I think this is very sad.

Many years ago my mother was with my four year old daughter when mum met a friend whilst out shopping. Mums friend remarked on how much my daughter looked like my mother, to which my daughter looked up and said " I don't want to look like you Nanny!" I don't think my mother ever forgave my daughter for that remark.

When I lost my hair because of chemo I tried to be careful always to wear a scarf when my 3 year old GS was around as I thought it might upset him. One morning he unexpectedly walked into my bedroom. He looked at me and pointed and exclaimed "No Hair". He wasn't the least upset and found it rather amusing.

As others have said little ones say often what we are thinking and maybe don't like us " warts and all".

It is an evolutionary thing. In the first days of humans, when it was important just to survive, then anyone who looked damaged or differnt or not good breeding material was avoided.
A four year old is till reacting this way and must be told about it and her feelings accepted and then helped to get over it and when growing up she has to learn not to say such things.

There are lots of different examples here and not all similar to the OP. First of all, the age is relevant. I think 4 ( when they may be coming up to school/nursery) is certainly an age at which unkind comments should be addressed. Secondly, there is whether what the child is saying is a factual observation in which case, that's slightly different and perhaps a 4 year old just needs to be nudged over time over this but then there is linking a physical fact, as in the OP to an unkind comment such as not wanting him to come to the house. That should never be ignored, it isn't OK and needs addressing although as I said gently. How will they learn otherwise? I just think of all the adults who've never learned not to be unkind about physical features - so it's just not true that a child simply grows out of it.

Incidentally!

Oncidentally, while little ones can be outspoken they can also be charmingly accepting of difference; just curious about it. My OH's wobbling hands come in for comment - but not derogatory.

My toddler DGS announced that I had a "hairy bottom" when I was getting dressed one day. I don't think he was actually referring to my bottom, but who knows, I cannot see round there!

I had to raise my voice to my youngest granddaughter whilst babysitting, after she came downstairs for the umpteenth time. I told her to go back, and not to come down again. She flounced up to the bend in the stairs, then turned and said "And Granny, I don't love you at all any more".

She is also fascinated by the blue veins on the back of my hands and my saggy chin.

To counteract this, on my 70th birthday earlier this year I had a home-made card from my oldest granddaughter (age 11) which said "Roses are red, violets are blue, unicorns are fabulous and so are you".

My little 3 year old grandson told me on my birthday that I was very old,lol.Bless him.Love him dearly.

Kids say things like that dont take it to heart, I remember saying I didnt like my aunty I think my mum was chatting intead of showing me attention. She turned out to be my favourite Aunt, so fuuny and lovely. She has passed away now, but I dont even know why I said I didnt like her!

My little 4yo GS enjoys pinching my neck wrinkles. It makes us both laugh.
Jellybean I can understand how hurtful that must have been. But don't worry, it will change. They say what they see. She will grow out if it.

They grow up soon enough, just speaking gently about kindness is a plenty.

Maybe I should iron my creases!!

Thanks for all the comments; DGD has said this before so it's not a one off. I did say to her that I thought it was a shame that she felt that way and that my P is a really nice man. Problem is that it's difficult for him to visit my DS and DIL house with me anyway, as he's disabled and in a wheelchair, has bladder problems and feels embarrassed about visiting. I think it's fair enough for a child to make comments about how people look, I'm sure we all did it when we were younger (mummy, why has that lady got a beard/blue hair etc). But it was just the fact that she decided that she didn't like him because of the bag under his eye. BTW, he looks even worse now as the dressing has come off and he has a massive black eye!

Incidentally, she told me that I had a creased neck! And now I must go and check my whiskers...

Young children have yet to learn not to make personal comments and don't know they are being hurtful, That comes in due coure, but then they lose that wonderful completely natural way. My GC zoom in on my moles, not that I have that many I might add, "with you've got a horrible brown spot, why's that there?" To my husband when doing up granddaugher's shoes a couple of years ago "grandad did you know your head's grown through the top of your hair?" not as bad as one of mine though that shouted out from pushchair within earshot of the person "why's that lady got big fat legs" I hope you manage to gently talk your gd round, I'm sure she'll grow out of it.

I'd tell them too Rigby but not make it into a Big Thing, just enough to get my point over.

I agree that even young children can learn what unkind comments are, but also it is up to us as mature adults to be patient. Many of them only articulate what we might be thinking but are too polite or have been conditioned not to say out loud.
It is not necessarily pejorative, but a reaction to a visual stimulus , no judgement implied. So a "fat tummy" is an observation, not a criticism!
Think of how we might cuddle or tickle a baby (or a puppy!) and say lovingly" ooh that's a chubby (=fat) little tummy!! " It's the intention that makes the difference.
But 4 is quite old enough for a patient and loving word about being kind.

Well I'm clearly out of step here - if a 4 year old says something like that I would gently talk to them about it not being a kind thing to say, that it could upset someone and make them feel sad and that(in this case) the person they were making he comment about loved and cared for them. In no way would I ignore it ( but obviously not punish it) - how do they learn about what is wrong and right?

My grandson came into the bedroom when I was changing and said " you've got a fat tummy Nanny " true of course.
Don't take to heart what young children say, ignore it and move on. As they get a little older it may be necessary to explain about not making personal comments. Don't react to your grandson's comment or he will persist.

DD has been left with a badly scarred arm following a road accident. The first time her much loved nephew, aged 3, saw it, he pointed at it and with disgust said 'eurgh' in a very loud voice and turned away. He soon got used to it and, some years later, doesn't even notice it.

Children will say these things, but they mean nothing and are soon forgotten

18 old burst into noisy tears when her teenage sister came into the room with a different makeup and hairstyle. She obviously didn't admire the careful Japanese makeup and elegant updo! Oddly the little one is not at all fazed by masks which terrified the older sister when tiny.

JellyB, she is only 4 and probably forgotten about this now. I clearly remember at age 5 asking my mum not to come to parent's day because she had ginger hair which for some reason embarrassed me, looking back mum was a stunning redhead.

They take against: beards, moustaches, tallness, fatness,spots, warts and anything else you can think of.

Youngsters say all sorts of things, it isn't up to them fortunately,to ban visitors.
Ignore it.In any case, you say he has had the eyebag removed now.

My 3 year old GD once said to me in an accusatory way 'You've got a beard!' (she actually meant moustache, I obviously hadn't been as diligent with the Whizzit as usual!)