should childhood possessions be removed?

My son has a cupboard full his old stuff and I can't get rid of it. My daughter on the other hand has taken all her things with her. However I do have things belonging to the grandchildren scattered around, I expect that will go sooner or later.

Both our two have houses of their own but we do have more both house space and loft space, so don't mind holding on to some of their things, including books and soft toys. If we ever downsize - unlikely for the foreseeable - they will have to take or chuck it, otherwise it will be a case of clearing the whole house once we've both carked it.

I had held on to quite a few of their toys anyway, and they now come in very useful for the Gdcs.

Before we'd even met, and Dh was away at uni, my normally perfectly reasonable MiL decided, without asking him, to give away nearly all his Dinky Toy collection. I don't think he's ever quite got over that!

I still have some stuff in the attic and some of my daughters clothes eg school blazer. It’s not bothering me just now but if we ever move I’ll be giving them back.

I have just finished clearing out the garage for my dad to move into a bungalow. My mum died several years ago. My dad is now disabled so can't do it himself.

Mum had kept all my school books - several boxes of them. They had been in the garage for many years as I am now in my late 40s. I didn't even know they were there.

I can't believe she kept all the books. It can't have been for me as she knew I hated school. I was mercilessly bullied and was terribly unhappy. The whole lot went straight in the recycling, except for one which will be ceremoniously burned!

Who are you keeping these items for?

I think it's unreasonable to expect university kids to take everything with them if they are living away from home - they may well return home after graduating for a short time during their search for their first career job.

However once that stage of life is over and they are into their mid 30's then it is reasonable to "encourage" them to come and take their own stuff. If they don't want some or any of it, then you have a choice - pick through and keep for yourself just a few "treasured" possessions that are memory jerkers and get rid of the stuff you can't or don't want to hold on to!

If you don't do this, then you're on the first wrung of the ladder to becoming an elderly hoarder.

When I moved I asked my daughter to take what she wanted of her childhood stuff she still had in her old bedroom. She took very little and said to give the rest to charity. I packed up some things and gave away but kept her teddy she had from aged 2 years and an old cuddly dog and a few of her old favourites but did not tell her. Several years later after she had a child of her own she was at my new home and said she wished she had kept her own teddy to give to her son and I sheepishly retrieved it from a bag on the top of my wardrobe and she was thrilled.

I think dh is being unrealistic. He's acting as if your ac all have full-size homes of their own when they don't.

Or maybe he's hinting that not all the stuff can be kept and that it's not your and his responsibility to see that it is, Maybe he thinks each ac should take what they have room for and discard/give away the rest. Sentimental value or not, he may think they need to figure out what to do with each remaining item.

But if you don't want them to have to deal with this, then, by all means, put the items in your attic. Just tell dh you want to keep the stuff for now. The house is half yours, so he can't really say no.

DGS is currently enjoying playing with DD’s duplo, Britain’s farm animals etc which I am so glad we held onto through 3 house moves. Can’t see her holding onto the toys for DGGC so it will back to us along with all the extra bits we buy now from charity shops.

let them make the choice of what to keep and what not to keep my dad threw a bear away when I was 10 and I still feel the pain of that loss to this day, he was my friend and it was just like loosing a friend

We kept things until the children had their own homes and their own families. We had an attic. The only thing as you grow older it is more difficult to cope so put things in smaller plastic boxes all the same size and labelled. things started in standard cardboard office boxes which became fragile and were too heavy to move in later years. I still have some of my father's and mother's things and am doing family history classes with a view to reducing the amount and for some relatives giving their artifacts i.e. prizes one at school in 1880 to museums etc.

I would expect the DC who is established in their own home to take responsibility for all their possessions still in your house, but surely a student's main home is the family home living in shared accommodation, probably moving a lot, hardly constitutes 'leaving home'.

I certainly kept all my DC's belongings, including moving them when we moved house, throughout those transient yeas until such time as they were settled in their own homes and then took boxes of stuff with us every time we visited

We have accumulated stuff from our 4 sons house moves over time- i.e. bags of bedding from when one son had a pub with bedrooms, Boxes of ornaments, records and furniture we don't use when my MIL died, more boxes of books and photos from my Mothers move into a care home, boxes of toys and bags of kids clothes. A whole bedroom is taken over by Stuff I think might be useful later. We keep saying we must clear it all out but its such a big task now. . Don't let too much accumulate or you will be overwhelmed with it all. A few sacred items the kids have made or been awarded are ok and so special when they can show them to their own kids. Photos come in handy at big birthdays or weddings. A box each is a good idea and a box of toys for when the grandkids visit is essential.

Lovely story Newnanny xx

Serkeen no bear icon, sorry!

Yes, delightful story, newnanny!

I haven't read every post in this thread yet, so please forgive me, everyone, if I'm repeating what someone else said. But one way to "keep" sentimental items and still reduce "stuff" is to take pictures of the cherished items. Then one can discard/donate the actual item and yet still "have it" in a photo. It's the one time I know of when you can truly "have your cake and eat it too!"

I've just remembered that my folks moved to a slightly smaller house when I was at university - they weren't downsizing as such, just relocating for my father's job.

But they got rid of a lot of my books, one of which I thought I'd never be able to replace. It was given to me my a grandfather when I was 9 or 10 - all about aquariums and fish-keeping, which I was very interested in at the time, written by a Victorian clergyman, with all his own drawings of various fishes, water plants, etc.
It still upset me many years later to have lost this very old book, but lo, one Christmas my lovely Dh found one exactly the same on the 2nd hand online bookshop, abebooks.. Maybe it's even the very same one!

Wonderful Witzend

I rescued a beautiful book of my mums [already said above, I know] Just retrieved it out of the cupboard, it's a hard back 'The children's treasure book'
Inside it says "Birthday Greetings" 1935, to my mum from hers! Beautiful illustrations. On the very inside page, which is colourfully illustrated, it has my brothers name and add. written [where we grow up as C] So my mum obviously passed this beautiful book onto my brother, him being the eldest C, yet if I hadn't have rescued it, it would have gone in the skip So I'm keeping it now & will read it to my little GD & pass it on to her

newnanny well, your story was the push I needed to tell my other half what's what We've come to a compromise. We'll have the kids go through their things next time each is home, but let them know that there's no pressure to throw things away. That way, the stuff they really don't care about can go, and half of the rest can go with them. The other half can stay, and for DD, who has no space at the moment, we'll store all of the things she wants to keep until she has her own place.

Thank you so much for all your advice, I thought I was being silly for feeling so sentimental about these things, but I now realise it's part of our past and is important.

Yes it's normal for them to leave stuff!
My friend is moving, her son has his own place, not lived at home for years, yet her loft still has some of his stuff.
My DD's both have stuff here, one still has a bedroom, even though she's lived in Scotland for years. My home is a haven to come back to when they need to. When one daughter split from her idiot husband, it only took half a day to put her bedroom back together from all of her stuff she had left behind lol
I left home 39 years ago, and my mother, who is almost 80 still has some bits of mine! And SHE has moved home twice!

So I don think it's unusual for us to still have our darling childrens stuff lingering (or lovingly stored) round the house, attic, loft, garage or even the garden shed.

I think I've got rid of/passed on two decks and a mixer.....[it's a start!]...