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.. to feel uncomfortable bout this book loan ..

(177 Posts)
devongirl Wed 16-Aug-17 15:19:14

Hi GNers,

I don't know where to go with this but it is really unsettling me so hoping for pearls of wisdom!

My GD is 24; my current OH has known her since she was a toddler, we've been in a relationship on/off for years, he is now 66.

We both belong to book clubs and frequently swap books; DD has a degree in EngLit so also v interested in books. Recently he had with him a book he was intending to lend to her, but as I was between books he lent it to me first.

Thing is, it's a beautifully written novella - no problem there; but the first quarter contains a long explicit and intimate (physically and emotionally) description of a sexual encounter.

When I read it, I was horrified at the idea of him (66-year-old man) lending this to my 24-year-old DD to read.

Am I being a prude? I can't begin to describe how completely inappropriate that would have been IMO.

Can GNers see where I'm coming from? and what do you think?

gillybob Wed 16-Aug-17 15:29:23

Well my first thought was "yuk" devongirl but then I thought about it a bit more....

If your OH was happy for you to read it first, he couldn't have thought there was anything untoward about it could he?
If you DD is the literary type she will be used to all kinds of writing won't she so probably not phased at all by descriptions of explicit sexual encounters and at 24 she is a grown woman after all (not as though she's 17).

My DH doesn't read (unless you count engineering manuals) so can't compare in (my) real life I'm afraid.

If you feel uncomfortable maybe you should tell your OH that you don't think it was an appropriate book to lend out? I'm not sure.

gillybob Wed 16-Aug-17 15:30:02

P.S I'm looking for a good book to read if you feel like passing on the title. wink

grannysue05 Wed 16-Aug-17 15:30:03

I can understand your thoughts on this, but your GD is 24 not 14, and also has an English Literature degree.
She will have read everything going by now, and will not be shocked in the way you may imagine.
Just because your OH is 66 years old and is in fact like a grandfather to her, will not make your GD think of him any differently.
Just lend her the book and let her enjoy what you describe as a beautifully written novella.

pensionpat Wed 16-Aug-17 15:33:18

I lent a really good book to my male boss once, forgetting a particular steamy scene. It gave me a moments discomfort when I remembered, but then saw the funny side. We did discuss the book but not that scene.

Luckygirl Wed 16-Aug-17 15:33:28

Can't see any problem myself.

Smithy Wed 16-Aug-17 15:35:06

Quite a difficult one Devongirl! My first thought was I'm sure she's read similar things before but your other half is not related to her. I don't think you're being prude I'd be tempted not to pass it on perhaps say you've lent it out to a friend and discreetly ''lose'' it.

Eloethan Wed 16-Aug-17 15:39:17

I would feel a bit awkward about it too - though I accept that perhaps that's the product of having fairly inhibited (though not narrow minded) parents.

Christinefrance Wed 16-Aug-17 15:39:47

I agree with grannysue you cannot censor your adult daughter's reading material.

devongirl Wed 16-Aug-17 15:46:35

I agree that there is no reason that she should not read the book especially with a Lit degree, that wasn't really the point.

It's more that it had come from him and contained very intimate stuff that I just don't feel comfortable with her reading that from a man who is (a) so much older than her and (b) is a family friend. It does make me feel yuk.

I'm sure it sounds a bit extreme but I don't want her to feel uncomfortable with him, either.

ninathenana Wed 16-Aug-17 15:47:45

If it was me I would say "Just to warn you it's a bit steamy in places but I've read it and it's a well written book" in a light hearted way, therefore leaving it up to her, which is as it should be at her age.
I don't think the fact that it's your OH offering it to her is relevant personally but were all different.

devongirl Wed 16-Aug-17 15:49:28

I should have said, DD is living at home at present and OH visits every Saturday

Oldwoman70 Wed 16-Aug-17 15:56:19

Does she need to know it is coming from him? Can't you say you have read a book you think she may like, it does have some steamy sections and would she like it. Then leave it up to her. Is he likely to question her about the book after she has read it?

devongirl Wed 16-Aug-17 16:01:25

I should also add that he's 'a man of the cloth'

NanaandGrampy Wed 16-Aug-17 16:15:09

It's a book not a proposition.

She could as easily get the same book from the shelf of the library or in a charity shop. I agree with Nina on how to broach it but I wouldn't be worried in the least .

devongirl Wed 16-Aug-17 16:17:38

Sorry but obviusly I haven't made myself clear - I would not be in the slightest borhtered by her getting the book form a library, a shop, online, whatever!

mcem Wed 16-Aug-17 16:21:16

Good grief. Some highly respected authors have written explicit stuff. DH Lawrence, Anaıs Nin, Roald Dahl. She's 24 !! No-one should censor her reading matter.

devongirl Wed 16-Aug-17 16:22:55

I'm not trying to censor her reading matter!!!!

I reiterate she is perfectly free to read this book, I have no problem with that.

mcem Wed 16-Aug-17 16:23:20

Ps. A friend is a respected church elder and uni lecturer whose favourite reading includes Robert Burns' bawdiest!

rosesarered Wed 16-Aug-17 16:26:51

Is it your DD or your DGD?
If your DD then don't worry about it, but it would seem a bit off to give tge book to a DGD I think.

Lona Wed 16-Aug-17 16:28:32

Yes, I think YABU.
Do you have doubts about your OH?

eddiecat78 Wed 16-Aug-17 16:30:02

Something is obviously making you feel uneasy about this - I`m just wondering if anything else has happened which has sounded some alarm bells with you.

devongirl Wed 16-Aug-17 16:51:29

I'm not sure what it is, TBH. I definitely feel v. uncomfortable. It feels altogether too personal, not just sex.

JackyB Wed 16-Aug-17 17:39:33

Does he make a habit of lending books to her or is this a one-off?

JackyB Wed 16-Aug-17 17:41:18

Sorry, you do say you frequently swap books, but I'm not clear whether there is regular book swapping between the two of them.