Gransnet forums


Pitfalls & benefits of anonymity?!

(160 Posts)
Bridgeit Sun 31-Dec-17 14:12:11

Does being Anonymous influence the comments we make on topics,i.e. Are you more rude or forthright than if your identity was known to all & sundry?

paddyann Sun 31-Dec-17 14:14:29

no ,not more rude...I hope.But more open,I have said things here that close friends dont know and thats good.Its sometimes helpful to have a "stranger" to talk to about things you wouldn't want to worry family or friends with

MissAdventure Sun 31-Dec-17 14:14:30

I'd like to think I'm the same in real life as I am on here. I certainly hope I'm not as 'forthright' as some seem determined to be, regardless the tone of thread .

mollie Sun 31-Dec-17 14:22:44

I’m never rude, I hope. I don’t think I’m different here than in the flesh. I say what I think here just as I would face to face.

NannyTee Sun 31-Dec-17 14:47:05

Yes me too

Bridgeit Sun 31-Dec-17 14:55:53

I think I'm a little more strident, I do speak my mind at meetings etc about local issues , but I do slightly worry that I have become a little more sarcastic on this sight, & I think I need to remember a lot of us may be feeling a bit vulnerable at times, but then when I get what I deem as a harsh reaction I feel the red mist descending & get a bit defensive in my replies ! We are only human after all as the saying goes! Imagine how our MPs must feel, but no doubt someone will tell me they get paid enough to put up with it lol

jenpax Sun 31-Dec-17 15:02:10

I try to be careful on all sites. I have seen some very nasty comments made on various threads sometimes to people clearly in distress and some people can be a tad judgemental?

Greenfinch Sun 31-Dec-17 15:34:24

I don't feel anonymous because of the good friends I have met at meet ups.I always try to be myself.

ninathenana Sun 31-Dec-17 15:41:05

I hope nobody would say I'm rude here. I go out of my way not to come across as being so.
I will occasionally express an opinion that I would keep to myself in RL.

NannyTee Sun 31-Dec-17 15:43:47

I think we all strive to be nice and kind and not rude and bossy. Sometimes with text it comes across that way .

NannyTee Sun 31-Dec-17 15:44:55

Not you ninathenana, in general. See!prime example haha.

kittylester Sun 31-Dec-17 15:46:05

What nina says.

downtoearth Sun 31-Dec-17 15:56:32

mollie you are just as lovely in real lifewine

cornergran Sun 31-Dec-17 16:03:21

I'm probably more careful than I would be face to face when I can gauge reactions to a comment and instantly correct any misunderstanding. Still put my foot in it though.

MissAdventure Sun 31-Dec-17 16:05:27

Sometimes when threads are made about quite awful issues, you get to see just what circumstances some people are living with. I would hate to think I had upset someone who was already having a difficult time.

NannyTee Sun 31-Dec-17 16:10:07

I find myself reading more than commenting. Just don't want to put my big clumsy foot in the works.

Bridgeit Sun 31-Dec-17 16:15:50

Agree NannyT & MissAdveture, I don't belong to any other social media sites for that very reason, but even on here what started out as enjoyable suddenly seems at times a little bit cruel & judgmental, then before I realise I am starting to behave the same! hopefully I can keep away from the more vitriolic threads which can be quite seductive. Humans are such strange beings !

NannyTee Sun 31-Dec-17 16:18:04

Yes Bridgeit . Totally understand grin

M0nica Sun 31-Dec-17 16:20:20

I do not think anonymity makes me rude. but as others have said it does enable one to be more open. Although I am aware that I have close friends now whom I met through GN and that also one or two family members who follow GN and know I am on it, have sussed out whom I am from the style and content of my posts.

I am careful not to post anything about friends and family members that might be instantly identifiable and will sometimes tweek any personal anecdotes to make sure that people mentioned in them are not identifiable.

Bridgeit Sun 31-Dec-17 16:24:30

Psychologists could have a field day, there's plenty of data to analyse ??lol

ninathenana Sun 31-Dec-17 17:20:52

NannyTee smile

grannyactivist Sun 31-Dec-17 21:25:01

I think I behave and 'speak' exactly the same on here as I do elsewhere and I would feel very sorry if people were to find me rude or overbearing. I am however fairly forthright in real life, but possibly slightly less so on here simply because, as others have said, I don't know the wider circumstances of people's lives.

Bridgeit Sun 31-Dec-17 22:39:37


WilmaKnickersfit Sun 31-Dec-17 23:24:07

I've never considered this question before.

I agree being anonymous means you can be more open, but I am well aware I have a tendency to want to be liked, so I am not likely to be rude, brusque or anything like that here in the virtual world or in the real world. Very occasionally my halo slips and I say something I immediately regret - and then apologise.

I have to be careful and remember that not everyone is my friend. I do struggle with the forthright manner of some posters because it doesn't feel right to me, but that's my problem not theirs. I've always been opinionated and spent my working life in support/advisor roles, so it's natural to me to suggest what someone can do even if they never asked!

But there's a difference for me between GN and the other online places I post. I learn a lot from being a member of GN. There's such a huge range of life experiences here, partly because of the age of the members - basically from about 50 and upwards - half a century of living in some cases. I'm at the younger end with no children/grandchildren and only one of my close friends had children (child actually). Despite how heated discussions can become, I love the way on GN we can talk about anything and share our opinions. I'm sure the anonymity aspect gives lots of posters the chance to discuss subjects in a way not available to them in real life.

As much as I enjoy posting here, I suspect I get more from reading posts than writing them.

Ailsa43 Sun 31-Dec-17 23:27:09

I;m totally unidentifiable on here , from other sites of which I'm a member, and none of my friends or family know I'm a member of this site or that in fact I have this user name. , so in theory I could be as rude as I liked if I was that way inclined , however in the several years I've been a member I just read this site and never commented on any thread as Im quite shy. Finally I plucked up the courage to post on an innocuous thread..and a member who has posted in this thread immediately attacked me in a mocking manner calling for another member to do the same. That person is on this thread saying they are not rude to anyone.

As it was my first post I wasn't about to permit anyone to bully me from my very first post so I reported this person to admin who were horrified and apologised profusely ..and then admin changed my user name for me.. so that I couldn't be attacked again...

I still rarely post on here due to that person's unwarranted attack on me who ultimately apologised but spoiled the forum as a potential friendly face for me ..