Last moments

Sorry - that should have read "diseases other than cancer"

I found out too late that some Hospices care for the dying who have diseases over than cancer. If I had known and if I had not been so exhausted dealing with nastiness and stupidity I would have insisted on a Hospice. I know now and I will make very sure that my relatives know. I am traumatised by things that happened in NHS hospitals.

Well yes Ofcourse I they have space but at least stating it as a preference makes it a clear consideration for oneself or those supporting you if the time comes! In my fairly wide experience of hospices I have not personally encountered an issue re transfer from NHS ...frees up a bed!!

And if the NHS are willing to arrange for the patient to be moved to a Hospice.

That's if there is a space at a hospice, of course.

Going to a hospice guarantees that care. Advanced care plans enable one to state that as a preference ...if there is a need.

One of our DDs is married to a consultant anaesthetist. He says he's hopeless at DIY but he's the one to save your life. After (yet another) visit of ours when DH has done several little jobs he said how grateful he is and he can't reciprocate. I quickly said a painfree death would be great thanks. He and DD looked at me a bit strange. . . .

I wonder how you can be sure of having "compassionate and caring nurses". I have seen some absolute horrors wearing nurses uniforms. I would hope for a sudden and unexpected death.

I was with my mum holding her hand and stroking her hair and talking to her when she died on 17 August. I don't know if it comforted her but it comforts me now.

Passing, passed, passed over....Americanisms. Bah!

If possible I would like someone who cares, with me holding my hand.

grannyticktock Ofcourse one could get run over etc etc!! But advanced care plans are an excellent way of creating conversations with those you care about to help them to know your wishes at what is a very traumatic time for them!

grannyticktock Ofcourse one could get run over etc etc!! But advanced care plans are an excellent way of creating conversations with those you care about to help them to know your wishes at what is a very traumatic time for them!

I was with my husband when he died, along with daughter 2 and her husband, daughter 3, both sons and their wives, and one of my husbands older brothers and his partner. I don`t know whether he knew that we were there, but I think that`s how he would have wanted it to be.

I would like someone kind holding my hand. It doesn't matter too much who it is, as long as they genuinely care for that little while.

There's also "passed over", which has slightly spooky overtones of spiritualism.

That is very sad miep. Life isnt always easy is it. Take care of yourself.

Maybe I'll have my best friend there. Maybe not - she's 12 years older than me - if that's the case I suppose there won't be anyone, my children disowned me and refer to me as dead already! Hope I'm too out of it to care. Don't want a funeral, don't care what happens to me after I'm dead.

If I have any choice in the matter, I definitely want my sons with me and holding my hand. They have been the only really good thing in my life, - plus my grandchildren.

I agree about the term 'passed' it use to be passed on or passed away,which I think sound not too bad, but just saying 'passed' sounds so incomplete & sort of annoying & a bit disrespectful, although it conjers up a funny image in my mind of Les Dawson in his curlers , wringing his hands & saying in a whisper with curled lips saying ' she' s 'passed' you know?

Re the it's your funeral comment - I don't think funerals are for the person who has died - they are for the ones who are still alive and who loved and cared about the person who has died and should take the format that would most comfort those that are bereaved. I personally don't think I've got any right at all to dictate what I want at my funeral. Equally, I don't feel I've got the right to exclude anyone from my deathbed if they want to be there and it was feasible. Often of course it doesn't work like that but I couldn't imagine telling people to go away if they wanted to be there with me.

I thought that dying surrounded by family and friends only happened in films.Unless you happen to be a Sicilian Mafioso boss.
However it will happen, it will happen, and I don't think we will get much choice in it.It doesn't worry me.

Oh yes, I do agree about "passed". Passed what: your driving test?
It makes sense to me to speak of the actual moment of death as a "passing", but not to say someone has "passed" as a long-term - well, let's admit it, permanent - status.
I am in the process of rewriting my will at the moment, and intend to support this with some informal documentation for the family. I think I will include a promise to come back and haunt them if they refuse to say I am dead but describe me as having "passed".

Not thought much about it other than the music I want coming out of the funeral is 'Move It' by Cliff. They can then move it down to the pub and have a good time laughing at the silly things I said/did.

MOnica - absolutely howling here at your post!

I feel exactly the same about 'passing'. I intend to die and want no silly euphemisms used when or if my demise is discussed.

I shall leave strict instructions about that too