.. to feel uncomfortable bout this book loan ..

Thanks Norah

devongirl, is it bad to be a prude? Does it take from anyone else? Do prudes dislike rap music with misogynistic lyrics? Do prudes dislike talk of anal sex? Do prudes prefer clothing to cover rather than sexualize a body? Do prudes eschew sexist rants? Do prudes want their DDs not reading explicit sex scenes in a book loaned by their mum's friend? I'd be a prude as well, and quite pleased to report prudish behavior serves me well.

Literary critics have labeled Michel Houellebecq's novels "vulgar", "pamphlet literature" and "pornography"; he has been accused of obscenity, racism, misogyny and Islamophobia. Wikipedia

Last year one of my bookclub members chose 'Submission' written by this author. I hate everything about this man - he is just awful. I was loathe to spend hard-earned money on buying it and did so very reluctantly, not wanting to put a penny in his pocket.

True to apparent form the book was peppered with vulgarities & references to anal sex.

However, I have to admit that the book was so well-written, politically astute and observant, and from a literary point of view would have to recommend it as a very good read.

Guardian review

I think the OP should give her partner the benefit of the doubt.

'Discombobulated ' in the words of Muhamed Ali what ever that is I'm it, Go with your gut feeling & bring it out in the open tell your daughter you feel uncomfortable about him lending the book to her , then ask how she feels about it , but keep it lighthearted . She may say don't be silly it's fine or she may say, ugh yes you are right .

TBH I'm not looking forward to his visit tomorrow as it doeas disturb me that he doesn't appear to relate at all to my feeling that it is inappropriate. To me it is quite a big issue, I think I shall just have to say I don't want him to lend her anything with explicit sexual content - which makes me sound ridiculously prudish (which I don't think I am except in this context). I feel quite discombobulated now !

And, if you all discuss the book having read it, no one will mention the sex scene so it will be a bit of an 'elephant in the room' situation.

Thanks Tegan2, you've got the point, and the general feeling I have in your previous post.

Frankly all this talk of 'censorship' is ridiculous, this was never part of the issue.

As Gayliamelon1 siad, I'm surprised (given the almost fatherly relationship) that he didn't think it inappropriate or at least questionable, maybe it's because he has no children of his own.

As regards DD, as I have said I have no interest in censoring her reading, I didn't wasnt her to feel uncomfortable in her relationship with him, that's all.

I don't think the OP has a problem with her DD reading the book or wants to censor her reading of it; she's just uncomfortable with the means by which she received the book ie via herself and her partner.

I do not believe in censorship.... any censorship once people pass the age of 12/14 , depending on person.Read ..discuss...and move on. Protection should come from parents ,yes, but people should read everything they can on a wide range of subjects. How can you talk about or criticise a book if you haven't read it. Most Christians I know haven't even opened the book.... I've read it three times at least... thankfully it's made me an Atheist. Good and enlightenment can come from any direction... let this woman make her own mind up.

I suspect it feels the same as if a rather explicit piece of television comes on and your grandchild or younger child is sitting with you.

It feels uncomfortable. Sex is something that I think should be a closed book between the generations. I wouldn't dream of talking about my DCs sex life and vice versa. Unless of course they come to you in trouble of some sort - that is different.

Mothering Sunday by Graham Swift.

What is the book?

OP - had you not been 'between books' OH would have lent the book to DD with you none the wiser. Do you not trust his judgement about DD's reading tastes?
DD, at 24, might well be very annoyed that her DM wants to censor what she reads, she's an adult! I'm afraid my answer to your original question is YES.
As the author wrote the excellent Last Orders I look forward to reading Mothering Sunday and passing it on to any adult I choose.

women who aren't his partner

I will rephrase the last bit of my post.
I'd say there's the issue of respect in general to women who his partner t (i.e. they're not you). Also most men who are in a paternal role don't ever want to think about their female charges being connected with any kind of sex and definitely not sexual recommendations from them, albeit just a book. Perhaps your thoughts are that he should feel uncomfortable, as you do and he should share your values . Has it surprised you that he thinks this sharing of graphic description appropriate?

I'd feel uncomfortable about it and am trying to work out in my head why. It's a bit like a book version of the sort of TV programme that you really don't want to watch with your children, even though you're comfortable with them actually watching it. Perhaps it's because reading a book is a quite intimate sort of thing; ie the book becomes part of oneself (does that make sense?)....

Is it that your OH has been seen in more of a parental role over the years and usually Fathers/ Grandfathers are meant to shy away from thinking that the girls in the family know about sex, let alone enjoy having it. My husband is in his fifties , we have sons and he is very careful around our daughters in law . Just as he is around any women of any age. I'd say there's the issue of respect to women who aren't ypur OHs partner in general and also most men who are in the paternal role don't go even want to think about their female charges and anything to do with sex, albeit just a book.

I was 19 when I read Lady Chatterley ' s lover. Beautiful book. At 24 she is an adult. Treat her as one.....

With a degree in English Literature, your adult daughter has probably read many raunchy novels or perhaps not, but whatever.....that is totally irrelevant!

It appears the problem is not the book per se, but that your 66 year old 'man' of the cloth, read a book with patently 'titilating' sexy material and would now like your 24 year old daughter to read it too.

The fact that he knew your daughter as a toddler doesn't mitigate anything. It only adds an extra helping of 'ick' factor to his current proclivity. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I prefer to err on the side of caution. As I indicated previously, if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't!

Graham Swift is a good writer ( Last Orders) and he is not simply a writer who routinely includes rumpy-pumpy as say, Jilly Cooper.
If it makes you uncomfortable say so to OH ( well, you did already!) he should understand that.It doesn't seem a big thing to me either way, so why should it to him?

devongirl, you can't say it's not the content of the book, it's the situation. That can only mean that you do not approve of your OH recommending books to your DD. Would you object if the book was Pride and Prejudice or Jude the Obscure? Hence my question about the Song of Solomon.

The situation makes you uncomfortable. Fair enough, but would it make DD uncomfortable?

Oh dear, perhaps I shouldn't be recommending the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo to my children but I really enjoyed the books sadistic sex and all. Still they are in their 40s and used to me by now

I have written two books I sent the drafts to a family friend who is a sub editor to check and grammatical highlight for me. My daughter who is a journalist with two decrees to her name has offered to help however due to the content of the stories I feel they are best not sent to my daughter who is 40 years of age.

It's a book for goodness sake. There are many books in any library with more salacious contents for any member to take out. Surely you've passed on from what was a prudish approach to Lady Chatterly's Lover et al.

I am interested to know the title of the book.
Don't worry about her reading this sort of material, she probably has already that you are not aware of.