Thank yous

I am totally fed up with some of the younger generation not bothering to acknowledge any gift in any way. If you don't receive thanks - whether it is by phone, email, text or card - how do you ever know it's arrived at the home of someone who may live at a distance? let alone get a hint that it might or might not have been the right thing?
I no longer buy for any adult who cannot be bothered to acknowledge a present from me. I still buy for their children who cannot be held responsible for others' rudeness. But I do not spend the money or time on this activity that I used to.

I handed over envelopes to my son on 22 Dec containing cash for his two teenage children ( his suggestion to me when I asked ) I have not seen them since as they then went away for over a week.
By yesterday I decided to text him asking them to let me know what they had bought or if they were saving it. He replied that they had opened everything and lost track of who gave what. I don’t see why that stopped them thanking me for the money. Until last year their mum dutifully wrote to thank me on their behalf. I expected them to do it themselves by now. Text or iMessage acceptable.

My daughter sits her children down and supervises the writing of thank you letters, though as I saw the the GCs to hand over presents I didn’t expect or get a written thank you.
My niece has written me a thank you note on her small son’s behalf. My nephew has not. Might not bother sending to his family next year.
Do I detect a trend of more females than males saying thank you?

I agree, life is so fast nowadays, that is why thank you notes and texts were so much appreciated.

Always unacknowledged

I sometimes think that because it IS so easy to get in contact usually, people put things off thinking 'Oh, will message/text/skype/email them later, and then promptly forget. When I told my gdaughter that she had forgotten to thank me and that I had been worried, she was so sorry, and the next week I got a very lovely box of chocolates, and she has never forgotten since!
I don't always think that its because they're horrible/rude/don't care, I think its because life seems to move at a much faster pace (if that makes sense!) and some (not all!) do genuinely forget because of how busy and in a rush most people are. xxx

One of the reasons I so appreciated the thank you note was because I had sent a gift to baby no1. For decades I sent baby's mum gifts and then money when in college always I acknowledged. I felt as she had "grown up" and was subtly being thanked for giving all these years. I had not ever stopped giving because that is my pleasure but this thank you meant a lot - the gift was not large but I hoped appropriate. That is also why I said it would make me continue to be generous BUT enthusiastically generous.

I didn't give or receive anything that wasn't handed over personally. Grateful thanks were expressed at the time. My three year old grandson is encouraged to say thank you over the phone if I send anything to him through the post. That's good enough for me.

I used to send Christmas and birthday money to members of the extended family and had to chase for acknowledgement.
That stopped last year. I don't need the hastle!

I'm with Kim19 on this.

Many years ago I received a parcel containing the return of the gifts I sent to my pal's children. This was her way of teaching them no TY letter: no gifts. I was not amused but she explained that I was the only one who might support her in her efforts to teach her children manners or good practice or whatever. Radical and unnecessary in my opinion. It didn't happen twice and I honestly can't remember if I received TY letters after that. Certainly didn't stop the gifts.

I'm a little bit in the dark about why people transfer money into adult children's bank accounts at Christmas. Is this instead of a present? Or is it money to buy the children's presents? Of course that's no reason not to acknowledge the money but maybe they see that lack of effort to choose, wrap etc a present less worthy of the effort of a thank you.

We tend nowadays to accept the thanks for presents from the people we are with and a phone call on Christmas or Boxing day from those somewhere else. Very few adults would send a handwritten letter now as email, text, phone etc are so much part of life.

My dd saves the pictures her ds brings home from nursery to send with thank you notes and he draws a x on them. She also sends a photo card showing him playing with or wearing gift which is nice. I am so glad she is doing this and my sister has commented how much she enjoyed getting the photo card from my dd.

I was visiting DD2 recently, after Christmas, and she commented that she never gets thank you from DD1's (4) children. I don't get thank you either. As OP have said, it would be "nice" just to receive a text/email. It's never been easier to communicate has it? I remember well making sure DDs thanked folks when they were small.

Yes, when you don't pass the present over in person but by post, it is just reassuring to know it actually got there!

For the 2nd year in a row I've had no thanks from a "sort of relative" who is 17 years old...in fact last year the gift was snatched and then he walked away. Once I was prepared to see it as an oversight, but I'm afraid he won't get anything next year

I do appreciate that for young children or those who find writing difficult that a handwritten letter is a real chore especially if there are a lot to do. BUT I'm happy with a phone call, text , email, photo of them, note from parent, word processed round robin type letter - any sort of acknowledgement really.

I dont feel I can stop sending to SiLs children in spite of no thank you letters as she gives generously to my GC!! However Im pretty sure mine do send thanks.
I have sometimes asked her if they got presents and if they liked them and then she apologises for them. But she's never been good at thank you letters herself and nor have her (now adult) children.

I tried hard to get something useful for my DS and their wives/girlfriends, which also had to be carried by DS2 across the Atlantic. So I was delighted to hear both from my DS3 and his girlfriend by Whatsapp that the little travelling cutlery set I had got for them were a perfect choice. And DiL1 also sent a lovely thank you e-mail saying that all the little bits and pieces I sent were just right.

DiL2 tells me that the present I had got for DGD was exactly what she had ordered for her herself, but she could cancel the order in time. So if I chose the same as DGD's mother, I can't have been far wrong!

Trust the girls to be thoughtful about this sort of thing! (And also to give useful feedback!)

I would love a gift to be able to send a thank you note!!!
As I never see grand children and they are in their teens now i save money and do not send anything still waiting to receive a thank you for the money I sent to my son for his wedding and that was over 20 years ago

Just received a lovely homemade thank you cards with photos of my nieces and nephews that I sent Christmas money to.

A very pleasant suroruse

It's a minefield isn't it? I send gifts to various far flung young members of the family and almost always get a text, card or personal thank you. I drummed into my children that if someone thinks of you and sends you a gift then a few moments taken to thank them is hardly a strain, but I have one young relative who never responds, even though I have sent her birthday and Christmas gifts for years. For special birthdays I have had items of jewellery made or ordered something really different for her, and I have no idea if she got them - she never says and I hesitate to ask; my fault probably. OH says I should stop sending anything if she can't be bothered. but my feeling is that I don't send a gift to be showered with thanks - I want to give her something to make her happy and let her see that I think of her and remember her special day. It's probably gone on far too long now for me to start getting shirty!

Yes I agree. I've never received a proper thank you from any of my nephews/nieces - I believe that their parents think that it doesn't matter because 'you're family'. It does matter.

I'm not too worried about thank yous, really. I assume somebody enjoyed my present or money, so that's good enough for me. If they didn't: well that's tough.

It is not so much that you need to be thanked but it means an awful lot to have good feedback on the success of your choice. I go to (some might say) ridiculous lengths sometimes to get just the right thing and it feels like a snub to get no comment on whether my efforts were worthwhile.