin her quality of life, but unsafe drivers certainly ruined the lives of all the head injured patients I worked with.
This is not an age issue - it is about getting dangerous drivers off the road whatever their age.
The casual approach to road safety that some posters have demonstrated is precisely why this continues to be a problem.
Bluebell says:
Topsy says her mother is very FRAIL has VERY limited mobility in her shoulder and neck and MD at a stage where she is having injections she has numerous dents in her car from bumps
I repeat.
Fraility NOT a reason not to drive
Limited shoulder mobility, provided sh can turn enough to look left and right not an issue. Many disabled people with far far worse mobility not only drive but get given free cars!
Dents in car. The OP also says
she hasnt actually had an accident other than bumps to the car, which I am guilty of too!
Small parking bumps in a car are certainly NOT a reason to stop someone driving and you wouldnt dream of demanding a younger personn gave up because of this!
Youre making judgements about this lady based purely on her age!
Imagine if someone was advocating banning a poor driver who was foreign based on such flimsy evidence, or a man wanting to ban a woman driver based on his judgement of bad driving skills!
Listen to yourselves!
You wouldnt dare come out with this twaddle if it was a young disabled woman about whose driving a poster had concerns.
Where is your humanity? It would RUIN the quality of this feisty old birds life if she couldnt drive!
franjess I have AMD and I have 6/12 vision in one eye. In the other it is 2/12 and that varies. The DVLA are well aware and I still drive. Your comment is wrong.
franjess
That is incorrect you may still be able to drive if you only have one eye or sight loss in one eye This is provided that: the DVLA is satisfied that you have sufficient sight in your other eye.
Nothing the OP has said suggests her mother has any substantial sight loss. My own mother with AMD still has excellent vision thanks to the drugs she is receiving and only one eye is affected anyway. It may well be the same for the OPS mother.
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