Wedding

With respect, this is her day, not yours and it's entirely up to the happy couple how they choose to organise the event.
Surely you aren't tallying up who owes what in terms of support lent and favours owed?
Family love doesn't involve keeping score.
Just be genuinely happy for them and offer your congratulations.

Has it occurred to you to ask her why you didn't get an invitation.

I certainly wouldn't have left it and hoped for the best.

Both you and your husband are entitled to know.
After all, you are family.

It's downright rude and insensitive to blank you like that.

My son lived with his partner for many years, they even had a child, but insisted marriage was not necessary. Then out of the blue he sent a wedding picture from a registry office wedding, it was a total shock, but that was their choice and at least they did not waste thousands of £ on it. I would have liked to have gone - suggested that we and bride's parents could have gone out for a meal, if nothing else. Apparently they said the same, but what's done is done.

So sorry you feel upset, but they probably didn't think that anyone would be upset by their very quiet wedding. We got married with relatively few people present - its my first marriage, and my husband was a widower.

I hope people weren't upset at not being invited to our wedding - I was just thrilled to be getting married and didn't really think that it would be a big deal for other people. I do hope you will feel less upset as time goes by. We would have got married with no one there at all but that proved impossible!

I doubt anyone intended to hurt anyone and perhaps didn't realise their importance to you? As others have suggested, can you host a dinner or small party for them in a few weeks? What's important is that they love each other, and that everyone else accepts their choice of wedding and feels able to congratulate them. ?

Please don't be sad or angry.My brother had a second wedding in Las Vegas with just me and my partner present. None of the rest of the family in the U.K. knew until the morning of the wedding. That included our dad, my brothers sons and families, my SILs twin sister and her twenty something daughters. They were sorry not to be there but arranged a big party for her on her return. Perhaps you could think of something to celebrate their happiness. It sounds as though she perhaps has a better time ahead that she has had in the past. Try to be glad for her if you can.

My youngest daughter has been sailing round the world with her partner for five and a half years. They had a daughter, my first grandchild in Mexico and we went out to visit them there. It was incredibly painful not to be around for the pregnancy and birth. A year and a bit later we all got an email from her HUSBAND saying they had got married the day before. In Fiji with no guests but their sleeping daughter and two employees from the registry office as witnesses! I did feel a pang but it was what they had wanted and we had experienced the full white wedding in church for her sister three years earlier. We got over it and I hope the OP can do the same.I don't need to instance all we have done for her - she's our daughter.

My sister's younger daughter got married on Friday, with just Very close family present. Total number in the bridal party was 12, including 2 babies (who behaved beautifully), and everyone thoroughly enjoyed the day. All the couple's friends and colleagues enjoyed an evening party that night, which completed the festivities perfectly.

Sleepyamber. Your SIL had a reason for doing it 'their way' and it was their choice.I understand your hurt I would feel the same.
I can't however understand SIL purpose in sending a photo of the event?.What did she hope to achieve?
Next step.Send a card of congratulations, sit back and wait for SIl to make the next move.Least said soonest mended.What is DH's opinion.?

I agree - vent your hurt on hee but not to tgem. Try to put a brave face on, congratualte them and offer to put on a small celebration wven if its just inviting them for a meal. Maybe a small wedding present? You dont want to spol your relationship!

I think my daughter will do this at some point due to family logistics and her hating fuss I would be sorry to not see her married but she as my blessing to do what she wants and as low ng as she is happy I am .

I like your idea Radicalnan........a small simple celebration laid on by you , your gift to them as well. This has happened twice within our extended family ...both to Gretna Green with close friends as witnesses. Both second weddings. Sometimes it's the expense as well as who to invite without upsetting someone else. I can imagine you are upset as you obviously feel close to her but try and view it from different perspectives. Some people like the surprise element of marrying like this. Whatever their reasons once you have got over this initial shock/hurt be happy for them.

We did the same too, I was a driving instructor and took my pupil along after her lesson to be a witness !
We didn't tell anyone for a couple of months, not even the children.........didn't want any fuss.
If our families were upset they didn't show it, now I'm wondering if anyone was

My SIL got married in Spain with only a couple of friends present. We weren't invited but it was their choice. We were just happy for them. I can understand why you are hurt but please try and wish them well x

My sister did almost the same thing, it was second marriage for her and they just wanted to be married no fuss.They didn't invite anyone,dress up, have a celebration or even take photos.They just wanted to marry quietly so they did.Like you we'd all been supportive of her in times of trouble etc but it was what they wanted so we were happy for them. Good for them I say, it's not about the day itself but the happy years that follow.

I can't work out from your description whether other family members and friends were invited to the wedding, or whether they only had the legal witnesses present.
I can understand only too well why you feel hurt, but if no-one was invited except witnesses I feel you have less reason to be upset, than if you and your husband were excluded.
However, if you want a good relationship with your sister-in-law and her new husband, I think the best thing is to send your congrats and say nothing about your hurt, right now. Perhaps later, you can at some time mention that you were sad not to be there and felt excluded.
A young woman who we practically regard as a daughter did the same to us, after having invited us to her wedding, she then got married without telling anyone and only sent a text message afterwards! We were badly hurt and made, what I now see was the mistake of saying so, so now we are barely on speaking terms. In hindsight I would have done better to have held my tongue, as we both miss her.

I do understand your feelings but your future relationship will depend on your response. The couple wee entitled to do as they wanted. Why not take them out for a fab meal to celebrate & to enjoy their company. That is if you want to keep the friendhip alive.

So sorry you feel so hurt Sleepyamber, not everyone thinks these things through. I was at the hospital a couple of months back. A very long wait was in store but I was lucky enough to be sat next to a very nice lady and her sister. Her sister went to find something to eat and we started to chat. She told me she had been with her partner for a few years and they had planned to go away for a few days and get married without telling anyone. She said I was the only person she had told. Probably because I didn't know any of her family. It was clear she was very close to her family and said she planned to go to her mother's place of work and surprise her and her sister!!! I asked her if she had thought about this very carefully and she seemed surprised and asked if I didn't think it a good idea. I said it was her day but just to think about how the family may not be quite as happy as she thought they would be. Of course, I never saw her again but wherever she is I hope she is really happy with the decision she made. Maybe your relative didn't realise how hurt you would be. Accept it and wish them happiness!

My brother had a similar wedding. It was his third marriage and I think he wanted this one to be just the two of them, with no fuss, and no expense. He let me know after the event and I was absolutely fine about it. I'm glad that he and his wife are happy and that's the main thing.

Wish her well and offer to lay on a celebration, low key bar b q would do or cream tea....up to her if she wants that. You can share their happiness, does that have to be a specific location and at a set time?

Get a simple cake and a bottle of fizz.......it will be your present to them and to yourself. Life is better with celebration rather than upset in.

You are hurt because you see it as a rejection of yourselves
It is almost certainly that they wanted to get married without a lot of emotional and practical fuss
It's their choice so I would suggest you accept it without rancour and enjoy the new relationship

Next time she needs help let her get on with it, family aren't just there for when your back is against the wall, they are there for the good times too.

My ex got married and did not bother to tell our children. He saw them regularly. He rang my house on the way to his honeymoon!

Yes we did the same thing too, none of our children were invited although we told them beforehand. Retrospectively I would do things differently. As Phoenix says its done now, wish them well and be happy for them.

My darling daughter did this same thing. I always knew she was never going to waltz down the aisle in a princess gown but it never crossed my mind that I would actually be there. Unfortunately, messy family logistics on both sides put them in an awkward position so off they went without any of us. When I found out I was devastated that I hadn't seen my own child on her special day but i did understand why they had done it. Wish them well and get over it.

They obviously wanted a low key event, just 2 witnesses, ok, they happened to be "family/relatives" it's gone, in the past, you can't change it, is it really worth falling out over?