AIBU to not feel any gratitude?

I can't say anything to her, ultra sensitive nature. But it just niggles. I know I am being very petty...... yes she's only trying to help, doing things that need doing etc etc but tbh who's opinion should matter in my home? Surely that'll be mine or my husbands! When I go to see my daughters that's exactly what I'm doing seeing them not seeing what I think needs doing in & around their home. Their 'mess' should not be & is not my concern, unless they ask for help or accept my offer.

my mum in law used to do my ironing when she visited,she hates a full basket and mine is rarely empty ...I never complained.Shame she's not fit to do it now though,she's itching to get her hands on it so I have to keep it hidden

I think she was just being helpful. My mum used to always wipe the top of my kitchen bin ( it was a bit messy sometimes) but I just made a joke of it and we'd laugh.
Be glad that she feels at home with you. ☺

That's just the sort of thing my mum would have done as she liked to feel usefulI. I'd have been happy to let her get on with it.
Now if it was MiL .......... not that she ever did.

I remember my paternal granddad coming to our house and going out in our garden and telling my father he didn't think much of his runner bean and tomato output or his gardening skills. My dad was really peeved, it stood out in my mind because it was the first time I'd heard him complain about either of his parents.

It would irritate me . My MiL used to look under the sofa cushions for crumbs and then go and gets dustpan and brush to sweep them up and expect me to be thankful, when it was all I could do to shout at her to stop it.

Yes I agree with N& G once a Mum etc. Think its just an automatic thing to see a job and help with it. You are a little unreasonable as I don't think it was a reflection on the state of your home. Maybe the crumb thing was a bit OTT but its a need of hers to be tidy it seems.

Yes !!

She saw the path needed sweeping so swept it , thst isn't giving guidance , you sound as if you have a bit of guilt about that path speaking of judgement and guidance

Sweeping up stuff in the garden wouldn't bother me. Mt mother-in-law used to muck in and do some weeding when she visited (once a year). Some people can't sit still.

On the other hand when my mum visited while the kids were small, she asked how could I relax when there were still toys about after they'd gone to bed? I think I had just swept some to one side with my foot before sitting down with a much needed cup of tea. I replied: "Very easily, but you're welcome to clear them up if you want to." She didn't.

I don't think she made another comment for about twenty years when we were out walking Baby Minibags in her pram in a rather muddy park. As we walked I scooped up some bundles of dry grass and put them in the basket under the pram. Mum asked what it was for. "To clean the mud off the wheels before the pram goes in the car". Y'know what? She was actually impressed!

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I do the same as you when I visit my daughters.
My own late mother used to rearrange the ornaments in my house because she didn't like the way I had them, it used to really annoy me.

I think she does things because they annoy her. Before now I've walked into my front room to find her crawling around on all fours picking up crumbs as I've not got around to hoovering. I know she means well & wouldn't purposely do anything to upset anyone-ever! But like I said I feel it as a kind of judgement. I've visited my own daughters before now, asked if there's anything I can do to help & come away thinking 'OMG how can you live like that' when they turn down my offer to help. But I appreciate that in their home I am just a visitor. ...

Aw bless her, she was probably just looking for something to do while you were busy and wanting to help. Yes, i am sorry but I do think you are being unreasonable.

Once a mum always a mum.

Did you say anything ?

I think your Mum was only trying to help and it was no criticism about your home. She saw something that needed doing and just got on with it .

If you'd rather she didn't say so .

I know how you feel. My MIL when she occasionally stayed with us would rush off to clean the loo if we had unexpected visitors. It wasn't in a gruesome state either - not by my standards anyway. I certainly didn't feel grateful.

I do think YAB (a teensy bit) U icbn2802 Maybe your mums heart was in the right place and she just thought that she could repay the favour (in a kind of one good turn deserves another way)by doing something little for you.