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Social Media faux pas

(18 Posts)
Glenfinnan Fri 23-Jun-17 18:16:05

I have a dear friend who is not on any social media sites. I visited yesterday and congratulated her on the engagement of her son, who is staying with her. She knew nothing about it! He posted his news last week! I felt terrible! Wish I had let her update me with all her news first then I would have realised she didn't know. He is a bit of a problem having had many relationships and 2 children with different women. I apologised and said I assumed she knew. She was ok but I know she wished I hadn't said anything! Now I'm worried that she has this to worry about! What should I do?

wildswan16 Fri 23-Jun-17 18:35:35

I'm sure she understands that it really wasn't your fault. It sounds like the young man may not be particularly skilled at communicating with his family and it was thoughtless of him not to let his grandmother know. Next time you are in touch I would just reiterate your apologies that you feel you may have upset her by passing on the information, and then forget about it. It would also give her the opportunity to say how she feels about it if she wants to - but she may not wish to discuss it.

chelseababy Fri 23-Jun-17 18:45:07

It was her son not grandson I think wildswan. You weren't to know Glenfinnan - its only nayural to congratulate your friend.

Starlady Sun 25-Jun-17 12:49:02

Not your fault, Glenfinnan. She would have found out eventually, anyhow and been just as surprised if he didn't tell her personally.

But what does she have to "worry" about? That her son has finally found someone he wants to spend his life with after "many relationships?" That he may have another child soon, but this time with a woman he wants to marry?

Ok, I'm being a little sarcastic. But really, what is there for her to be concerned about?

Oh, maybe that he basically told "everyone else" but her? Yes, imo, she needs to ask herself about that. What problem is so great between them that he felt he couldn't tell her? Again, NOT your fault.

Glenfinnan Sun 25-Jun-17 19:58:36

Thank you all for your reassurances, I feel much better. My friend has had much to bear with this wayward son.

Jalima1108 Sun 25-Jun-17 20:24:23

Yes, he should have told her first as I assume he knew his mothr wasn't on social media.

Not your fault and I hope he brings his new fiancee to meet his mother soon.

rosesarered Sun 25-Jun-17 20:33:28

Hardly your fault Glenfinnan as anyone would assume the same as you did.
Just one of those things....and if you hadn't been the one to say something, others would.

vickya Mon 26-Jun-17 10:56:53

I am not on my daughters' facebook accounts. They do not want me as fb friend, although I do see them regularly and babysit twice a week for #1 daughter's children after school. A few years ago I was going to a family thing with #2 daughter when she mentioned her sister was engaged. She'd seen it on her facebook. That was the first she or I heard of it!

At some point #1 daughter accepted one of my dogs, who has a fb account, as a friend. I can't recall how the dog asked or why. She has about 200 or 300 friends and I don't think she knows who it is, but I can see news now, and, more important, photos of my 2 year old granddaughter. I operate the account as the dog has trouble using a mouse or keyboard smile. Sadly the dog died in January but the account lingers on.

JanaNana Mon 26-Jun-17 11:04:07

Ideally she would have been one of the first to know. Perhaps he should have told her before sharing his news. However he did"nt and you were"nt to know that she was unaware of this. I think a lot of us may have put our foot in it at some point....quite unwittingly. It does seem a bit unusual that he"s staying with her and posted the news last week and she still did"nt know. I wonder when he would have told her? ....Or if he was just wondering how to tell her with his past relationships not being very successful.

Lilyflower Mon 26-Jun-17 12:34:40

On Saturday my DD, who is on holiday, rang to tell me that the BF had proposed. I was overjoyed but was sworn to secrecy so could not share my terrific news. My DD insisted she tell her grandmother and aunt herself but did not do so until very late in the day. My sister, with whom I share quite poor relations, has now put the engagement on Facebook while I cannot tell a soul. The DD got a cousin to ask her aunt to take the post down. However, I am very upset.

I guess I will have to, as the children say, 'suck it up' but it has made a joyous occasion seem a bit of a trial. By the time I get permission to say anything the gilt will be off the gingerbread.

Jalima1108 Mon 26-Jun-17 12:49:15

It wasn't her news to share!!

grandMattie Mon 26-Jun-17 14:04:19

Absolutely not your fault. I'm sure your friend won't be blaming you, though hurt at her son's behaviour! [hugs]
It is distressing. I remember hearing about my sister's engagement through a mutual friend. I was very hurt - but that was how my sister was with me.

Smileless2012 Mon 26-Jun-17 14:12:14

You've nothing to reproach yourself for Glenfinnan, it was natural for you to assume she already knew. You've already apologised so if it were me, I wouldn't mention it again. I'm sure she'll raise the subject if she wants too.

About 18 months ago, the lady who works for us got very upset when she went on line at work. She'd seen a post from our ES's wife that their second child had been born. We've been estranged for almost 5 years and she knew we wouldn't have been told.

She was in tears and shaking when she told Mr. S. so he, at the time told her not to worry and I 'phoned her and said it was better coming from someone we knew.

SparklyGrandma Mon 26-Jun-17 23:53:59

Vicya - that is hilarious and what a good idea. My condolences on the loss of your pet flowers

grandtanteJE65 Tue 27-Jun-17 11:47:08

My DIL is so annoyed with me for not using facebook which I dislike that she could very well do something similar. So perhaps, Glenfinnan, your friend's son is trying to make a point.
In all other respects I get on well with DIL, so I let her comments on Facebook go in one ear and out the other.
A lot of Facebook users are so used to it that they simply don't think it is necessary to communicate in any other way.

Smileless2012 Tue 27-Jun-17 15:32:57

Why should your d.i.l. be annoyed with you for not using facebook grandtante? I hope Glenfinnan's friend's son's failure to let his mother know about his engagement wasn't because of her lack of interest in social media. Bad enough IMO that she wasn't one of the first to be told.

Luckygirl Tue 27-Jun-17 16:38:56

Oh blimey! - a bit of a faux pas indeed! But very very definitely not your fault in any way and you have nothing to reproach yourself for. Blooming social media! That is why I do not belong to FB or any other site - it seems to cause lots of difficulties.

I am sure that your friend does not blame you in any way - there is no reason why she should. Do nowt I would say.

Glenfinnan Wed 28-Jun-17 19:15:21

Thank you all again! I'm meeting her for coffee tomorrow so hopefully all will be ok