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AIBU

Last moments

(119 Posts)
Blodwen1910 Sat 02-Sep-17 20:41:10

AIBU in not wanting my obituary to read:- "she died surrounded by her family and friends"? What I want is for my final moments to be in the hands of compassionate nurses, this after having seen my loved ones leave my bedside for the last time.

aggie Sat 02-Sep-17 20:45:02

If only it were in your hands ! Unless you are sadly on your death bed at the moment ?

DameJudyClench Sat 02-Sep-17 20:46:24

There's nothing wrong with expecting your last wishes to be respected. You need to make it absolutely clear to your loved ones, that this is what you want.

I've already picked out my funeral music. Something classical followed by a Metallica song. My kids were horrified, but not surprised. Your funeral, your rules.

SueDonim Sat 02-Sep-17 20:56:03

Apparently, people don't die nowadays. I read the obituary this week of an elderly woman who had seemingly 'transitioned'! confused

whitewave Sat 02-Sep-17 20:59:06

He Brexited grin

DameJudyClench Sat 02-Sep-17 21:00:43

She changed sex on her deathbed?

norose4 Sat 02-Sep-17 21:35:56

Alas we don't usually know when our final moments will be, but if you are in a position to know, then I don't think you are being unreasonable, but let's hope for you that that's along way off😄

SueDonim Sat 02-Sep-17 21:56:26

Possibly, DameJudyClench. It would certainly make for an exciting death!

norose4 Sat 02-Sep-17 22:12:05

Sex changes & transitioning? brings a whole new meaning to dying 😄

grannyticktock Sat 02-Sep-17 22:36:19

I think you probably can't know how you'd feel until you get there .... and of course it's the one human experience that we never get any feedback on, so we don't get the benefit of anyone's reflections. You may find you are very glad of the presence of someone you know and love.

Also, the people who love you may want to be with you during those final moments. It is a huge thing, witnessing someone's last breath and the stillness that follows it, and it can help the bereaved come to terms with the reality of what's happened.

In many cases, this isn't an option or a possibility anyway. Some people drop dead almost instantly, or die in their sleep, or in a traffic accident. There isn't always the opportunity to decide who'll be in the cast list for your final scene before the curtain falls.

Luckylegs9 Sun 03-Sep-17 08:28:59

You can't plan for everything, no one knows how or when we die. As long as you leave a loving family that will carry on, that's what matters. People surrounded but people, usually wait until there's no one there to slip away, this is what nurses told me.

M0nica Sun 03-Sep-17 16:20:34

More to the point nobody dies anymore. They pass away. I have warned my children that if they ever refer to me as passing away, or worse still, passing, somehow from some other place I will rewrite my will and leave all I possess to a cats home.

Serkeen Sun 03-Sep-17 16:50:12

Bit morbid Blodwen1910 you should be thinking of all the lovely years you have left and all the wonderful things you will be doing

But fair enough you wish to speak about this

I would like mine to say she was caring and tried her best smile

kittylester Sun 03-Sep-17 17:31:04

I would like someone holding my hand at the very least.

lilypollen Sun 03-Sep-17 17:33:55

An amusing picture popped up on FB. 'When I'm old I don't want people thinking "what a sweet old lady" I want them saying "Oh carp, what's she up to now?"

Starlady Sun 03-Sep-17 18:02:38

Not "unreasonable" in my book, Blodwen. Imo, you have a right to want/wish for whatever you like, regarding your last moments or anything else. Whether or not that's how it will be is another story, of course. If you can let your loved ones know before that unhappy time comes, then, hopefully, they'll honor your wishes. But as others have said, we don't always know when death is coming, unfortunately.

Luckygirl Sun 03-Sep-17 18:49:11

....or fortunately......

Madgran77 Sun 03-Sep-17 18:57:56

You can write an Advanced Care Plan stating such wishes ...templates available on line

grannyticktock Sun 03-Sep-17 20:28:05

You can write whatever you like, but that still won't stop you collapsing in the street with a fatal heart attack; and if someone who loves you dashes to your bedside to be with you for your final moments, I don't think any documentation is going to dissuade them.

Day6 Sun 03-Sep-17 21:02:39

MOnica - absolutely howling here at your post! grin

I feel exactly the same about 'passing'. I intend to die and want no silly euphemisms used when or if my demise is discussed.

I shall leave strict instructions about that too wink

Thebeeb Sun 03-Sep-17 21:09:31

Not thought much about it other than the music I want coming out of the funeral is 'Move It' by Cliff. They can then move it down to the pub and have a good time laughing at the silly things I said/did.

grannyticktock Sun 03-Sep-17 22:29:41

Oh yes, I do agree about "passed". Passed what: your driving test?
It makes sense to me to speak of the actual moment of death as a "passing", but not to say someone has "passed" as a long-term - well, let's admit it, permanent - status.
I am in the process of rewriting my will at the moment, and intend to support this with some informal documentation for the family. I think I will include a promise to come back and haunt them if they refuse to say I am dead but describe me as having "passed".

lemongrove Sun 03-Sep-17 22:44:14

I thought that dying surrounded by family and friends only happened in films.Unless you happen to be a Sicilian Mafioso boss.
However it will happen, it will happen, and I don't think we will get much choice in it.It doesn't worry me.

maryeliza54 Sun 03-Sep-17 22:56:09

Re the it's your funeral comment - I don't think funerals are for the person who has died - they are for the ones who are still alive and who loved and cared about the person who has died and should take the format that would most comfort those that are bereaved. I personally don't think I've got any right at all to dictate what I want at my funeral. Equally, I don't feel I've got the right to exclude anyone from my deathbed if they want to be there and it was feasible. Often of course it doesn't work like that but I couldn't imagine telling people to go away if they wanted to be there with me.

norose4 Mon 04-Sep-17 09:18:35

I agree about the term 'passed' it use to be passed on or passed away,which I think sound not too bad, but just saying 'passed' sounds so incomplete & sort of annoying & a bit disrespectful, although it conjers up a funny image in my mind of Les Dawson in his curlers , wringing his hands & saying in a whisper with curled lips saying ' she' s 'passed' you know😄