Help us: Allow children to see their grandparents

Smilelss a very valid point, but all then wonderful joy of being grandparents was ruined and going to court would have just meant the end of any relationship with our daughter which would have distressed us even more,

Also the contact would not have been normal contact would it?

Just so very very sad for us all smileless ?Yogagirl?All of us we just can only hope to be at peace with ourselves,

Smileless

Not a troll from Mumsnet, if you're interested....
You could look at my Ehlers-Danloss post today.

When Mr. S. and I were tentatively looking into going to court for access to our GC, a dear friend made a very valid point. She asked how much worse it would be for us if for a time we managed to get contact and build a relationship with him, to eventually lose it.

As I've previously posted, we never had the opportunity to do so as he was just a baby, 8 months old the last time we saw him. Knowing how painful it is for us I can only imagine how more so it must be for EGP's who did know their GC before they were taken away.

My s.i.l & his mother are Narcissists Starlady take no criticism, even if not meant as such. My D warned me once to never mention the fact that my GD is not his child as he would go into a rage! He has told everyone [who would believe] that she is his child. He was definitely getting rid of my D, when she was allowed to return home, he had destroyed all photos of her with the C, only him left in pics! It took him 6 weeks to work on my D to agree to cut me out! It was only at this time I began to see the real J. The children must have suffered, I know my GD began to wet herself, imagine your mother suddenly disappearing from the home and all the pictures of her vanishing, I'm sure he made a big show of the destruction of the pics too!

My deepest sympathies, Anya, on the loss of your precious gc.

Yoga, how odd that sil cut you out AFTER you helped him and ed get back together. Maybe he didn't like what you said, but it was true and, obviously, he believed you. Hard to fathom his behavior (as you well know, I suppose).

Thanks celeb for explaining more about The Children's Act, etc. Sorry ed wouldn't do mediation. At least, you tried.

Typo s? Meant no winners

Wellsaid luckygirl ??

Sad situation where there are now winners, in ourncase we would have been happy to have given so much love care and help to the little ones but sadly will never get the chance, they also lost their only blood uncle etc etc,

Unfortunately the blunt instrument of the law will not stop parents or GPs from sewing the seeds of negativity in the minds of the GC, any more than it does in child/parent custody/access cases. The law can tell parents/GPs what to do, but cannot stop either undermining that by spreading poison about the other party, to the detriment of the children's well-being.

Very complex and very sad.

Sadly not.

Well we are all different to my mind it's the thought rather than the value and £50 is a nice amount to receive annsixty surely?

Take your point compared to car, but if there had been no contact??

Things never black and white are they?

Sorry annsixty just read your other post ??

I expect lack contact was the reason lesser gift at least they sent something.

Let's continue with the kindness as Anya said!?

Yes I did compare them unfavourably so you didn't misunderstand, and in your eyes I an obviously wrong.

Anya isnit your dog?

Myndear little Rosie still fighting onat 14 despite huge scare last month her bladder seems fine now we take each day as
a bonus

Lucklgirl itnis. Very complicated sad situation

A friend won court order, saw her grandkids regularly but ended in heartache when oldest became 16 ed moved away never saw her again at same time her husband died, daughter sent card saying sorry I loved my dad?!
Weird way to show it,

Annsixty you compared gifts of car and £50 unfavourably did I misinterpret that?if so I apologise.

I am Still reeling from sending cheque for my ds stepson 18th no thanks likewise aftershave tie for younger one birthday plus 2 large Estee eggs no thanks,
I guess I just find that so ungrateful and rude we are on fixed income.
Therefore you touched a nerve,

Why would I deliberately misinterpret a post. . .?
Please don't look for trouble

I do think that the complexities of this sort of sad estrangement are unique to each family and that the problem needs to be tackled on an individual basis. The law is a hugely blunt instrument that could create an increase in resentments rather than improving the situation. As I have said before the only thing that matters here is the welfare of the children. The pain of the GPs must be truly dreadful but, as others have said, if the children are happy then that really is all that matters; and I am full of admiration for those GPs who cannot see their GC but accept the status quo as they know that fighting it will cause confusion and anxiety for their DGC.

Yes of course I do Anya and I do feel for you and your family I can't imagine the pain it's a loss one ever recovers from fully.

In myndaighter eyes I did something wrong obviously and I would imagine my s inlaw played huge part but I think very well Anya said most of us could not inflict that level of pain on anyone,
I know I couldn't live with myself I try hard not to hurt anyone I am not a saint just very very vulnerable after 8 years of heartache,

MY dear hairdresser lost a little girl died In womb and thank god she has a beautiful little boy now, but she says never a day goes by she doesn't think of her little daughter, and I can totally relate to that,

?Anya a very good post,

Off to nurse a very sick, old dog

Well thank you for your kindness to me celebgran in deliberately misunderstanding my post and accusing me of "sheer rudeness" very kind indeed.

Let the kindness and understanding continue.

Exactly yogagirl, I never knew my grandparents at all my maternal ones died before I was born but my paternal Nanna as I called her sent us presents regularly from Ireland's my dad was Irish, in those days money was tight dad didn't take us to Ireland until sadly she had passed but I still remember the parcels from nanna, who I was named after.

It is a very sad thing whichever way it is analysed to cut a child indeed children off from an entire half of their family for no good reason, whichever way parents try to justify it there is no justification,

For that reason I have signed the petition,

It's good that we are, at last, entering into frank and full discussion on this. Re your point celebgran that there it was a deliberate action on the part of these children to cut their parents off, yes I take that point. Always have in fact. Most of us, not matter what, would never hurt others like that.

Re the point that you never did anything to deserve it, I take that point too but then neither did my son and his wife do anything to deserve losing their toddler. Life is unfair, cruel.

I hope you take my point that somewhere out there your grandchildren are alive, and living their lives albeit, sadly, without you.

Celebgran I was merely pointing out that for their other two GC the GP's bought cars for their 18th birthdays as it was considered a big celebration. It is the inequality I was referring to.
Of course my GC could ring themselves but as they hardly know them even after 18 years ,contact is at a minimum apart from thanking them at Christmas and birthdays.

Nodding in agreement at your priests words Celebgran, and I have always been so, as I know you have been too, and yes C that's all us Grandmothers ever wanted; to love our Grandchildren & AdultChildren, that's all, just love.