AIBU to not feel any gratitude?

Last weekend my DD, GS and I popped out for coffee using my car.
She noticed my car was decidedly dirty and said "I'm gonna wash your car when we get back to mine".
"Oh thanks darling, don't worry you've got enough to do". She insisted and it looked wonderful after her hard work. I was thrilled and thanked her profusely.

Just wondering if you ever do little jobs for your mum ... or if you thanked her for her efforts in your garden.

Oh, I love Anya's idea of assigning Mum a job when she comes over. If she's really trying to be helpful, she'll pitch right in. If she's just trying to be in control of your home, she may suddenly complain of "being tired" or whatever and want to spend more time "just talking" with you.

Mum may mean well, but if she's making critical comments as well as taking jobs on herself, then, imo, she IS being judgmental. I'm not sure why you "can't say anything" just because she is "sensitive." What's the worst that will happen? She'll cry? Scream and yell? Storm out angrily? Sulk and stay away for a couple of weeks? I know you don't want any of this to happen. But if it means she stops doing things without asking, perhaps it would be worth it?

You don't have to give her a whole big speech. Maybe try just stopping her in the act when you catch her? (Never mind that, Mum. I'll take care of it.") Or saying "No thank you," when she shows up with a lawn mower, etc? (If she complains that she hauled it all the way over to your house, you can remind her - gently - that you didn't ask her to.) She may be hurt and angry in the moment, but I bet she'll never do it again.

If you can't bring yourself to be firm with her, then I guess you'll just have to laugh about it in your head ("There she goes again, lol!") and enjoy the extra time it gives you to do other, less mundane things.

When I mentioned to my daughter that the kitchen was a mess, she told me to mind my own business because I didn't live there. That was the most freeing statement ever. I did not take offence because I can visit without having that nagging feeling of having to tidy up so, I never offer. If you don't want to feel aibu, tell her how you feel. It worked for me.

Maybe your Mum was just being a Mum ?
Maybe she just wanted to be of help to you in what ever way she can in return for what you were doing for her, i.e.: the baking, feeling useful as Ninathenana said.
Once a Mum, always a Mum.
Try not to take it as an insult icbn2820. One day your mum will no longer be there to do these things.
I wish that my Darling Mum were still here to ask me the same question before we ever went out anywhere:
"Do you need the toilet Dear"? ?

Just be grateful it was just brushing the path.My mum would house and dog sit when we went on holiday.
Found out once after she had gone home she had scoured my new expensive pride and joy non stick frying pan.

I potter around doing bits and bobs when I'm at my daughter's. I only wish my mum was still here to do the same at mine! Treasure your mum and appreciate her while you have her. I so wish I'd appreciated my mum more, I'd give anything to have her back.

4 year old granddaughter is very scathing about my untidy bedroom but I don't think hers is any better. The clutter on my bed she was grumbling about before school this morning consisted of 4 tellytubbies, Minnie Mouse and a pile of children's books (she likes us to read together before school)!

Oh how i wish my mum was still here to pick up a broom and sweep my path.

Oh I hope I haven't made my DD feel like that as I've just emptied her washing machine and put it out to dry, me trying to help as I saw the cycle had finished.

How I wish somebody would sweep/weed/trim my garden for me. I think I would have been a bit miffed if it had been dusting or cleaning my home, but somebody who wants to do my garden is always welcome! Send her round to me!!

OK - simple solution. I've read all the posts and absorbed both sides of the debate.

Your house, your mess V your mum

Have a job lined up for her when she arrives - something that lasts about .20-30 minutes. That puts you back in control (you've chosen the chore) and then when she's finished, thank her and sit down together with a and a biscuit.

I'd love someone to do my ironing

Win-win.

Sure wish your Mum would come and visit me! Try to be lighthearted about it and even suggest she keeps on going and not to stop at the garden path. Healthy banter is a great reliever of stress.

It shouldn't be more difficult with daughters!! She's just helping ..one day she won't be there to do it!

My DIL is a very busy teacher. For the last 7 years I have done her cleaning, and gardening. Any time I am there I do whatever I can such as emptying dishwasher, dealing with rubbish/recycling. I know how awful it is to return home from work to face the way you left in in the morning. However, if we visit and she is at home, I don't do anything. I know she wouldn't like that. I do it out of love and I know she appreciates me. Perhaps it is more difficult with daughters.

If people want to help it's nice to let them feel useful.

I think you are over reacting. I would be pleased to think someone was so relaxed in my home they felt they could join in.

I don't think it's a matter of opinion on the state of your home, criticism or anything similar. I suspect she likes to be doing things and sitting still while you are baking is boring.

'was'

I just wish I had my mum/mum in law still around! Your Mum most likely, only trying to help.

I used to love my mum coming to stay when my children were young it was heaven by the time she went cupboards all clean and tidy ironing up to date ,pile of mending done and my twin girls and son were all little angels when she was around.When my DD retired he took over running the house to 'help' her so she loved coming to me to feel 'useful' win win all round.My sister in law didn't like her helping though saw it as interfering!! Do occasionally take my daughters dogs out when she works and I do her housework she loves coming hone to a tidy home .rings me and says the fairies have been in again mum it looks lovely , which is her thank you.just enjoy any help you get

I have to babysit often and get bored, will take this thread to heart, my daughters may well be pleased with less sweeping, or they may wonder if I have taken leave to my sense.

My motto is to always assume good faith and I avoid a lot of unnecessary grief. So the garden was in dire need of tidying and your mum was up to the task. As a busy mum yourself, you probably have a lot on your plate and some parts of the house are going to be more of a priority than others. Assume that your mum was trying to be helpful, not 'judgmental' and then go outside, offer her a cup of tea and enjoy your garden.

Years ago my Dad used to bring my children home from school to our house. He had an hour or so to wait until my Mum finished work and needed collecting, so he would sweep the kitchen floor, wipe down the surfaces, even peel potatoes for dinner. I so missed this when they became too old to need collecting from school and I came home to all these jobs. Enjoy the help you are getting OP, it won't always be there and is done with love I'm sure.

I think your Mum was just trying to be helpful, and maybe was a bit bored while you were baking. I would have been delighted if somebody helped me out in the garden.