Last moments

It is possible to have both. If you are dying you can have palliative care nurses look after you in hospital or at home if it is feasable. Your family may also be in attendance if they so wish. It can give relatives much comfort if they are there with their loved one until the person passes.

That should have said "a couple of years ago". I would also add that my dad was 84 when he died and I was 79 when I had my by-pass,

My father died in the middle of the night at the Royal Marsden, before he was due to have an operation for throat cancer in the morning. I admit I was relieved, as he had been living with me and as I invariably go to bed late I would always have felt that if I had gone into see him I might have been able to do something.

I was in hospital waiting for a heart operation a couple of years, and two days before I was due to have it I was taken to theatre for an emergency triple by-pass. As I was wheeled down the corridor I saw most of my family lined up as the hospital had let them know. This was at 11pm on a Saturday night and the hospital had got a full team together. When he had finished with me, after over 3 hours, the surgeon took the time to see my family and let hem know that things had gone well. I will always be grateful to the heart department at Basildon Hospital as the care I received was superb.

sugar sorry to hear about the problems re raising issues.

Who on earth invented the expression 'gone over the rainbow bridge' for when a pet dies? Yuk doesn't even begin to express how I feel about that phrase!

Madgran77 - I went through the complaints procedures first of all and it was a case of a great cover up. I am now looking at complaining about the nurses directly to the Nursing and Midwifery Council. The Inquiry and Inquest will go along the normal legal routes and no doubt will take as long as the NHS can drag it out for. I hope that we will not hear the phrase "Lessons will be learned". That just irritates. Actions and dismissals should be the outcome of such dreadful conduct at the worst times in people's lives, those who are at the end of their lives and those who are about to lose the people they value most. Even the worst gangsters in the roughest of cities had more decency thanto pick of the weakest of people.
SPF

I had an aneurysm last year that could have resulted in me not being here to contribute. I have given my DCs instructions about my funeral. Despite me being a Sunday School teacher for 20 years, I don't want any hymns. I want 'I've had the time of my life' from Dirty Dancing, 'Champagne Supernova' by Oasis and 'In The End' by The Black Veil Brides. Everything else they can choose.

Love it ,Illtellhim?

According to a genealogy website, I passed away over 35 years ago before my children were born! I sent a message to the webmaster saying "News of my demise are somewhat exaggerated!"

I have had or observed both good and bad/appalling experiences in NHS hospitals. I have only ever witnessed superb care and understanding in hospices. I'm shocked by the experiences of some as described on here. All places have a complaints procedure...how did these work for people?

Society changes, life changes well I suppose everything changes, so maybe our view of death should change.

My lot always knew I was a control freak but when I told them what I wanted for my funeral they said it was confirmed!

I seen a picture joke recently of a man at the pearly gates. St Peter wss telling him that "people dont die now. They are merely uplifted to the cloud"

Both my husband and I have requested that our bodies are given to science (assuming that there would be anything scientific worth using our bodies for), so hopefully the family won't have any need to hold a funeral. If our bodies are refused then we've said to just get rid of us as cheaply as possible, there are better things to spend their hard earned money on. My only concern is how I leave this earth, painfree, quickly and while asleep would be perfect!

I'm sorry some people have had bad experiences in hospitals. We've pretty much had good experiences and in fact mostly excellent experiences.

When things go wrong, though, I suspect that very often it is the attitude at the top that is responsible. It's the captain of the ship, if you like, who sets the tone for the general atmosphere, and multiple poor experiences probably indicate severe failings at the top. They're the ones who should really be the target of people's ire.

CrazyDaisy - Thank you for your kind and understanding words. I think they must have been annoyed with me for being right so many times. It was a terrible time but all my older people are no longer in need of any NHS hospital and or staff. I am glad for them. What I saw was not always aimed at me or mine I watched what happened to other patients too and it was awful. Patients are often scared to say anything and it worrried my relative what they would do to them when I or other members of the family were not present. It may be a joke but actually think people would be better off in the prisons.

In defence of nurses in NHS hospitals. My brother has been in and out of hospital in the U.K. many times and I've never heard him complain about the nurses' attitudes.

A couple of weeks ago, when I was visiting him from N.Z. he was admitted to hospital, in the middle of the night, with heart problems. From the paramedic, ambulance drivers, and nurses in the hospital, I saw only compassion, kindness, and good senses of humour.

It seems so sad Sugarpufffairy, that so many bad experiences have overwhelmed the good. My heart goes out to you.

I like radicalnans term...a click and collect funeral. I hate funerals and direct cremation seems best to me, but my OH is more of a traditionalist. We both agree that funerals are for those who are left behind, but this leads to a bit of a conundrum.
If I were to be the one left, should I arrange the minimal arrangements I favour, knowing it's not what he thought right? and vice versa.
The only song that appeals to me for the occasion is Jake Thackrays "last will and testament" remember that?

We have seen the attitude of a retired nurse. Seems a bit of picking a fight. There is a right fight going on now. Much of what I said was witnessed by my dcs. They never once arrived in uniform. Pick out yourself what uniform they wear. I never once arrived in my gown. I wonder what my occupation was. They didnt even have the brains to check what they were dealing with first.
There has been something on Facebook about a nurse being arrested because she refused to take blood from someone unconscious. This was done to a man on a ward where my relative was.
The young person who died- I have known the family for 45 - 50 years. They picked on 2 families without knowing the families knew each other.
Suspicious or what?
It is not what the public expect of the NHS and/or staff. Porters have always without fail been excellent.

I heard an interview on the radio once with a professional who had attended hundreds of deaths. This person said that relatives strove to be with their loved ones at their last moment but the crucial point was more often or not reached when the relative had just 'popped off' to the loo or elsewhere. It wasn't necessarily deliberate but the dying person sensed their last goodbyes had been said.

It's out of our hands really.

I am so sorry about the bad treatment that some have experienced within the NHS, my husband`s treatment was exactly the opposite, both at the end at also through the previous 3 years of operations and hospital stays, partly in ICU. The doctors and nurses were very kind and caring, and yes, he was a difficult patient at times, having realised that he wasn`t going to get better. He was finally transferred to an NHS hospice near to and connected to the hospital, the staff there were really lovely, he was in a very nice room, but unfortunately he only lasted 24 hours after arriving there. We have no complaints whatsoever in that way, the only anger is towards the GP who a month earlier told him there was nothing wrong with him.

His hospital stay was bad he begged me to stay with him and I did for two weeks He was treated with no dignity at all shouted at and forced to eat . I am still waiting to about the formal compliant I made I even have video evidence on my phone. He refused to go into hospital after that so was taken into a hospice for routine treatment. His stay was ok I found the nurse very cold and brisk and not approachable . I witness one nurse hit an old gent but it was all covered up. My husband was meant to be coming home the day he died but suddenly was in end of life mode as they called it when he was actually drying in his last hours they were actually impatient and very very cold. they didn't seem to understand my grieve and one said to me well it cant of come as a shock why did you think he was in here? I was crying was my daughter and she said I am sorry but can you go to the day room and cry as you may upset other people. I pulled the curtain around the bed and they opened it saying it was blocking the light out so my husband died in full view of strangers and visitors. When he died they said please can you hurry up and clear his locker as we are changing shift now. compassion was hard to find sorry but that was just my experience.

Whatever All i said in essence was do not tar ALL nurses with the same brush I nursed for over 40 years

My neighbour's funeral began with "Somewhere over the rainbow" and ended with "Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye". Typical of her and made everyone feel better.

Sugarpufffairy. I've had bad experiences with the lack of care and compassion in NHS hospitals. Both with the treatment of my Father, which was disgusting. If I hadn't fought to get him released back to his care home he would be dead by now. And by my own experience while in hospital for Bowel Cancer. The Ward I was in was absolutely toxic from the nasty, rude, sneering Sisters to the HCA's who all had the same attitude. The "how dare you complain" and veiled threats of "hope you you're not in a bad accident and need help" and "i feel sorry for any nurse looking after you". DOES NOT SURPRISE ME ONE BIT BECAUSE THIS IS THE ATTITUDE THEY HAVE. Instead of listening to genuine grievances and sympathizing with you, they don't listen and just attack. Might join you with the Dignitas!