Feeling a little uncomfortable about all this virtue signalling

I have always felt that whatever one does to try to help - however small- or large-scale, be it giving a hand to a friend, or doing voluntary work every spare hour, whatever you do.....you do it to help, not to make yourself feel good. And you certainly don't announce it to the world, because for me that cancels it out, makes it only a gesture intended to be noticed and applauded.

I like fb for keeping in touch with family far away, but I do get irritated with a few 'friends' who frequently post pictures of their culinary efforts - cakes, puddings and even the christmas turkey , and go on to say how delicious it was!!!!

I started doing free Christmas meals 20 tears ago for elderly/lonely people it was a huge success but we moved house and I don't know if it continued. Since then I have seen this fetish with the homeless expand so that doing something showy is a bit like going to a panto, part of what makes people feel good at Christmas. All about them!

Last year in Glastonbury we served 250 people free meals, had some complaints that the carrots weren't done and refusals of gifts, once opened as not what they wanted.

Beautiful hand knitted scarves, hats and gloves also refused.

The pub opposite the town hall also laid on meals and gifts, people went from us over the road to see what they could get for free. We had a table for people who wanted to bring their dogs.

It has become obscene and people who think that their children are learning to be kinder etc are foolish, if your child is not kind every day, making it part of the Christmas must do list won't work.

A good many people are homeless from choice, they will not begave at home or in hostels. The prefer to be drunk or drugged than to be in a safe warm place, they often have loving families who have tried EVERYTHING to help them.

We are generating a need for us to fulfil because it makes us feel better. Really the answer to the problems of poverty, addiction and bloody bad behaviour are not to send ' a small boy for the biggest turkey in the shop, some of those people regard us as mugs and will be drifting about causing social chaos wherever they go because they do not want to change.

Over 40 years I have taken in many homeless people, one is now serving 17 tears for murder. Most repaid me with kindness, some changed.

People have to be at rock bottom before they start to work towards change, every warm coat and free meal counters that.

Before Christmas a woman arrived here in town claiming to be on 'the wrong coach' to her mother''s funeral in Glasgow, it was truly freezing out, she gave us some story about domestic violence at home, no money no place to go. I paid for her to go to B&B and for her evening meal, she spent a week with various people funding her jaunt, then went back to London where she suddenly remembered she had friends and support.

We never heard any more about her dead mother in Glashow.

Proceed with caution.

I was brought up to believe that charity should be done quietly, the Gospel story about the Pharisee making a great fuss about giving alms was well and truly rammed down our throats both at home and at school.

I have no problem with a mother teaching her children that there are others less fortunate than them, but the thought of anyone taking an eight year old round town pointing out the homeless sleeping in doorways, I find quite offensive. They are human beings, not animals in a zoo, or exhibits in a museum and should be treated with respect.

My GC Primary school gave each child a red felt stocking to decorate and fill with small presents for a homeless child. This made the children realise how lucky they are and also led to lots of conversations both in school and at home.

I agree with the OP

I do agree with OP, but sometimes the only way for young people to understand something is to have hands on experience , I guess it depends how they behaved , hopefully they had a bit of humility & did go about like lady bountifuls

Ohhps meant Did NOT go about as etc

You're so right.

Such a good post, radicalnan, a realistic picture of how things are for a change, not some romantic idea.

My response to anyone loudly proclaiming all the good deeds they do is a saying my GM often used empty vessels make the most noise. In other words the more they proclaim their virtues the less I believe they are true.

How do we know this lady did what she claimed she did? Are there photos, film clips? I am sorry I suspect that the lady concerned did nothing of the kind.

My mother had been ill for many years and most of the family friends and family members kept up with her news via email or Facebook. After she died we told the immediate family by phone but everyone else by Facebook.

We were all too exhausted by her long slow death to ring or email everyone individually. I am sorry if this disgusts people but that's what we had the energy to do!

Like grandtanteJE65, I go by the Biblical saying, "Do your alms in private" although I'm not a Christian.

I agree with Gill about all the self praise looked for on Fb, though I do use it sometimes to see what my family has been doing. It seems that it's easier to post on Fb than pick up the phone and make a call.

Quite agree with you GillT57. How very crass of these people. I see nothing charitable about it at all.

People who feel the need to brag on FB are needy themselves. Personally, I use it to keep in touch with a few close friends and my DD1 who lives three hours drive away. They share pictures of their children, places they’ve been and recommendations. One friend has just posted a picture of her new kittens. Details of lost dogs and missing persons are shared, and closed groups such as an on-line car boot sale are good. I follow a few groups like the History Geeks, which are very informative, and have gained through my Australian cousin a FB friend who I’ll never meet. FB is what you make it. Anyone who bragged about good deeds as in the OP would be quietly unfriended!

Totally agree with you Paddyann..... talking to the dead by fb what a pathetic lot of people.. but then putting announcements in the local paper every year ‘remembering’ their relatives justs gives me a pain right between my eyes. It’s all rubbish.... it’s saying look at me , aren’t I
I a good person for remembering. The dead can’t see it or hear it ...cos they’re dead. Remember them in your hearts and minds . And the face bookers doing it...for goodness sake get a grip!!

Namechange 2016 - your use of facebook to share the information that your mother had died, having already spoken directly to your close loved ones, doesn't disgust me. This is yet another gransnet thread where the level of irritation and critical comments about fellow human people is a reminder that loving our friends and neighbours isn't as common as many of us would like.

Facebook isn't the work of the devil folks. Some people aren't to our individual tastes, that has always been so. It's life isn't it. We all see things differently but the level of anger and criticism, judgement of others on so many gransnet threads is driving me out.

I do not do Facebook. What I find so strange is when people announce to all and sundry that they are flying off on their holidays for x amount of time.
Why not leave the front door open to make things easier for anyone on a burgling spree who is able to access this site. Nothing online is ever 100% secure, so why broadcast the fact that you are away and the house is empty?
I just do not get it at all.

Hear hear to your last paragraph iam64
saggi Personally I wouldn’t commemorate my relatives in the newspaper, but I did post a photo of my Dad and me on FB, 40 years after his death.
I don’t know why, really. It was just a way of remembering him publically I suppose, like putting flowers on a grave, and showing that I still love and miss him all these years later.
It’s nothing to do with you or anyone else, so I don’t understand why you think I should ‘get a grip’.

NameChange I don't see anything wrong with what you said. It seems a good way to use FB. Before and after you lost your mother it serving a purpose by keeping people in touch. Plus FB is probably where the people involved would expect to find out. I don't even have a problem with the idea of a memorial page.

To be honest I think the current concept of virtue signalling is now overused and a misuse of the original meaning. Take the example that crops up every year now of no longer sending Christmas cards. Not everyone who decides to stop sending Christmas cards is guilty of virtue signalling. Telling you of their intentions could be simply letting you know they've not fallen out with you because you don't get a Christmas card from them. They could be genuinely concerned about the environment, the cost or several other reasons.

Yes, some people jump on the bandwagon, but not all.

Eglantine, is she still your friend? That would have upset me.

There was a thread on GN recently, I'm sorry but I can't remember who started it now, but it was to say that her DS had died, some years ago, and his FB page had deliberately been left open so that his friends could continue to post their good memories of him. The OP of the post had been so touched and delighted that, on the anniversary of her DS's death, his friends had posted wonderful memories of the funny and touching things he had done, that they still remembered with great fondness. That FB page brought a great deal of comfort to his family. If I can find the GN link, I'll post it on here.

Oh, and I don't send Christmas cards either; but I have told friends why not.
1. CBA
2. Think they're a waste of time and money & I'd rather give the money to a charity
3. Don't like them cluttering up my home

I am sticking up for Facebook, used in the right way it’s ok. It keeps me in touch with family while I am traveling and when I am home my many friends in SEAsia are able to keep in touch and I love to see hear and hear what is happening. Also the pupils are are able to get in touch with us and ask us questions like what does trending mean. As.for the Christmas greetings I send cards if I am home, twice in ten years, and the rest of the time greetings on Facebook with a donation to St Munro’s. So please don’t knock it it’s excellent for some of us.

Some care is needed on FB just as on GN. On FB my privacy settings are for friends only and I don’t say I’m going away on holiday, only posting photos I want to share on my return. Even so FB does not know where I live and my name isn’t unique. Used sensibly FB is a boon.