Pitfalls & benefits of anonymity?!

Really?

One small bit of advice I could give any poster wishing to quote some other poster's recent "rude" retort - and it would apply equally to repeating something read in the media - is to make sure that you put " " quotes around it. This is not just because it is polite to attribute it to the original author, but also because if that post is deleted as inappropriate, you will then find yourself held responsible for the abuse as though it is your own invention.

I do also feel that different bits of society, who used to remain separate - just because they lived apart - have a different view on life and what is and what isn't 'rude or forthright" and that has been true of this country for ever varian, but now we are almost like we are looking out from separate worlds not just separate villages in the same country.

I believe we are more divided that at any time in living memory. The leaders of the two biggest political parties are both fearful of a small number of media owners who have influenced many voters and are they unwilling to stand up to them.

As I said - different cultures. I seem to find sympathy comes quite easily for people who are in stressful situations. I don't find that difficult, particularly if they share that with me because I am causing them additional stress without realising it and even more so if it was because they were being personally attacked - nothing to do with the thread. Perhaps someone trying to slide some denigrating remark into the conversation under cover of something that again has nothing to do with the thread - or wasn't that what you were referring to trisher?

I just don't think people are being intentionally unpleasant on here. It is a division of worlds, a division of culture. One persons bad manners is another's discussion believed to be freely entered into by both parties. On the other side there seems to be a culture of agree with me or I will call you names and denigrate you in any way I can because my culture does not allow you to hold that opinion or certainly not to voice it. We are a very divided country - but that is nothing new.

I think I am much the same in real life as on GN. I don't share much personal information because it isn't in my nature to do so. I do say when I dislike something and I am a bit of a stickler about language and meaning (sorry it's just the way I am) That said if somebody makes a mistake and admits they are wrong I would be one of the first to accept this. What I don't like are people who say really unpleasant things and then plead how awful everyone else is to them and how terrible things are for them. I can get quite heated about things I really care about.

I agree with that newnanny - did anyone ever say such a thing?

I think it was GracesgranMK2, but I can't remember who said it, or to whom it was said.

So was the 'one brain cell' ever actually said or are we is this just fake news?

Varian, the media analysing voters' level of education is not offensive but GN poster stating any poster who voted for brexit only has one brain cell is personal insult.

should read : the other sort of swinging!

I remember it well, singing at the top of our voices whilst swinging in the park( that would be on a swing , just in case anyone things I mean the swinging, was far to young then to know what that was !! )

I hope you have found GN supportive too, Gracesgran

So let's think of a group, a number of people, the sort of people who think because it's them they can be rude enough to actually tell or imply that, in their opinion, someone else is being 'rude', nothing specific, just rude.

I guarantee these will be people who are in entrenched disagreement with the opinion the person they are accusing is offering. Never mind rudeness, you may not disagree. You will, at the same time, find a similar and equal number of people saying "good post" or agreeing with what has been written or simply finding the accusing post funny.

Usually they are the same people who will be happy to be personally insulting while not talking about the thread at all in order just to try and stop that opinion being posted or even a poster they have taken a dislike to posting. But of course, they will come on a thread like this and tell us they are NEVER rude. Being 'rude' in their world is someone disagreeing with their opinion as, of course, their opinion is fact and no one should have the temerity to disagree or even question it. Making derogatory personal remarks is not rudeness in their world.

I imagine some of you are already bristling because I have dared to disagree with what you have said here - that's GN, nothing to do with anonymity and everything to do with the culture of the people involved.

PS feel free to point out my typos.

OldMeg here's one
tings
But actually it sounds much nicer than 'things'

Tings - like a walk in the park
Tings - like a kiss in the dark
Tings - like a sailboat ride

I think I'm the same on here as in RL, although I don'tseem to meet people in real life like some of the more 'outgoing' posters on here!

However, I have learnt not to take some remarks to heart and to say to myself that I don't know most of these people and it is, as another poster said up-thread, just water off a duck's back now, although you can also learn a lot from someone with opposing views - as long as they are presented rationally.

The one thing I can't seem to stop myself doing is to rush in to defend anyone who is being 'bullied' by a group and have got myself into trouble for doing so.
I decided that my NY resolution would be not to rush in where angels fear to tread - but I suspect that one will fall by the wayside!

paddyann re your post at the top - although you say I have said things here that close friends dont know and thats good. someone could recognise you and it could appear on FB and Twitter, but ultimately it is up to all of us how much we divulge.

My other NY resolution is to practice some precis.

I try and be kind , and usually err on the side of ‘ if you can’t say anything nice say nothing at all’.

I think I’m pretty much the same in real life , maybe not so quick to fire from the hip because I fully recognise words wound.

What I would say is there are some posters who the moment I see their names in a thread I can pretty much foretell which way the threads going. There are one or two who are so harsh that I cringe when I read their posts.

I am sure they would say they’re only being frank and that it’s only that they’re defending their corner. There’s always a kinder way of phrasing a comment ( they just don’t use it!).

It would be very dull if we all agreed but there is a difference between rational argument, putting a different point of view with reasons as opposed to name calling, disparaging a comment with judgemental words like stupid or using mocking words.
Some people are clearly old opponents that enjoy a ding dong.

That's part of what I mean how do we differentiate between straight talking & being offensive when not face to face. I don't wish to offend anyone , but on sites such as this I some times feel uncomfortable that I am going to offend someone or be offend myself simply because we are not able to read signs, body language etc,

Clearly I have been using the site incorrectly! I use my own name and have no desire to shelter behind anonymity.

I'm the same in RL as on here!
With me, WYSIWYG, I'm a straight talking northerner, and that applies whether I'm anonymous or otherwise!

Sorry. *would.

Ailsa43

I woukd never let anyone make me feel insecure or bullied. Words are just words and believe me, I've had some choice ones thrown my way. Not everyone in this world is rational and I find it much easier to agree with whatever the abuser is saying, no matter what it might be. What can they then say if you are agreeing with them? In your own mind of course, you know that they're crazy and can inwardly laugh at their futile attempts to make you feel uncomfortable. I would never ever let anyone chip away at my sense of self worth. Water off a duck's back. Just let them rant away and hum to yourself. They're not worth getting upset over.

I can identify with that feeling Daisyboots,& have tried to work out whether it is something in my make up that makes me feel the way I do or whether someone is actually being rude or offensive. As humans we have developed the ability to read gestures etc when we are in conversation, but this important part of communication is not available to us on social sights, I think that this is part of the problem.

I don't actually feel anonymous on here. Especially when I have just posted a comment and then find that the thread has been shared by GN on FB. I dont hide behind my name as I try to be kind all the time. But I must admit when some posters are posting on a thread I don't post even if I feel I have something to offer. After 18 months as a member I still feel on the outside looking in.