I think this is very sad.

I think this thread is addressing two distinct issues.

Young children don't have the language and social skills to realise that an honest factual observation such as "You're very old aren't you granny?" can be seen as tactless or hurtful and yes, they will 'grow out of it' as they become more linguistically and socially sophisticated.

Jellybean's granddaughter then went on to make a value judgement based on appearance. As she's only 4 I wouldn't criticise her but I would guide her to think about this in the way Rigby suggests.

There are so many haters in this world who judge people in terms of race,
disability etc that I think its really important that our children hear wise counsel and learn to be kind and tolerant.

When my daughter was little I made her a Clothkits doll and only realised when I'd finished that I'd put the arms and legs on the wrong sides so the shoe buckles were on the insides and the thumbs faced backwards. I was a very busy working mum and decided to leave it as it was. My bright 4 year old spotted my mistake right away and I turned it into a lesson about how we still love people (and dolls) even if they aren't perfect. She still teases me about this at 39 but the lesson was well learnt.

My DS aged 2 told me my face was all shabby! As that was nearly 50 years ago I can't imagine what it looks now!

DH & I (64 & 62) have both started to need to wear glasses for reading. Our 2 year old GD says "take your glasses off" Perhaps she is just not used to us in them, but she's quite emphatic about it. She has however, realised that when she's here, the glasses need to stay on for the bedtime story!

My nephew was about the same age 4yrs, he would not kiss my cheek because I had a mole behind my ear. Gone now, I quickly had it removed. Parents should teach their children not to judge a book by its cover. In simple terms of course.

Some of the most intelligent people I know in my life have their hair in a raster style, and wear hippy clothes. They are just trying to make a statement, ie I do not conform to the norm. Some of the oldies you see in the street could be cockle shell heroes or medical consultants/vets that have retired. Everyone has a story to tell. I bet some of them would surprise you with theirs.

My 3 year old son refused to cuddle or kiss me when I had my waist length hair cut to shoulder length. He said I wasn't 'his mummy' anymore. It broke my heart (especially as I was a bit upset at having the hair cut anyway but as he had learnt to stand by pulling himself up on it & I was expecting another baby I didn't want to got through that again & it took ages to dry too!)

Half an hour later despite giving me strange looks he was back to being cuddled again & by the next day had forgotten it completely.
I bet your GD won't mention it again either if you just ignore it. They haven't learnt tact at that age.

I think, from experience, that she was probably scared and frightened of something that she had no control over and was out of the ordinary. The bag under the eye abvioisly worried her and she didn't know how to cope with it or understand it, other than not have to encounter it. Be patient and explain that the very thing she was frightened off is not there anymore.

JellyBeanJean perhaps you could tell her that he had a poorly eye and it is better now? Always tell a child the truth.

I would have said 'Yes, isn't it lovely, it is silver you know', that would have made the lady happy and would not be denying what the child said. Children see what they see and you cannot gag them can you.

I once was in a supermarket queue and the lady at the cash out desk was very miserable and snappy. My 3 yr old son said 'That lady is very grumpy isn't she!' to which we got a glare which could have stopped me in my tracks, but I chose to say 'Ooo look up there, I think I saw a butterfly!' which distracted him. Maybe she was having a bad day?

I remember standing in a queue in a supermarket with a friend and a little girl with her mum were standing behind us. Suddenly, in a very loud voice, the little girl declared to her mum ' that lady's got sparkly bits in her hair'! My friend had white hair and mine was very dark but with a sparse sprinkling of white hair! The child's mum was so embarrassed but my friend and I just laughed and said to the mum ' well, it's true enough, and nice to be described as sparkly bits!' Children tell it as they see it with no harm intended.

Jallybean, your DGD is 4. She thinks Santa is real, there are monsters under the bed and whomever can tie their own shoe laces weaves some powerful magic. Your partner has an unusual appearance and in particular if they don't know eachother verywell this surprises and confuses her. If she were fascinated by that bag and reached out to touch it would you mistake that for a tender caress and a desire to know the person better?
To me it sounds like both yourself and your DH are very insecure with regards to your partner's relationship with your son, DIL and DGD. Perhaps DGD has picked up on this?

She's probably just a bit scared because in story books bad people always look bad in some way. If your partner talks to her about his eye and lets her ask any question she wants to, she will come to terms with it. So I think in the long run it's ok to tell your partner what she said and if he is mature about it he will understand.

He could start off by saying in a kindly voice "I hear you're a bit worried about the bag under my eye, let me explain it to you then you can ask me anything you want to about it"

As others have said, I wouldn't take it to heart. It bothers me more when society pre judges you without knowing anything about you. DH and I cut quite dashing figures when we were younger, both tall and reasonably good looking in our prime. We had our own business and a very nice home and heads would turn when we walked into a room. Now, age, stress and illness has taken it's toll and to look at us you'd think we were a couple of vagrants . I might catch a glimpse of someone looking at us oddly, as if we are shady characters. I just think to myself they don't know anything about us, what we've done in our lives, where we've lived or what we've got. We are both passionate about our hobbies and invest in them rather than spending our money on expensive clothing or coiffures. Prejudice is a very ugly thing and if people can't look beyond the surface then it is they who have the problem.

I went on holiday with two of my grandchildren at Easter. On seeing me in a swimsuit the 4 year old informed me that I have got some chubby bits .... thanks for that ! She's right though !

We had a four yr old in Reception class slap an Inspector on the bottom, as she was bending over admiring work, and sing "Hey, Fatty Bum Bum". Luckily she had a sense of humour! ?

Years ago a small niece announced to an elderly neighbour that she liked her even though her face was all cracked! The old lady was very amused and repeated the comment many times. Children do notice things but at 4 I wouldn't think she is aware that it could be hurtful or rude.

She's four! That's what kids her age say as they lack the social empathy that has to be learned. I'd have told her that everyone is different as it would be really boring if everyone looked exactly the same (and very difficult to find family and friends if they all stood together!). Point out something she's got that you don't (long hair perhaps or different coloured eyes) and say all these different things make you, you and that everyone is special for that reason

When I was a child I was visiting my gran in Glasgow and was at a large playpark near where she lived. I ran over to my gran / mum and said "why has that boy got a funny face?" (I was also about 4 at the time). The boy in question was the boy David. My mum and gran explained that he hadn't been well as a baby but that he was still a happy wee boy and seemed to love playing. I said OK and went off to play with him on the climbing frame. His "parents" were thrilled and spoke to my gran / mum saying that it was so nice they had explained it so simply to me. I don't remember the incident but have taught my own daughter that everyone is special and slightly different.

I feel your pain. My 4 year old grand daughter is expecting me to have a baby sometime soon due to the 'fat belly' she noticed I have at last visit..........out of the mouths of babes etc.

I would be very matter of fact and just say 'it's not very nice to say things that might hurt someone's feelings...and I am sure you didn't want to be nasty because you are so lovely'.

A little girl who lives in nearby once asked me how old I was. At the time I was 73 and told her that. "Oh, that's when you die, isn't it" she said. A few weeks later when I saw her again she looked surprised and said "you should be dead by now".

I would have a word with her Mum. She could teach her that it is not right to make such personal comments and how hurtful they are.
Years ago my dgd said, 'I'm not kissing Nana, she's got spots on her face.' I'd got rosacia and I was so upset. I went to my GP and told him this little tale and he prescribed medication to clear it up. Previously, I'd been told I had to live with it. I still take the tablets when it flares up and the result is no spots.

She's four years old, that's what they're like at that age brutally honest. I'm sure your husband won't be crushed by such a remark, just laugh it off. My eight years old GD says she loves my "turkey neck" , in front of the rest of the family . It was funny and even a bit true ?

One of my DGD's kept telling me I had white hair. Was I shocked? No - I have white hair. Another, who had never met her GF, my late DH, kept telling me that 'Grandad's dead isn't he?' Was I upset. Not really - he is dead. It gave us an opportunity to talk about him and look at photos and discuss... I think some people read too much into what small children say. It's easy enough to just explain that to shout in a big voice that 'that lady's got a a big fat tummy' or 'why does that man smell' is not actually appropriate. Distraction and a small amount of explanation is the way to go. Why get yer knickers in a twist?

Well said Rigby46.Sense spoken.

Breda Laughed out loud at this, out of the mouths of babes springs to mind!!!

Many years ago my DH had a bad back and bought one of those vibrating cushions, my DD told her whole class at school that we had bought a vibrator. Needless to say it sort of went viral. Just laugh and carry on.

Not a very forgiving granny then?