to treat 1 grandchild differently because she treats me different?

Daddima, I dont think I.m brave enough, especially as it will be my son who gets it in the neck.
Also my youngest grandson who is Autistic and has always been bullied by his brother (thankfully he's fighting back) will be the one to suffer because he's mother with prevent us seeing him or contacting him, has happened before so I know how she reacts. So send cheques and swallow my pride if I have any left. But as I said before I will not leave him a cent in my will. Petty No I dont think so, I will try and help my youngest grandchild in his future life. My money my choice.

Greenwood Granny, I think it's just good manners to thank anyone for any gift. Have you mentioned it to her father?

I had an aunt who was on the phone about ten minutes into our birthdays to ask if we'd got the present. She was just asking because " you never said you'd got it"!

And Nellgwin, I'd just be telling the grandson, "You're a man now, you don't need my money". ( I know it's petty!)

Incidentally, my father was very uncomfortable with gift receiving, and very little was said at the time. It could be weeks later that he would tell us how the item was the best he'd ever had and how much he used/wore/listened to it.

??

norose I agree!

Everyone, or no one I'm writing a comment to make the point that we tend to make excuses these days for bad manners which were not so much tolerated in the past & I don't think we are doing or young people any favours by making excuses / explanations . I included myself in this, we are very quick to give explanations for what is just a lazy attitude in saying thank you, perhaps it is because everyone has so much more these days so , presents, cards,money etc are not so valued as they once were.

norose4 No excuse? Who are you replying to?

No excuses. we are in danger of breeding a generation of pre-madonnas, & we are not doing them any favours because they are going to be very disappointed when they have to survive on their own in the real world.

My husbands niece is 19. Her mother has always thanked on her behalf, writing a letter to us - more recently with the excuse that she is "busy with revision" or whatever! I have always thought it pretty pathetic! These days there are emails and texts as a way of thanking as well ...hardly takes a long time! Rude in my opinion but in your case, OP, your daughter has clearly tried to settle the "problem". Don't risk falling out ...family rifts are hard to heal! And even in your house, I do think that ignoring attention seeking teenagers is the best strategy ...and clearly the parents strategy!! Why give her attention for it? Ignore, make her behaviour unrewarded!! In the end its not your job to deal with her rubbish, its theirs. I'm sorry for your bereavement, and I think your daughter may well be allowing for that and trying to move things on [flowers[]

Bettebaret, it's not really giving with expectation, it's not like we are all horrible Grans demanding a thank you or else!! It's just disappointing that this particular generation are not being taught simple courtesies of saying thank you. My goodness they all have mobiles strapped to their ears, if they can't be bothered to speak to a relative & don't take a leaf from our book, perhaps it's time to stop giving, maybe quietly save money in a bank account for when they are older. I don't not agree that liking to have a 'thank you' is in some way making it about our need to be acknowledge or expect praise, we say thank you for all sorts of things in life, why should this be the exception!

Granny, you say the 18-year-old's dad "always" thanks you on her behalf. Did he do so this time? Then you've been thanked, imo, though not by her personally. Perhaps they have an agreement that he thanks family members for her? Imo, it's immature of her to rely on her dad, but that's between them.

As far as her not coming over, do you ever invite her? She may not be comfortable with the idea of just dropping in.

Could be she's just very self-absorbed and only thinking about herself and her friends. Not very nice but not unusual for her age, I don't think. TG, you have 4 other gc who have a broader outlook!

But in your title you asked if you're bu "to treat 1 grandchild differently, etc." What do you mean by that? Are you planning not to give her gifts anymore since she doesn't thank you, herself, etc? Or not give her as much as the others? What are you thinking?

I send presents for birthdays and Christmas, don't get a thank you, nor a card for Christmas or birthdays from my daughter or her children. I don't mention it but I have been thinking along the terms for quite a few years now, of not sending them anymore - I heard one woman say the other day, if you give with expectation, you are something or other .... not really a kind person

retirement, that's exactly what I'd do. In fact, I spent a lot of time and effort making a baby play quilt for my Great Niece and heard diddlysquat in return. So I asked her mum if she liked it and would use it. Within a few days I had a message from GN saying she loved it, together with a photo of the baby laying on it. This, from someone I've never, ever had a word of thanks in the past.

Greenwood as you are the Adult make the effort to get to know your GD.

You just do not know what is going on in her world, she may just need a caring interested Gran.

If it does not work out, you have lost nothing.. and if it works you have gained the love of your GD x

I'm not sure how you gave the £100 gift - did you send a cheque or money in a card? Maybe ask DG did she get the money you sent her as you didn't hear from her that it had arrived.

Most of us do not give to get back Paddyann, we are talking about grown up Grandchildren who do not have the manners to call & chat to grandparents & especially to have the nonce to say thank you to any gift no matter how big or small. It is not right to say it doesn't matter if anyone doesn't say thank, it does matter & especially to the older generation who perhaps never had such generosity when they were young. I love young people but not their lack of commen decency & manners , we have bred a selfish generation !

But you could stop giving him money or whatever! nell this sounds an awful situation for you , obviously more to it than you want to share which is fair enough.

Yes have tried on many occasions to speak to my grandson with the result that he walks out the room. I live abroad and on occasions I have phoned and asked to speak to him he has refused to speak to me.
One Christmas my son and his wife and two boys came to stay. I think my eldest grandson was around 15 years old. He refused to speak to me or his grandfather the whole time he was there. I spoke to him, his mother and my son, my son just wanted to keep the peace and my daughter in law just laughed.
I have to say that my eldest grandson rules the roost and my son gave up trying live as a normal family years ago there is a long history here that I won't go into.
My youngest grandson is adamant that he speaks to us and God love him he will not give in to his brothers bullying.
So No I'm not being petty about my Will after years of abusive behaviour from my eldest grandson.

it was a gift do you only give gifts to people who give back...and would they have to give you something of the same value .Its different times for heavens sake,she sent a thanks with her dad ...its hardly the crime of the century....thanks is thanks however it got there .I'm very glad some of you aren't members of my family ,narrow minded ,judgemental and stuck in the last century ...or the one before

In real life you reap what you sow. The girl has to learn this before going out on her own. Her parents are much to blame in that they should have instilled basic manners into the her. Why should she receive rewards from a person she shows no consideration for?

Tit for tat is so childish

No thanks, no more presents. There Must be consequences or she will never learn.

Are you really considering your will a mature punishment

I was told that an Indian Giver is to give a gift and then want it back again afterwards and forever mentioning it.
It apparently came from American Indians trading with the White Man and then stealing back what they had given for the trade. (myth?)

Nellgwynwhy on earth are sending money to a 21 yr old and why is his parent being so stroppy !

Nellgwin when it comes to social faux pasI feel that you as the adult should have made the move to resolve things with a stroppy hormonal 12 yr-old.
Can't imagine how you've let this go on for so long and as for writing him out of your will - what a spiteful example to set any child!