Am I being silly?

You are not selfish at all. I had two cataracts operated & threw away my glasses. The operation is over in minutes & it was a miracle for me. I had a lens put inb that also allows me to read.

I agree with tho others you are not being selfish, the total opposite in fact. My father in law just had cataract done he said it didn't hurt and was over very quickly, I think it's just the thought that it's your eyes that they are messing with but they know what they are doing.Hugs.

I too agonised before my cataract op but reasoned - I won't feel anything (anaesthetic) or see anything (strong light in eye) and so it was. Worst part was a bit of a neck ache. You will be fine.

You are definitely not being selfish. You need to take time for your self and if she does not realize this she is the one being selfish.

Good luck with your operation. Take care of yourself x

I agree with Ingejones and Radiclan. It is very difficult to keep friends if you are depressed and this may be her problem. It cannot be made your problem though. Friendship is a two way street or what is the point. You have become her support worker. You have to think of your own health and consider what you get from the relationship. She may be more prepared to contact Age Concern if she has to do without your help for a while. They are said to be very good on financial problems. If you are going to continue as you are, then it seems to me that you have to get angry with her and ask her why she never asks how you are even when she knew you were about to have an operation. What would you lose if you fell out?
Hooty's idea is a good one too. Ask for the help you would have given her if the situation were reversed and see what happens.

Take some time out for yourself, and leave your selfish so-called friend to her own devices. As for your forthcoming cataract op, it's an absolute doddle. Just chill out and look forward to the significant improvement in your sight which I guarantee will come as a pleasant surprise.

Angie I agree, time to put yourself first. Tell your friend you'll be out of action for a while, so would welcome visits from her and can she bring lunch! See what she says! All the very best for your op.

No, you aren't being selfish. You must look after your own health - you'll never get another pair of eyes will you? So pull back a bit. If she has to be a little less dependent on you she may well find a way to 'help herself' more so that you don't feel drained.

Take care of yourself, and take the opportunity to review this 'friendship'. You have been a good friend to this person, but has she been a good friend to you?

There is an element of reciprocity in friendship - everyone gets something positive out of it, and contributes their time, love etc. Good friends radiate positive vibes into your life.

Then there are the drains. Those people who sit in the middle of a bunch of harried people, expecting their bills to be paid and their every whim catered to and draining the life and energy and money out of their surroundings. I am afraid that your friend sounds like a parasite, taking wherever she can and giving nothing in return.

It might be better to recover from your operation over a longer period than two weeks, and use the time to cut loose. If, after a month or so, you are more relaxed and your life is better without this person, then that is a big clue.

My DH, who helps and supports lots of people has a policy that never to make a routine of going to the same day and doing the same thing as it makes people dependant on you and like your friend take you for granted plus the commitment can make you stressed and resentful..

Best wishes for a speedy recovery and hope improved eyesight will make life easier. I would suggest you continue visiting your friend but vary the days and what you do together so she becomes aware you have a life of your own and it might help her make some contribution and value your friendship.

I've always found that people are givers or takers and the takers don't give. You are a giver and have been very kind despite your own health problems - now's the time to take a break and look after yourself.

Good luck with the op Angie . Do try and relax, your friend is giving you so much stress - maybe that's why her daughter lives abroad. Friendship is two-way and you seem to be doing all the running around. I had a friend who was always complaining that she had no money and then it came out that she saved every penny - she didn't like spending her money!!

Some people just get used to a format for visitors and it seems as if you and your friend, have got into a bit of a rut, rather than friendship you are more like her support worker now. I would make the most of the break to cosset yourself and then, if the friendship is worth it to you, chage the nature of the visits. Can you suggest going out for a change?

If ou have been going there for a while listening (excellent quality in a friend) she might have just got into the habit of off loading and not listening to your news. I thik older people can get a bit like that if they don't see many visitors and have little new to talk about.

I would steer her towards CAB or similar for her money worries and just say something along the lines of. 'you need an expert on this and that isn't me' and then try to engage her in othe things.

I am sure your operation will be just fine, I know several friends who have had this done and say how simple it was and that the thought of it was worse than the reality.

I wish you a speedy recovery and please let us know how it all went.

Good luck for tomorrow Angie. Accept the sedative and it will all be done in a minute. You will need to rest post op so do not rush back to visit your friend and see perhaps if she visits you instead. ....

Maybe she has depression (sounds like she's not happy, definitely). Depression can make you very self-centred, through no fault of one's own. I know you've been making all the effort so far, but can you make just one more bit to find out if she needs to see her doctor about her state of mind? With the right treatment, she might become a wonderful caring friend!

All the best for Monday Angie - when you come out you will wonder what you were worrying about!!!
One word of warning - you will be able to see dust and also smears on your windows!!!
Don't worry about your friend - she will survive and you need some 'Me Time'

angie, you're a truly great friend, and this lady is very lucky to have you. All the very best for Monday, and make sure you spend the next few weeks putting yourself first for a change.

Hope all goes well for you on Monday

Wishing you a speedy recovery !

Ladies, thank you so much for your kind words. I feel so much better now, that I have spoken to you, my hubby doesn't really understand. I am going to take a breather of two weeks, I need to, for my health. I have told her about CAB, etc, but she seems to think that they will give her money for all her bills. I will let you know how I get on after the eye op. Bless you all. Xxx. Have a super weekend xx

You'll be pleasantly surprised at how easy the op is. You may be offered a mild sedative if you're nervous. Take it and relax. I bet you won't need one if you have the second one done as you'll know how straightforward and totally painless it is.
However you should rest up for a while. Use this as an excuse/reason to say you need to look after yourself. That may just elicit an offer of help from your friend!
And don't worry about the op!!

Some people are just not very socially aware Angie or it could be that your friend has fallen into a self pitying tar pit.
Or has always been selfish.
However, make her aware of your troubles too.Friends should comfort each other, if it's a one way street....are you allowing it to be so?
Good luck with your eye op next week.

Please don't worry too much about the cataract op. It will be over before you realise and will make a great difference to your sight.

Take care of yourself, even if it means telling your friend you can't help her for a week or two.

I hope you said that it's your turn to bring round lunch. Hope all goes well.

I can only agree with others, angie, look after yourself or you really can't care for others. All good wishes for your cataract operation, please try not to worry.

You are the most important person here. Look after yourself . I have been in the same trap. I have learned better.