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worried about safety re: DH and grandchildren

(137 Posts)
welshmist Fri 10-Mar-17 20:41:54

DH and I had an argument today, he was cooking his lunch left the frying pan on the outside grandchild pulled it down luckily in front of himself pan and fried egg hit the floor. I was in the other room digging out his cup from the bag heard the crash and rushed in, well it was my fault apparently for not being there. DH is so casual around the two year old so am I being a worrywart, or is he in the wrong? We have been at logger heads over care before.

tanith Fri 10-Mar-17 20:48:31

I would absolutely not leave a child in his care or in the kitchen whilst cooking if he is so lax.

merlotgran Fri 10-Mar-17 20:48:40

I don't blame you for being angry with him and he's probably angry with himself so just thank your lucky stars your DGC wasn't hurt and don't labour the point or your DH will completely lose his confidence around the child.

Keep an eye on things though.

welshmist Fri 10-Mar-17 20:56:44

I am keeping my eye on things, frankly I just do not trust him, he is too laissez faire about the whole child caring thing. I worry about his driving these days, he has a few dings in the car and rages about stupid drivers huh!! When we take GS out in the car he races around does not indicate and shouts at others, so now I am going to drive. What sticks in my craw is that I am a nag and anything that happens eg hot coffee cups left around etc. is my fault.

Ankers Fri 10-Mar-17 20:57:35

In what other ways would you say your DH is casual around the two year old?

Ankers Fri 10-Mar-17 20:58:03

x post

merlotgran Fri 10-Mar-17 21:00:40

Ignore my post about cutting him some slack then. The man sounds like he's enjoying winding you up.

A good way of getting out of childcare by the sound of it. hmm

Ankers Fri 10-Mar-17 21:02:03

Poor you. You have one of those men who does things wrong and blames anyone but himself.

Are the parents aware of things?

welshmist Fri 10-Mar-17 21:09:27

Other ways he is casual, well he allowed GS to go up the steps on his own from front door to drive, then DH wandered over to car, GS of course ran up the road, nearly got hit by a neighbours car as he came around the corner. No I have not alerted the parents am too worried they will not let us have him anymore. I just feel so alone in this grandparenting thing.

Ankers Fri 10-Mar-17 21:14:52

Was he so casual with his own kids?

aggie Fri 10-Mar-17 21:18:17

well you ARE alone !! I wouldn't let him near the child unless you are there . I am afraid I would alert the parents to the situation , and try and get OH to the GP for a Memory Test

welshmist Fri 10-Mar-17 21:19:01

He was not around for his own kids, worked long hours so all childcare was left to me. I know men are more rough and tumble with children but his defensiveness to me is inexcusable, to blame me for a child running into the road that I had to chase and flag a car down or blame me for a frying pan is imo. unreasonable.

Ankers Fri 10-Mar-17 21:21:39

I would alert the parents too. But first I would tell him that I was going to do so.
It might make him think twice or three times about his actions, but sadly, the conversation might not go that way at all.

welshmist Fri 10-Mar-17 21:24:01

I did threaten to tell the parents because I was worried that just made him angrier, I know I will lose contact with GS if I do this DIL is pregnant with second due in five weeks so needs our help, what to do.

Cherrytree59 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:24:05

I'm afraid that the safety of your GC is paramount
For goodness sake put your GC first he is an innocent child!

Tell the parents that your DH is no longer able to look after a toddler.

You could still take your grandchild on outings by yourself or look after him at the parents house.

So sad for you but you would never forgive yourself if anything happened to your GC

Your GC has already had at least two lucky escapes!

Atqui Fri 10-Mar-17 21:28:47

I agree with aggie. His behaviour and excuses towards you must be infuriating, but your priority has to be the child and you would never forgive yourself if you dropped your guard and an accident happened. Poor you . What a

Anya Fri 10-Mar-17 21:28:58

You need to take responsibility if he won't. Are you able to mind your DS at his own house and leave granddad to burn your house down to his own devices. Either that or you take over the driving, or send granddad off to golf.

Sounds like you've two toddlers to look after. Ditch the grumpy one.

Atqui Fri 10-Mar-17 21:29:38

Sorry X posts Cherry

Ana Fri 10-Mar-17 21:30:42

Yes, he's an idiot and shouldn never be left alone with the child.

But all this 'losing contact' worry is getting out of hand and is in itself worrying...

welshmist Fri 10-Mar-17 21:31:03

I think you are right, I will just take full responsibility for GC`s DH is obviously not cut out for it. I do worry about him anyway can be so forgetful, losing things and blaming me forgetting things and blaming me, so it is best I take charge.

Atqui Fri 10-Mar-17 21:31:44

I have similar problem in that my H leaves his tablets within reach.

welshmist Fri 10-Mar-17 21:34:17

If mine had tablets he would leave them next to a packet of smarties I swear.

welshmist Fri 10-Mar-17 21:35:08

I am sad I thought grandparenting is something we could enjoy together.

BlueBelle Fri 10-Mar-17 21:35:34

I would never ever ever leave him alone with the toddler If he's always been like this didn't you realise he would be a liability and a danger or has this only happened lately ...if the latter could it be a case of the start of forgetfulness and bad judgement in other words dementia

welshmist Fri 10-Mar-17 21:41:32

this is lately he seems to think toddlers have a sense of danger which they do not. I do worry about dementia, doesn`t everyone these days.