To feel sad that my adult children don't really bother with each other much?

And I should add Bluegayn58 that my sister is very argumentative too, she feels that she must go on and on until everybody else shares her views. Sometimes I've simply said that we should agree to disagree and she's been unable to accept this.

A good friend once bought me a sign: "Friends are the family you choose for yourself".

My own sons have not got on well since they were teenagers, they are chalk and cheese and really have no connection. I personally do not get on with my sister, not sharing her values based on money and material wealth. I don't think that she has ever helped anyone or given anybody anything unless it was to her own advantage.

Perhaps it simply isn't reasonable to expect two people to automatically be friends just because they are relatives, though I know that in an ideal world they would be close.

My two live over 300 miles from each other, both with busy lives and young families, so get togethers are rare. They talk or text occasionally but I think that being one male, one female means they will never be as close as same sex siblings. I know they love each other and I pass information between the two. I think they have a fairly normal relationship in this day and age and I only see either of them every 2-3 months as I live 1.5 hours from one and 3 hours from the other. I do not fret about this as I too have a lovely busy life. We're all happy thank goodness and we all know we are there for each other if needed.

My children are estranged from each other due to a particularly nasty divorce when they were young. Neither contacts each other and I myself am estranged from one of them. It doesn't bother me because I allow my children to live the life they want without interference from me.

As a sibling myself, I have very little contact with my brother, and my sister's contact is lessening as the years go by. Again, I'm not bothered as I find family contact wearing - sister is argumentative so I avoid and enjoy my own life. They all know where I am if they need me.

How strange, - exactly the same situation, Happygran. I get on well with all of them, but separately.
I was planning a big party for my 80th later this year, but it's causing problems so I have cancelled it and will have 2 smaller parties instead.

I last saw my eldest sister 33 years ago my middle sister and brother 10 years ago don't miss them and I don't think I would even recognise my eldest sister if passed her in the street, such is life!

will still be - should have proofread.

They run their own lives, and have their friends to socialise with. Family is just there - always around when they do want to contact them, but not in their hair all the time. All you can do is keep them updated on any news of each other that you hear, and invite them to a meal at yours together from time to time so that they don't lose touch altogether.

And don't criticise them to one another - those comments will still will echoing after you have gone, when they could be forging links that don't include you any more (except, you hope, for fond memories)

This is slightly off-topic but not all that much. My SIL never liked me nor my mum, and for years she applied that 'divide and rule' approach. But eventually (three decades later) my children and hers became huge friends, as adults. I think we need to take the (very) long view, there's no way of knowing what friendships will spring up among the next generation...just wish my late mum could have seen this...

Adult children are so busy working,taking care if kids and keeping up to kids extra curriculur activities that they socialise with kids friends parents that they don't make time for their brothers or sisters until its a wedding or funeral that they meet.Very sad.

My two DSs married two best friends and moved away to be with their girlfriends/wives. So they're close, which is great, but we don't see as much of either of them as we'd like. We're just glad they're happy, solvent and have good lives. That's all we ever could ask.

I think sibling friendships come out in waves. My brother and I are not close, only exchange Christmas and birthday cards and a phone call once or twice a year. We became closer due to elderly parents and now they are gone we have drifted apart again. We are both very different, I am a loner he is life and soul of the party.

My own 3 children in their 40s don't see masses of each other as they lead busy lives. However they help each other out with baby-sitting occasionally. They offer each other a shoulder to cry on and practical help times of trouble. That mental closeness is more important than physical I think.

Mine get on quite well inspite of being quite different, they both live with their respective girlfriends. One is more inconsiderate than the other and had cancelled meet ups at the last minute and not for particularly good reasons which did cause some friction. Also considerate one and partner have made more effort with entertaining, food and wine etc. with the other two, which they feel hasn't always been reciprocated. However, they have now moved away to buy a house, not too far, so they don't see each other as much as they would like to for get togethers but have had a couple since Christmas and the New Year but I know they are in constant touch on FB. I hope their small niggles stay just that and they never fall out big time.

The old saying that you can choose your friends, but not your relatives is sadly true.

My late brother's children are not close at all (since their younger brother committed suicide ten years ago), although I give them credit for both showing up to their dad's home in Florida to help when he had surgery which he did not survive, then came and went over the next couple of weeks to help my SIL.

They do not particularly like her, so I was very grateful for helping her as much as they did. They gave up their holiday time to do this. So I think some bonds are strong. Even if not close, they had a sense of commitment to the family and put aside their differences for my brother's sake and I admired them for that.

to all with difficult families and the heartache that can result.

My DDs got on well as children despite a 4 year gap and are close again now (elder is 31).The death of my younger brother (my only sibling and we were very close,not geographically but emotionally)lastyear has made them realise how tiny our family is(DH is an only child ,they have no cousins) and how much they need each other .Neither has a partner or children though both have plenty of good friends .
They live 250miles apart and dont see each other that often, but did go on a short walking holiday together last year and are planning another.They are in contact via FB and the like.I am in a whatsapp group with both
I am so glad that are making more 'effort'to be there for each other. DD2 has a very stressful job (NHS) and I know DD1 tries to offer support (She knows DD2 doesnt want worry us with everything!)
I think as our children get older and they realise their parents wont be around for ever they do ,hopefully ,realise that its important to nourish family ties

Yet another thread which makes me realise how fortunate I am. Our two are very different but have always got on well. Luck of the draw I guess.

My Daughter and Son get on well really, but only meet at family gatherings, my Son I think, resents Daughters financial prosperity, while he has hardly ever any money to spend, but just about copes, ha has has bad luck with health problems and is a single parent, but seems the happiest of the two. They do support each other in times of trouble, and I am very proud of them and love them both equally and help them out when necessary.

Mine didn't really get on as children and one has cut off contact from all the family.

I know my 3 keep a good eye on one another via Facebook, occasionally speak on the phone, one is far away and the other two meet up here for Sunday lunch every so often. They are all working, growing GC with lots of activities, so no falling out just very well occupied, its sad but I only see my brother every so often.

Didn't get on with my brother as a child, don't get on with him now.

We are polar opposites on just about everything you could name.

Thank goodness you can choose your friends, 'cos you can't choose your family!

I so wanted us to be the Waltons, big multi generational family, car each, all the kids with careeers and devoted to each other.......it just isn't how it is for us. They do speak via FB or ring each other for advice but we love too far apart for real matyness..(is that a word) and one of them speaks to none of us and we don't know why.

I would like to be close to my brother but his wife is the problem. No one in the family liked her but for many, many years I put up with her and defended her with the rest of the family because she was my DB wife. It is noted that when she is around my brother says nothing but get him on his own he chats normally. The final straw came over her DD's wedding when she said my 6 year old grandson could not come which also excluded my daughter. Later she back tracked but instead of apologising she said I was lying and she never said it. My daughter and grandson went to the church wedding and then left and I attended the reception on my own. My SIL's sister was at the church but then took the train home after some offence.

Since then our only contact has been cards at Christmas and birthdays. I would like to see my brother but can't face her. We now live in different countries.

Perhaps it's because nowadays our DC often live further away and both partners are more likely to be working full time and there's so much for children to do by way of out of school activities. I remember the fun juggling of getting our lot to various clubs and I only worked part time. I was very much in a support role and had both DPs living fairly close for emergencies. Something has to give and family is the obvious one. The feeling is that family is always there and can be picked up again while friendships have to be maintained or they dissolve.

Happygran1964, no, you're not unreasonable to feel sad. My AC are busy and they don't see as much of each other as I'd like. My brothers and I make more time for each other than our children make for each other. My middle brother is catalyst for family gatherings. He's pushy like that, maybe a male trait?

Sorry, Lona just read back up thread. I do hope things sort themselves out. Perhaps when things calm down and they realise how upset you are and what it means to have you all together as a family.