To worry about dying alone

This has certainly turned out to be an emotive topic, with lots of useful ideas and options, several of which I for one, will certainly look into.
So many of us live alone now, it's something we all need to be aware of.
Annesixty: You are the kind of caring person anyone would consider a privilege to have as a friend.
A neighbour and my landlord do have spare keys to my house and I make sure the key is out of the door at night.
It seems I am not the only one with this fear, so hopefully some of the suggestions will help those who worry about getting ill or dying alone. Thank you once again

I do not want to frighten people but another reason why one should not leave keys in a door at night is that burglars can put a wire through the letter box and tease the key out of the lock and use it to enter the house.

Also place the keys where they could be reached especially if one is lying on the floor. I had left mine on the mantelpiece and having dislocated as well as broken my ankle, could not reach them and naturally I could not find anything long enough to swipe them on to the floor for ages.

When I did I managed to crawl towards the front door and popped the keys through the cat flap for the ambulance men, I would not have managed the letter box.

Just to say thank you to everyone on here and in PM's.
I am a tough old bird but appreciate all the very kind thoughts.

lovebooks Reading your post I was taken back to the sad news we received when my DH's brother decided he had had enough. He lived alone in a remote area. He planned his exit carefully and sent a letter to the local police station to arrive the next day, saying what he planned and where the key was hidden for access to his property.

Then he killed himself. The police got his letter and came next day and found him together with a list of who to contact etc.

It was a shock for those of us left but he had made a difficult situation as easy as he could and we were grateful for that.

Hello girls
great ideas !i know i must get used to living alone -its terrifying at night especially as i have health issues -going to put some of your ideas to use
thank you

If you live alone it must be a worry, if your family is not nearby either. I haven't thought about to be honest, but we dont have that choice sadly.
If you have a good neighbour ask if they would have a key.
Maybe you could do it for them too.

,Gagagranthats so very sad .my heart goes out to his family .loneliness can kill thats true .i can imagine how alone he felt

Our local council fitted a community alarm to my inlaw's home. It had buttons you could push. My FIL's dementia was so bad, he ripped it out the wall the night it was installed as he couldn't stand the tiny flashing light! Obviously he had no memory of this. Once he died, we had it reinstated for my MIL. It also had a cord you wore around your neck - she refused to wear it! Then after she finally agreed to it would fall getting out of bed when she didn't have it on - in case it choked her. These systems work, if you use them right!
My parents have lived in their home for over 50 years and a few of the neighbours have keys to each other's homes - it works!

My lovely godmother was found on her kitchen floor by the police, when the family could get no answer to the daily phone call. She appeared to have mistaken a heart attack for indigestion and had gone down for Rennie's, let the dog into the garden then died. Very sad and a shock for the family, but independent to the last in her lovely home and not hanging on miserably in care. I know which I would prefer.
On the other tack, about taking care, my very active friend and I, barely 60, are on our own during the day and comment that a simple fall on the stairs etc could be catastrophic. We tend to leave a door unlocked and carry phones.

I was told by the ambulance men to leave the keys in the door when it was locked, as then they could get in without breaking the lock!

A few years ago a teaching colleague in his 50's who lived alone was found dead in his armchair when neighbours became suspicious at not seeing anybody going in or out. .
The irony was that he was an extremely sociable man, had had invitations to two family/friends' weddings AND the football season had just started and he was an Arsenal season ticket holder.
Each group assumed he was at one of the other events when he failed to show up.
He was found with the TV on and a half empty whisky glass on the table beside him so we like to think it was as good a way to go as any, but dreadful for the poor neighbour's who found him after several days.

When my mother took her own life she left a note, giving my phone number and asking her milkman to give me a call saying to go round immediately.

If I were on my own I would certainly have a key safe fitted and get myself a new mobile phone with appropriate numbers factored in, to be carried at all times! The thought of my dog being locked in if I suddenly died would be of enormous concern, much more than dying alone! Luckily we have got family fairly close and a lovely village shop where I know my key number would be safe. At the moment DH and I have each other, but when we don't!!

To say that must have been awful for you Anya would be an understatement.

I'm a solo survivor as well. I have phones by my bed, kitchen and in my lounge. I have an alarm pendant round my neck that is linked to my burglar alarm and the police! I also have key safe.
Don't worry if I'm not posting, I'm probably either sorting my pearls or on a cruise ( wearing aforementioned pearls )

That kettle idea seems good, if it works OK. If I lived alone I'd be worried, not for me but my cats.... I wouldn't want them suffering. I have no cat door, and live in a remote area. I've never thought of it before.

I have nice neighbors but they can't see my curtains. My son lives miles away and I don't hear from him on a regular basis. However the kettle alert would enable him to contact my neighbors, who have a key.

It's one of those things you don't really want to consider, like funeral plans etc. If ever on my own I'll sort something out.... Although I'll probably not have that problem being older.

I've apologised to Ann, I'm sorry if I upset any of you too.

I'm taking a break for a while, I do think all of the last few months has caught up with me and I'm feeling pretty emotional about it all.

It tends to hit you pretty hard eventually when a specialist doctor tells you you could have dropped dead at any time in the last four years. Plus I'm still feeling really shit after it all. I have tried to put a brace face on, laughing and joking but no, I feel really awful, both emotionally and physically. My legs are still sore and tender, my back is in pain every minute, my shoulders hurt, my wound is sore, my stomach is still bruised, I still have water retention and I still get out of breath because after four years I now have lung damage too. I've tried on here to play it down at times.

I can't deal with all this, I need some space. The last few years have been overwhelming and is now causing repercussions. My son's here now. Take care everyone.

I would be on a short fuse if I had all that to put up with Rubylady.

Best wishes

Probably for the best Ruby , time to withdraw, relax and recoup.

Good luck.

and best wishes to both of you, ruby and ann.

There are some good tips on here for anyone living alone. It's been a useful and informative thread.

The only thing I can think of is to text someone each day to say that you're all right and if one isn't received then to phone them to be sure.
When I was on chemo my sister rang me and got no answer so she got into a bit of a panic - the mobile was downstairs 'on charge' and I can't hear the landline if I'm upstairs. I try to have the mobile with me at all times but there are moments when that isn't the case. It's a tricky one. As we get older and our eyesight may fail, will we be able to see properly to send a text? Will arthritic fingers make it difficult to do this? Will we lose our marbles and forget what a mobile is?
MIL had one of those call systems round her neck but with every fall (at least three, maybe more) she 'forgot' all about it and was instead found by carers at the next visit.

I have two phones, one in my bedroom and one in the living room. I live in a bungalow, so one can be heard from wherever I am.

The key safe is a good idea but take heed of what HazelGreen said about it being in a discreet location. It can advertise that there's someone vulnerable in the house. When the social services fitted one for my Mum they put it in full view - she had a string of cold-callers, door-to-door sellers and someone asking to use her phone - DH moved it to a place it couldn't be seen & the calls stopped.