Pitfalls & benefits of anonymity?!

Ailsa43 how horrible for you. I feel admin should also have banned the member.

I think when enough people tell or imply that a poster is being offensive or rude , then that person should get the message, but as is often the case we don't recognise in ourselves that which we are quick to criticise in others.

So many people who are so sure they are always polite - and that others are not.

I have always been interested and involved in politics and I express political views just as strongly in RL as I might do on GN. I think that on the political forum it should be possible to robustly disagree without making personal attacks on those with other views.

In the last few years we have seen elections, the 2014 Scottish referendum and the 2016 EU referendum, all of which have been strongly debated.

Brexit is the most divisive issue of our lifetimes. There has been a great deal of evidence and reporting about how different types of people were more likely to vote one way or the other but quoting these findings is not the same as stating that every poster on the other side of the argument is in a certain category. Because feelings have run so high some Gnetters have taken offense because they interpret certain statistical facts as a personal insult.

When we debate important political matters we should not be told to stop being downright spiteful about other countries' business and the way others choose to vote which is nothing to do with you. It is everything to do with all of us, and our children and grandchildren. That is the nature of politics.

I try to be polite and measured and not to offend others. However, it is impossible to admit to any but a liberal, virtue signalling position in public without attracting opprobrium, anger and insults so it is something of a releief to be able to put a different perspective on things where it is relevant and anonymity allows one to do this.

I read a lot of the threads on this site and am impressed by so many Gransnetters for their insight, compassion and common sense. However, I also have to say that I've been shocked by the rudeness, judgementalness (if there's such a word) and sheer nastiness shown by some. When I read a particularly vitriolic comment I can't help wondering if that person is also that way "off-post" or whether the anonymity of websites enables this sort of thing. As for me, I don't post very often but WYSIWYG.

I have found to my cost that when Brexit is topic some posters do become rude; accusing others of having only one brain cell.

MissAdventure

No, absolutely not.
I love the variety of people I meet and have met and feel very grateful for the opportunity to learn of other people's lifestyles though they may not chime with my own or mine theirs. Bullying and/or making disparaging remarks is not in my nature but telling the truth IS. As a retired lawyer, I often had to sort the wheat from the chaff and I suppose that's where my no-frills way of communicating stems from. As I'm not on fb, Twitter or any of those hatchet-job, soul baring sites so beloved of the vultures waiting to pick over the flesh of easy prey, I don't care how identifiable I might be. I have nothing to hide, some things I could have done better and many that have turned out ok. No regrets. People matter to me, much more than anything else in life. You get back twice what you freely give.

I was about to write that I am exactly the same on GN as I am in real life. Then I remembered contributing to a thread about what colour knickers we wore! As I would consider that far too cheeky to answer normally, I suppose anonymity must make me less inhibited. I try to keep my posts light-hearted (not politics/ religion) and I'm aware that I have been fortunate compared to many others so avoid giving advice about personal situations I know nothing about. In real life I am more prepared to help because I know my friends circumstances.

No it doesn't make a difference to me.

I try never to be rude. Like Paddyann, being anonymous leads to me being more open.

'Oh wid some poower the giftie gie us to see oorsels as ithers see us'

I have no idea if I am the same on Gransnet as in real life. I certainly am not conscious of any difference. I have met quite a lot of Gransnetters at meet-ups and felt I 'knew' them already. I remember saying at the first ever meet-up in Glasgow that it was as if the characters in a favourite book had come to life.

It seems to me that most of us are multifaceted, can be kindness itself on one thread and quite strident on another if the topic is one we feel passionate about.We can all appear to be insensitive at times, particularly when the OP has not given us the full story, such that early comments seem harsh once all the background is known (same applies when people leap into a thread having read only the OP and not all the twists and turns as the thread develops.

I really don't think that there are posters who deliberately set out to be nasty and cause upset. However, I am not fond of those who are 'know it alls' and regularly put down other posters because of a perceived lack of education or knowledge. Often the poster who is slighted in this manner, knows through personal experience much more about the topic than the one claiming to be an expert because they have read all about it.

I too, got fed up with the 'same old' Gransnet for a time, but now, being semi housebound, I'm back as a regular as it is a lifeline for friendship, support, interesting conversations and a bit of fun. God Bless Gransnet and all who post on her.

Anonymity is essential on the WWW if you value your security. It may be impossible to have total anonymity but limiting that as much as possible is a very wise choice.

Remember that everything you put on the Internet is recorded for all time.

What you do with anonymity is up to you but I try to write as I would anywhere else.

quizqueen in response to the first part of your post, it's not always about what has been said, it's the way it's been said. Hard truths can still be phrased in a kind way, or at least not in a harsh way. I'm not going to comment on the second half of the your post.

I find the anonimity allows me to be more open with my thoughts. Also I think the process of writing without the 'baggage' that friends/family define you by enables you to define issues more concisely. Sometimes, of course, you realise when reading a long thread that some vital piece of information has been missed out!
I have received very supportive help on GN and have been given a broader perspective too so am very grateful to people who have taken the time to contribute.

I'm forthright, "tell like it is" but hopefully not rude. Always think about what I am writing before "pressing the button"!

PS feel free to point out my typos.

Generally most people are thoughtful and kind in their postings. Of course sometimes tings get a bit out of hand as points of views and personalities clash.

I’m sure there are others who, like me, would love to say ‘FFS take a break and stop whingeing on and on’ or words to that effect. But I’ve never yet see that posted so there is obviously a grear deal of restraint being exercised.

I’ve yet to see someone in genuine distress who doesn’t get the full backing and support of any of us who are online at the time.

Nope. Its a shame with all the threads about grammar, etc, that some people haven't learned how to communicate in a respectful manner.

Need the truth as one sees it be put harshly though?

Oops again ‘only joined this year’ LAST year of course

Oops went off thread. Yes I do think anonymity makes us a bit braver not always for the better but also allows us to confide and share things we might not want other friends and family to know about.

I too only joined this year, haven’t posted often and have no idea how to start a new thread. I read all the threads with interest and have come to know what to expect from the regular posters. The vast majority are kind, helpful and supportive. The few angry and divisive ones are obviously unhappy souls in need of comfort so come to the right place. Try not to be put off by the few aa they are mahoussively outweighed by the kind gransnetters.
Happy new year to all x

Definitely, people who reach out for support should be free to do so, without being fearful. Its an absolute lifeline when you've nobody close to confide in or ask advice from, and that's the whole idea of this site.

When people post on here about their problems they surely have to be prepared to read all types of comments. If they only want to hear the advice they like then what's the point of seeking general comments. The truth can be harsh but the truth nevertheless. I'm amazed that lots of people claiming not to be rude here today are the very same ones who have often said the most dreadful things about Mr Trump ( and other public figures), some even calling for his assassination. Draw on your own life experiences to give advice -yes, but stop being downright spiteful about other countries' business and the way others choose to vote which is nothing to do with you.