I have 3 sons (eldest 27, middle child 24, youngest 17) When my eldest son was 18 I moved from Britain to Australia, without him but with his other siblings. My son didn't want to go and my visa would have expired if I waited any longer.
So I made the choice to leave Britain. Regretfully our contact waned. Years later when my eldest was 26 I offered him the chance to come to Australia. By this time he had been in a relationship with someone, I'm not sure how long but I know they lived together for 12 months by this point.
He refused to leave her behind, so I put my support behind her too and 8 months later they arrived in Australia.
The plan was for them to stay with me while they found work then move out and live locally.
I found his girlfriend difficult to live with, she was clean and pleasant enough but she smoked a lot. She never did so in the house but I could always smell it on her. She was very forgetful and would forget to put things away after using them, I also found her very dependant on my son. Asking him things like "where's this got to? Have you seen x?" I wonder why she didn't look for herself. She seemed pretty useless. My son didn't seem happy. I started snapping a bit and there was an altercation with my Dh too.
He found a job, she didn't. But they could manage on one income and so they decided to move out. I'm very hurt that they did so without telling me. I went to work one day, as did Dh. My other son (16 at the time) was in the house at the time. They had a large cab turn up at 10am and were gone within 20 minutes. They initially had told me they were going to move out 3-4 days after the day they actually did. I also found out second hand that they are now engaged they didn't think it worthy to tell me. I haven't seen his fiancé since.
I saw him that night when he returned his house key but didn't see him again for another 2.5 months, he came over to get some post and we had a coffee. I invited him to barbecues and gatherings but there was always something else to be doing or he was working.
On his younger brothers 17th birthday he came around and stayed for about an hour, brought a card and a present, had a single drink then went home.
I have not seen him since. This was 5 months ago. He has stopped responding to my texts.
Our text contact all but died when I said well if your fiancé was so smart and great with words, she'd be employed by now surely? (This was in response to ds saying his fiancé would happily help youngest ds with his resume, as she was good at that and always knew what to say for the best)
Ds snapped at me and told me she does have a job (nobody had told me that so it was fair to assume she was still unemployed I think) and that my judgements about her were unwelcome. I stupidly also said that I see him less now than I did when he was in the uk.
He pointed out this was "horseshit" since I never bothered to visit. I wanted to visit its just such a long journey and I hate flying so much.
He stopped talking to me then. He hasn't spoken to me for almost 2 months now.
I later found out from middle son that eldest son and his fiancé were having a dispute with the letting agents with regards to some issues (floor damage, I believe) and might have to move. He also shared that eldest sons fiancé is pregnant.
I text eldest son asking where he was moving to. No response. I asked when she was due to give birth. No response.
I text again telling eldest son I was worried about him and invited him to live with me again until he sorted himself out, no response.
At this point he also stopped responding to middle sons contact.
Middle son went to eldest sons home. Eldest son was gone. Middle son contacted the letting agent they had moved out four days prior. Letting agents declined to share further info or forwarding address. Middle son then went to eldest sons work place and asked to speak to him. He was informed by the manager that he had left his job 7 days prior to that and they have no knowledge of where he has gone.
Middle son did speak to a friend/ex coworker of eldest son and friend did say he knows where he's gone but declined to share the information, stating only that he was still in Australia and is doing ok.
I know this is all because of his fiancé.
I just want my son back.
I've brought him (and his fiancé) across the world to have my son back and it seems that I've just lost him instead. I wish I hadn't bothered.
Aibu to just wish his fiancé would let me have my son back?
She has isolated him from everyone and I worry he is being abused by her.
He says he's happy but I don't think he is.
I don't know where he is - Australia is huge and I could drive for 20hrs in a straight line without stopping and still have another 40hrs of driving to do, without reaching the other end of Australia. He could be anywhere.
) I agree.
