worried about safety re: DH and grandchildren

You can buy a cooker guard and then you can go through your home and make it as safe as possible. Looks like you're going to have to be the eyes and ears. You can do an online accident prevention and home safety course too. At least you're spotting things early so you can do all the preventative stuff. Well done you for being so on the ball. x

welshmist, you don't have to put up with his sh**, you really don't.

adopt that as your mantra, repeat as needed, I. Do. Not. Have. To.Put. Up. With. This. Sh**.

But you've assessed and covered the risk. Not just hoping it'll be alright.....

Nothing is concealed from our children - they trust me.

Ok I'm not a grandparent so obviously there are things I just don't understand, but what I seem to be reading is that the OP (and possibly others) are so determined to care for their grandchildren that they will go on having them even though they know, through experience, that the children are at risk. Even hair-raising near misses aren't enough.
So it doesn't matter that the child is at risk as long as the grandparents get to have time with them? It's concealed from the parents because if they knew what was happening they'd take steps to make sure their child was safe? For God' sake someone tell me I've got this wrong.

Going to bed now as you can imagine v. tired. But wanted to thank you all for your input. God bless xx

He said today Friday was his day the beginning of the weekend so he would prefer to go and play FGS he is retired, Monday - Sunday every day is play day

I have to say though that he is very happy with our house full of boxes of children's books, push chair, toys etc. and he is a very happy man indeed when the GC are here.

Don't even talk about tablets. I have bought a large medibox with a combination lock because OH takes a raft of drugs that would be fatal for little ones. But....even then I have to watch out very carefully as OH takes the day's plastic box of drugs from the medibox and brings it into the living room to take - I do not like him doing that as his hands shake badly (he has PD) and if he were to drop one it could land in the folds of the sofa etc. and he would not know as he would think he had taken it when he did not see it in the day's box; and he forgets what he has taken.

So.....I nag and nag at him, even when there are no children here as a tablet could sit unnoticed ready to be picked up. It is a huge bone of contention with us as I refuse to compromise over it. I insist he takes them in the kitchen over the working surface so that he will see and hear any pill that falls.

I know I sound appallingly controlling, but he is a sick man and it is a difficult balance between respecting his self-esteem and not having a dreadful mishap with a GC.

When we are caring for a little one I am constantly vigilant and behave as if I am on my own - it is the only way - not because he does not care, but because of his PD. He loves his GC with all his heart and would be appalled if anything happened to them.

I bought reins myself because I like to know I can grab a child in an emergency DH thinks they are not necessary but to be honest I cannot run that fast anymore. DH gets fed up with toys in the room I think a playpen would be the last straw for him. GS goes mad in the travel cot we have and not been able to use for the last year he hates it so much.

You can't change what has happened but you can stop it being a problem in future. Never leave the child in the care of your husband, get a high chair or a playpen you can stick him in when you go out of the room and reins when you go out. Although my husband is probably more of a worrywart than I am when it comes to out DGC, I don't always want him to have to stop what he is doing every time I want to use the loo, make a cuppa or whatever. It is much easier to be able to make sure they are safe rather than worrying about their safety. You can still enjoy having your GC but just put safety procedures into place. The care of children, the forethought you need comes easier to you because you've done it all before, your DH hasn't had that learning curve.

I feel sad for you too welshmist

this is lately he seems to think toddlers have a sense of danger which they do not. I do worry about dementia, doesn`t everyone these days.

I would never ever ever leave him alone with the toddler If he's always been like this didn't you realise he would be a liability and a danger or has this only happened lately ...if the latter could it be a case of the start of forgetfulness and bad judgement in other words dementia

I am sad I thought grandparenting is something we could enjoy together.

If mine had tablets he would leave them next to a packet of smarties I swear.

I have similar problem in that my H leaves his tablets within reach.

I think you are right, I will just take full responsibility for GC`s DH is obviously not cut out for it. I do worry about him anyway can be so forgetful, losing things and blaming me forgetting things and blaming me, so it is best I take charge.

Yes, he's an idiot and shouldn never be left alone with the child.

But all this 'losing contact' worry is getting out of hand and is in itself worrying...

Sorry X posts Cherry

You need to take responsibility if he won't. Are you able to mind your DS at his own house and leave granddad to burn your house down to his own devices. Either that or you take over the driving, or send granddad off to golf.

Sounds like you've two toddlers to look after. Ditch the grumpy one.

I agree with aggie. His behaviour and excuses towards you must be infuriating, but your priority has to be the child and you would never forgive yourself if you dropped your guard and an accident happened. Poor you . What a situation.

I'm afraid that the safety of your GC is paramount
For goodness sake put your GC first he is an innocent child!

Tell the parents that your DH is no longer able to look after a toddler.

You could still take your grandchild on outings by yourself or look after him at the parents house.

So sad for you but you would never forgive yourself if anything happened to your GC

Your GC has already had at least two lucky escapes!

I did threaten to tell the parents because I was worried that just made him angrier, I know I will lose contact with GS if I do this DIL is pregnant with second due in five weeks so needs our help, what to do.

I would alert the parents too. But first I would tell him that I was going to do so.
It might make him think twice or three times about his actions, but sadly, the conversation might not go that way at all.