Kids having kids & unproteced sex

I too am relatively new to this site but I am astounded by the high moral tone some are dishing out norose was making a point about single mothers - maybe the numbers are declining but maybe just maybe it's perception
Soaps in particular seem to feel that relationships are. 5 minute wonder everyone gets pregnant at the drop of a hat all have enough money to spend in the pub every night to go on holiday whenever they feel down etc etc - w know its not real life but maybe to some of these yougsters living on depressing housing estates where the men don't give a damn and they have nothing to look forward to - a baby makes them feel special gets them extra money and so - the fact that there's no father figure around is neither here nor there
I live in a securely middle class area where the majority of people are wealthy 2,3 or 4 car owners money doesn't seem to be a problem with token social housing
I couldn't begin to imagine how some of the poorly educated girls live - I can only think that a baby is just something of their own to love
I don't agree with it I don't condone it and I don't know what the answer is

quizqueen as someone who got pregnant THREE times whilst using the contraceptive pill I can confirm its not 100% safe ...so yes accidents happen.I was happily newly married an dhad just started my business when I got prgnant the first time ,after a lot of" no your not pregnant" by doctors I miscarried around 7 weeks...I still felt pregnant but was still told I wasn't for another 6 weeks then told I was still carrying one of twins ...sadly I only carried her for 7 and a half months when she arrived early and died.I later got pregnant twice on the pill and miscarried both those babies too .I repeat DONT JUDGE when you dont know the circumstances .as to the fundng of houses for young women and young men ,thats a different thing but I wouldn't see any teenager being put on the streets because of family issues at home OR because they were in care and had no family to take them in when they left at 16 or 17.We're not all lucky enough to have supportive caring parents!

I have never agreed with single young women being given priority state funded housing which I feel some see as a way of getting away from the rules, or lack of them, of mum and dad (or just mum usually, as history tends to repeat itself). No excuse for anyone to get pregnant these days without it being planned when free contraception is widely available.

paddyann and valeriej I totally agree with you about how things have radically improved for young mothers since 'Philomena' days. And I am worried about what trisher says - and what I know to be true - about the possible effects of long term cuts to the very worthwhile Sure Start programme.

But those girls (and there may not be many these days, I agree) who are absolutely clear that they do NOT want to keep their unplanned babies - for whatever reason - should be offered adoption as a viable alternative to a termination soon after the birth of their children.

One of my children has been through so much heartache through infertility and it seems the only alternative these days if you want to adopt is to take on a child who may have been damaged by inadequate parenting in their early years.Adopting a newborn seems practically impossible.

I agree Penstemmon I was just thinking about the excellent "Sure Start" programmes that supported parents and babies . It was reckoned that such support made differences to the children in adulthood, leading to less crime and more success in education. Of course the programme was subjected to extensive cuts. So goodness knows what will happen to those children now, presumably the situation will only get worse.

to not too

That's extreme ExaltedWombat. I think you could safely edit 'we' too 'I' if there was an edit button. It would seem you have assumed the role of spokesman/woman for the board. Is that where the Exalted comes from?
I for one can certainly speak for myself, but thank you anyway.

trisher I know that very few of those excellent 'family' support programmes, access to training courses etc. are still running, especially since the big cutbacks of children centres and local authority education departments.
I know some people find it hard to appreciate that there are parents who need help to learn play with their children etc. Parenting is not always instinctive. I think many of us learn the basics through our own parents and refine through experience.

Look, norose4, you started a thread based on a bit of Fake News. All you can really do is back down gracefully and admit you were misinformed. Then we can have respect for your future opinions and all be friends.

I've always been aware of the problem. I've worked in schools where there were mums scarcely out of their teens. Some of them were aspirational and one school was working with the parents of all the children to help them try to raise their standard of living by offering access to training and qualifications. Of course recent cuts will impact more on these people than any others.

Sadly many of the (reducing numbers) of young women having babies without the support of a caring partner are children of the same.
If it appears the norm in your situation to have a baby/babies by different transient men then it takes great strength and maturity to do differently. Many of course do reject that.

Many young people are growing up in situations where aspiration is non-existent. Poverty is not just financial. I have worked with many families who did not see any value in school/education, other than a free child minding service. Even in those families with a reasonable income but low educational achievement were not always 'aspirational' for their children. They were happy if they were not causing any sort of .ripples. It is a complex situation but I strongly believe that it is not a new situation. We are just more a ware of it now because of appalling shows like Jeremy Kyle (which I have seen parts of on 2 occasions)

I would have been more terrified of my parents reaction had I announced I was pregnant as a teenager than of having a child! So I did the obvious thing and used the birth control pill.

The pill has been around since the '60s and I'm guessing that there was an unexpectation that unplanned pregnancies would drop dramatically.

I simply can't comprehend why girls make one 'mistake' and then make perhaps a couple more, frequently with different fathers. It's the babies I feel sorry for.

Being back marriage!

Norose I understood what you were saying. I feel sometimes intimidated on this site I've learned to be careful in what I post as some jump on you very quickly. I'm not a brain surgeon or a mathematician just a gran who observes life and sometimes want to comment on it on this site without being shot down in flames. I'm of a happy nature but do feel others may struggle feeling this way.

Does all this free sex now mean that family trees are no more!!?

...All this admittedly some years ago but it shows the mind-set and desperation.
One of my ex-students with 4 known sibs ' same mother different father' turned first to drugs at age 15. She was housed near a chemist's shop so she could pick up her leagal supply first thing in the morning.
Next time I saw her she was pushing a small baby in a pram.
'Why, oh why?'
'I wanted something to love and they wouldn't let me have a dog in the flat.

This is happening in smaller towns around the country Trisher, where there are flats & they are allocated on basis of need which rightly or wrongly goes to a predominantly single mum with on average 3 children . Obviously in big cities there aren't any flats available & these poor girls end up going from B& B to B&B perhaps these young peeoples experiences will encourage them to assist their children not to go down the same path. That was my original point really , about have we let young girls down where they believe their only life style choice is to have a baby?

No they aren't legray22 in most areas there is no social housing anyway. I don't know where you live but all over the country there are families living in B&B accommodation because there isn't any housing available for them. Average stay for a family in such accommodation is a year. Where do you imagine these flats are ?

Those far off days are long gone thank goodness
Has anyone seen the film Philomena,it was on TV last night,but i saw it before that
It was a very bad time in the 50s, where mst girls had the babies taken off them and often sent abroad without their knowledge,a very sad time i was in tears watching it,
My own sister had a baby in the early 60s, and was sent to a mother and baby home, and it wasnt much different to that film, which was a true story,they had hard work to do and no one was supposed to know, it was shameful
These days it has swung the other way, and yes,some girls do get pregnant on purpose to get a house i know 2 personally, both were given a 3 bedroomed house, with only 1 baby, both have gone on to have 2 more by different fathers who they never see,
No need for it these days, both came from good families

Yes this is definitely happening Legray 22,

Thanks to all those who have understood the subject that I clumsily raised, many of you have expressed what I was trying to say far clearer than I .yes the sexualisation of young girls definitely has an impact exasperated by social media & media pressure. Although we have wonderful young men out there, but there are also so many out there who still treat females as sex objects , not helped In my opinion by the love them & leave attitude of some of rich & famous . Also the continuous adverts about ' how to please your man' there is also enormous pressure on girls to have a certain appearance. Some girls are devastated if the don't have the right look, clothes etc this impacts on their self esteem & therefore are very vunarable to the attentions of a man/boy who basically (as we used to say) wants to get his leg over & quite often they both under the influence of drink.When I worked with a 13 yr old very developed girl , she asked me should she give boys a BJ , took me a minute or two to get what she meant, I told he she should not do anything she didn't want to & about her age , his age etc.to which she replied her mum had been teaching her how to do it, but she didn't really want to.as you can imagine her life was very difficult.

My problem with teenage pregnancy is that a lot of young girls get pregnant in order to qualify for a flat from social housing. This seems to be their only way of acheiving independence away from the parental home.
In my day we planned a career, to travel and have fun after completing our studies, then get married and have children.
It's a dreadful situation and has been going on for years; 'the flat' is furnished and equipped for them at the tax payers expense and the benefit system continues to finance this little family indefinately, it seems, or until said child starts school or other factors kick in.

Parents are to blame. We live in a day and age where this can be openly and freely discussed with teenagers but parents have stopped parenting by the "book" and now parent by "social media" and what social media says you should do and not do or say and not say. That's where the problem lies.

It is young women who are living in poverty with limited opportunities and a lack of real care and love in their lives who tend to have babies at a very young age. If you have few choices getting pregnant seems like something you can do and if you have little love or care a baby seems like a way of bringing love into your life. If norose4 is working with young girls she must be aware of the difficulties many of them face. However I do note that her original basis for her post seemed to be the Jeremy Kyle show.
Even promiscuous middle class girls get pregnant sometimes but they are more likely to have an abortion because they see a baby as preventing them from reaching their goals.

This is a problem for all ages surely. As I get older I find it strange that women around us are still having unprotected sex and "accidents". In fact a lot of studies show that STDs are a growing concern in the older generations.

I am saying that she was concerned about the results of their behaviour, and what do you think she does while "Working in youth club, youth supporter at school."? Keeps quiet about the ddangers of promiscuity?

You have never heard that young women are pressurised by young men into sexual experiences and think that their boyfriends will go elsewhere if they don't "put out"? That has been happening since time immemorial.