I still get irritated by this - AIBU to hate being referred to as a 'girl'...

DH just came into the kitchen as I was attacking a butternut squash with great vigour.

"My word, you're a stout girl" he said

I said "What do you mean STOUT?"
(I did notice the 'girl' but decided best to leave that)

He said "I mean stout of spirit not the other meaning"!!


but he did carry on peeling the butternut squash.

To be fair, Carolghill did respond back about page 6. I think she noted her reaction was a bit visceral, but felt she needed to make her view known to him. So as she does know him for a number of years, this will likely not affect their 'relationship'...hopefully.

The continuing posts are more to debate trisher's POV that it was anti-women/feminist for him to have said it. It certainly was not as I can see a deliberate put down of women!

I cannot understand why Carolghill and trisher in particular, and others who agree with them, are getting such stick. I too would have found the use of "girls" patronising and offensive. We may not all agree about these things - obviously we don't - but there is no need, IMO, for such vitriol.

Anyway, why couldn't the man just have said "Hi"?

OP not been back to comment yet?

I actually get irritated by people who start an anecdote with 'Okay', but it's really not worth pointing it out...

I dont mind the term 'girls' but cant stand 'Ladies' which sounds rather arch and old fashioned, like something out of the 1950s. 'Women' just sounds rude. Guys I hate - an American import. I dont know what is the best collective term to use when addressing a gaggle of females - any of them is likely to offend. For me, 'girls' is the least offensive! It's very difficult for people to know what to say.
I also think if someone uses a term you find annoying, it's more polite to say nothing and let it go.

Opposite here,im Mrs not Ms,been Mrs for 45 years.

Having just ploughed through this thread, I have come to the conclusion that men don't stand a chance - I feel sorry for them.

(This won't last long, mind)

But how are they to know which of us don't mind being called "girl" and which of us do? Should we wear signs round our necks or wear tee shirts saying "Do/Don't call me a 'girl'!"?

Call me anything but 'misses'if that is how it is spelt I am elderly but how do they know I am not a single /divorced elderly.

My friend and I do river walks about four times a week. On one of our regular walks we pass the entrance to a building site - recently a 30-something construction worker in a hard hat & high-viz jacket said in a strong Sarf London accent "Come on gals, get those knees up!" as he assumed a serious walker's arm & leg movements.

My friend who was in front said something along the lines of, at our age this is a good as gets, and I said (clocking that he was rather chubby) why don't you join us, it's good for the body!

Laughs and smiles all round.

Our mutual repartee was over in about 10 seconds. Nothing ageist, sizeist or sexist .... just a human interaction that gave a few moments pleasure.

As others have said, it's all about context. I think we're all old enough to know when to put a transgressor in his place.

Sorry, just noticed that it was the friend who was 50 - perhaps the man was very, very old.

The problem is that courtesy and manners change because they are entirely decided by society and society changes. Some people choose to stay stuck in the rut they have always been in and other try to understand that what was once rude (because society said so) is not now rude and that was once not rude is now deemed to be rude (because current society says so).

What I find surprising is not that some, possibly very old, people on here do not understand the modern view of 'girls' but that a 50 year old man does not.

Saying things that others find offensive is just deliberately giving offence - why would you choose to do that?

Also, according to the OP, this 'chap' actually came over to greet her friend... the OP just happened to be there and was included in the greeting. Sometimes it's not 'all about' you (the figurative 'you' meaning anyone who might over-react when not necessary.)

a rather nice chap

How utterly degrading to a man is a dismissive description like that?
Damned with faint praise!

It is obvious that the person greeting the OP and friend was NOT inferring they are childlike girls at all and was taken aback that his greeting was taken that way. It's the OP who decided to take it that way and put him down for it as she felt he was out of order. Did her friend agree with that? He was just being friendly. If he'd said something off-piste, like Hello, My Darlings... now THAT would have been rude.

Also, correcting a Mrs X vs a Miss Y is a completely different issue and, of course, should be pointed out and is not the same thing at all as it's a name correction.

Going by the responses here? OP is being unreasonable. Otherwise why is there a thread for asking if something is unreasonable if OPs just want someone to validate their POV. It doesn't work that way.

Sometimes we ALL need attitude adjustments in life. I certainly do, and try to accept them when needed and not take umbrage (yes, there was a thread on that, too!!)

In the overall scheme of things to worry about, where does "being referred to as girls" come?
Before or after
Donald Trump
N Korea
Floods in the US floods and storms in Australia
Brexit
General Election
Cancer
ISIS
Boko Haram
The position of women in India or Pakistan (or Saudi or indeed many countries)
People trafficking
Refugees
Sex slavery
Thirld World poverty
UKIP
LE Pen and her Front National
International terrorism

Getting close yet?

Trisher this is a debate,the OPer started it off obviously to get reactions,I'm afraid they are not always going to be the reactions she wants.But is it any worse than you calling some of us dinosaurs?Ahem! Isn't that ageism? Is it? Right,I'm put out and upset now boo hoo hoo pass me a tissue.
Ridiculous? Of course it is.
Sticks and stones etc. Come on ya all,were made of sterner stuff than that aren't we?

He's hardly going to greet you with "hello women" now is he? "Hello ladies" could be a compromise, if it bothers you that much.
I've been a women's libber all my life but even I don't think this is patronising. I come from Yorkshire and call people "love", others call them "dear" - it's not patronising or demeaning, just informal. My sons at 37 and 40 are still "the boys" - it's just a turn of phrase.

A friend affectionately calls his OH 'Old Trout', but they are theatrical people and I guess that might explain it?

So, had this 'nice man' said
'Hello Ladies'
would that have been offensive too?

I wonder what term he should have used to address them that would not be found 'offensive'.

'Women - how are you?'
'Hey, you two - whatsyernames?'

I think I may have found the 'Hi' more annoying than anything but I wouldn't say so.

Just what is appropriate?

I don't care if you don't mind what you are called as I have already said. I do care that many of you refuse to allow someone to express feelings of offence and call it rude to do so.

When I first started teaching most children had the same surname as their mother and father however in later years it often differed. If I didn't know and a parent corrected me-" I'm not Mrs X I am Miss Y" I didn't find it offensive. In fact I apologised for not using the name they preferred. It isn't rude to tell someone you don't like to be addressed in a certain way.

My (female) friend calls me 'my lovely'

I don't like being called 'Love' in a slightly superior way by a man I hardly know though.
Especially when he is trying to tell granny how to suck eggs.

I admit to raising an eyebrow on first occurrance at being collectively referred to as "guys", but accept that it is fashionable with a younger generation.
I have never objected to being anyone's love, pet(al), hinny, lady, dear(ie), madam, ma'am, hen, duck, chuck, treasure, sweetie, Miss or even Mrs P (former teacher).
I was sweetheart to my parents/grandparents and acushla to a dear family friend.
I am a Sis, Darling, Mum, MamMam and Grandma/Babcia to my family.
To me, all of these terms are positive.

Jalima1108 Mon 01-May-17 15:27:50
& Devon it's "my lover. Ah yes, I could have got extremely offended when I moved to Devon to be asked by lots of men I didn't know 'All right me lover?' as they served me in the market/filled my petrol tank etc etc

Ooo-errr here in Zummerzet I get called 'lovey' by some.

I don't really care what anybody calls me (oh, apart from that young doctor in A&E who called me m'dear while I was being sick into a cardboard bowl - reaction to ibuprofen before you ask!) as long as they call!!

i don't mind being called a girl - inside i'm still a girl and will be for many years yet.
now and again friends and i have a girls' night out and very often a friend and i will go for a girls' lunch.
there's nothing derogatory or infanticising about being called a girl.