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I think this is very sad.

(81 Posts)
jellybeanjean Wed 03-May-17 19:06:00

My GD, who is 4 and very bright, told me recently that she is happy for me to come and visit her but she doesn't like my partner so he can't come. When I asked her why she didn't like him, she said 'because he's got that nasty thing under his eye' (partner has a small bag under one eye, which incidentally has just been removed). He would be heartbroken if he knew, as he thinks she's lovely.

How sad to decide not to like someone because of how they look so early on in life. It's left me feeling quite bereft.

Riverwalk Wed 03-May-17 19:28:18

I wouldn't take such a young child's declarations to heart - my DGD(8) recently said that I was very old (I'm 62) and DGS(11) leaped to my defence and declared that I was indeed old, but very acrobatic! grin

cornergran Wed 03-May-17 19:36:31

One day dgd2 said I had a funny face and was ugly, the next I was beautiful and she loved me. Best ignore it and visit together as usual.

Rigby46 Wed 03-May-17 19:48:34

OP what did you say to her when she said that?

BlueBelle Wed 03-May-17 19:48:45

Oh dear take it with a huge pinch of salt she's only a babe and probably doesn't have the sophistication of lying yet
Carrying on visiting and forget it was ever said don't be sensitive to the words of a little one .....they say funny things like why have you got all those lines on your neck or my little grandaughter who one day was very cross with me and knowing I can't drive through bad eyesight hurled a screaming insult of 'Nana no drive eyes you're making me so cross'

Fairydoll2030 Wed 03-May-17 20:45:03

Please don't worry. Little ones can say very hurtful things that they don't mean.

A few weeks ago, my 3 year old DGS said, 'I don't like you Nanny, you make me sad, but I like Grandad!' Then, just last week, he said to DH - who he absolutely adores - 'I don't like you grandad but I love Nanny!'

Ooh, they can press our buttons at times.

Ana Wed 03-May-17 21:02:50

My 3 year old GD once said to me in an accusatory way 'You've got a beard!' (she actually meant moustache, I obviously hadn't been as diligent with the Whizzit as usual!)

rosesarered Wed 03-May-17 22:33:56

Youngsters say all sorts of things, it isn't up to them fortunately,to ban visitors.
Ignore it.In any case, you say he has had the eyebag removed now.

rosesarered Wed 03-May-17 22:35:48

They take against: beards, moustaches, tallness, fatness,spots, warts and anything else you can think of.

judypark Wed 03-May-17 23:35:34

JellyB, she is only 4 and probably forgotten about this now. I clearly remember at age 5 asking my mum not to come to parent's day because she had ginger hair which for some reason embarrassed me, looking back mum was a stunning redhead.

Elrel Thu 04-May-17 00:23:26

18 old burst into noisy tears when her teenage sister came into the room with a different makeup and hairstyle. She obviously didn't admire the careful Japanese makeup and elegant updo! Oddly the little one is not at all fazed by masks which terrified the older sister when tiny.

M0nica Thu 04-May-17 08:16:50

DD has been left with a badly scarred arm following a road accident. The first time her much loved nephew, aged 3, saw it, he pointed at it and with disgust said 'eurgh' in a very loud voice and turned away. He soon got used to it and, some years later, doesn't even notice it.

Children will say these things, but they mean nothing and are soon forgotten

Christinefrance Thu 04-May-17 08:37:23

My grandson came into the bedroom when I was changing and said " you've got a fat tummy Nanny " true of course.
Don't take to heart what young children say, ignore it and move on. As they get a little older it may be necessary to explain about not making personal comments. Don't react to your grandson's comment or he will persist.

Rigby46 Thu 04-May-17 09:07:19

Well I'm clearly out of step here - if a 4 year old says something like that I would gently talk to them about it not being a kind thing to say, that it could upset someone and make them feel sad and that(in this case) the person they were making he comment about loved and cared for them. In no way would I ignore it ( but obviously not punish it) - how do they learn about what is wrong and right?

MawBroon Thu 04-May-17 09:18:25

I agree that even young children can learn what unkind comments are, but also it is up to us as mature adults to be patient. Many of them only articulate what we might be thinking but are too polite or have been conditioned not to say out loud.
It is not necessarily pejorative, but a reaction to a visual stimulus , no judgement implied. So a "fat tummy" is an observation, not a criticism!
Think of how we might cuddle or tickle a baby (or a puppy!) and say lovingly" ooh that's a chubby (=fat) little tummy!! " It's the intention that makes the difference.
But 4 is quite old enough for a patient and loving word about being kind.

Anya Thu 04-May-17 10:00:13

I'd tell them too Rigby but not make it into a Big Thing, just enough to get my point over.

TerriBull Thu 04-May-17 10:13:46

Young children have yet to learn not to make personal comments and don't know they are being hurtful, That comes in due coure, but then they lose that wonderful completely natural way. My GC zoom in on my moles, not that I have that many I might add, "with you've got a horrible brown spot, why's that there?" To my husband when doing up granddaugher's shoes a couple of years ago "grandad did you know your head's grown through the top of your hair?" not as bad as one of mine though that shouted out from pushchair within earshot of the person "why's that lady got big fat legs" shockI hope you manage to gently talk your gd round, I'm sure she'll grow out of it.

jellybeanjean Thu 04-May-17 10:44:14

Thanks for all the comments; DGD has said this before so it's not a one off. I did say to her that I thought it was a shame that she felt that way and that my P is a really nice man. Problem is that it's difficult for him to visit my DS and DIL house with me anyway, as he's disabled and in a wheelchair, has bladder problems and feels embarrassed about visiting. I think it's fair enough for a child to make comments about how people look, I'm sure we all did it when we were younger (mummy, why has that lady got a beard/blue hair etc). But it was just the fact that she decided that she didn't like him because of the bag under his eye. BTW, he looks even worse now as the dressing has come off and he has a massive black eye!

Incidentally, she told me that I had a creased neck! And now I must go and check my whiskers...

MawBroon Thu 04-May-17 10:45:28

Maybe I should iron my creases!! grin

Norah Thu 04-May-17 11:44:52

They grow up soon enough, just speaking gently about kindness is a plenty.

Bellanonna Thu 04-May-17 13:39:28

My little 4yo GS enjoys pinching my neck wrinkles. It makes us both laugh.
Jellybean I can understand how hurtful that must have been. But don't worry, it will change. They say what they see. She will grow out if it.

Sarn Thu 04-May-17 15:58:57

Kids say things like that dont take it to heart, I remember saying I didnt like my aunty I think my mum was chatting intead of showing me attention. She turned out to be my favourite Aunt, so fuuny and lovely. She has passed away now, but I dont even know why I said I didnt like her!

logansnanny Thu 04-May-17 16:06:34

My little 3 year old grandson told me on my birthday that I was very old,lol.Bless him.Love him dearly.

maddy47 Thu 04-May-17 17:17:08

I had to raise my voice to my youngest granddaughter whilst babysitting, after she came downstairs for the umpteenth time. I told her to go back, and not to come down again. She flounced up to the bend in the stairs, then turned and said "And Granny, I don't love you at all any more".

She is also fascinated by the blue veins on the back of my hands and my saggy chin.

To counteract this, on my 70th birthday earlier this year I had a home-made card from my oldest granddaughter (age 11) which said "Roses are red, violets are blue, unicorns are fabulous and so are you".

Luckygirl Thu 04-May-17 17:51:15

My toddler DGS announced that I had a "hairy bottom" when I was getting dressed one day. I don't think he was actually referring to my bottom, but who knows, I cannot see round there! grin