In case anyone is in doubt I was being ironic. If you could see my family you would know why.
Think your post was very moderate mama caz given that you thought I was serious 
It seems to be my day for letting levity get me into trouble. 
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AIBU
carers not doing their job
(116 Posts)I was seething today and I don't seeth very often.
I go to a knitting group. A person in a wheelchair turns up with their carer. Room has to be made and one knitter was asked to move to another seat to make way for the carer. The wheelchair is next to me. When coffee time came someone made this person a coffee in a mug they had with them. I now have to get involved as he/she cannot reach the table to put it down. They then get a carton of special milk out and fill the mug to the brim. Not wanting this over me some was tipped away by another knitter. In the meantime at two different times two knitters tried to get this person knitting without success. Later the lady who runs the group notices the carton of milk on the floor spilling out over the carpet. The lady who runs it gets down on her knees she's over 70 and cleans the floor up. The carer so called does absolutely nothing and isn't sitting next to her charge, I am.
Of course being an all inclusive group we have to let anyone in who wants to come. I know it sounds unkind but this person was not capable of knitting in any shape or form. This carer knows she can have any easy ride and rest by bringing this person along and basically dumping them there while she has a relaxes.
Strangely enough I have another example from the day before (which probably added to my annoyance today).
DH and I were on a bus and a wheelchair with carer got on. After a little while there was the ghastly smell of some greasy take away. It became evident the man in the wheelchair was eating it. He then tried to attract the attention of his carer who had earphones on and it took another passenger on the bus to poke him as the man in the chair had dropped the food all over the floor of the bus. The carer did clear up after a fashion, but did he think it was a good idea to give food to someone with limited capacity a meal on a bus....I question where they get these people from and why aren't they doing the job they're paid for.
The same thing happens with some childminders/nannies who take their charge along to the various toddler groups available. I think they need a break/rest and see the socialisation as a help to both them and the one(s) they have to care for sometimes for long hours without a break.
Looking back, I see that you are right, Maggiemaybe. My post should have been directed to the person who made the original comment, not to Eglantine's response to it - sorry Eglantine.
Maggiemaybe
"... of course a black person accompanying a white man would be his paid carer. I mean, how else could it work?"
You don't think perhaps that the person who posted this had their tongue firmly in their cheek, MamaCaz?
With hindsight, you could be right, but to be honest it can be very hard to tell sometimes!
some disabled people are just not suited to an environment which is very cramped
I would ask the carer to help, in a nice way, and keep on asking. Somebody has planned for the person to go along and have at least some sort of activity, and that person should be facilitating it. It really makes me angry seeing 'carers' who can't be bothered.
"... of course a black person accompanying a white man would be his paid carer. I mean, how else could it work?"
You don't think perhaps that the person who posted this had their tongue firmly in their cheek, MamaCaz?
"... of course a black person accompanying a white man would be his paid carer. I mean, how else could it work?"
If you made that statement on the basis of colour alone, you could be surprised -they could actually be family! It is not unknown even for twins to have the colour and features of totally different ethnic backgrounds. I'm not saying that this was the case in the instance you mention, and there might have been obvious signs - uniform, for instance - that one was a paid carer, but even so ... Just saying!
She maybe missed pout the word "user" as I have done myself before now.
It says something about modern life when the poster says ...a wheelchair with a carer got on the bus!
are you suggesting that wheelchair users shouldn't take part because the area is"cramped" but if she/he could make it under their own steam they would have been welcome ? Seems a very strange attitude..hope you never find yourself in need of help or in a wheelchair.I must watch out for this attitude as my D in her 30's has just eben told she'll need a wheelchir within months ,lets hope she doesn't meet many people like you!!
Oh dear this thread is going from bad to worse, it does seem as if the carer and the group got off to a bad start. Maybe the OP could help them assimilate more next time. As with any group though it does not work for everyone and just because a person has a disability does not mean they want to be part of the group.
Yes I thought that too Eglantine !!
Yes of course a black person accompanying a white man would be his paid carer. I mean, how else could it work? 
Is it a “knit and natter” group? We have one at our local library and no one cares if you knit (or sew), it’s the meeting people and natter that they go for.
In the situation you describe, perhaps when refreshments are served you could turn to the carer and say “ I can see you are needed here would you like to sit here while xxxxx has her drink? “ That leaves you out of the group but only while the tea is drunk.
Most busses have a notice saying no food to be eaten but few drivers enforce it. I am frequently overwhelmed by the smell of MacDonalds food when I get a bus from town as there is one right by the bus stop, frequented by passengers just before getting on with their takeaways. Why does it smell so enticing?
Unfortunately many paid carers are just people who have to take any job going. They are not necessarily predisposed to be sympathetic caring individuals. The pay and conditions are poor and there is a very high turnover among them.
I've seen and worked with excellent committed ones and ones I'd like to kick up the backside. Sounds like the OP has experience of the latter kind!
These were definitely paid carers not family members we come across them a lot at the knitting group. The one on the bus was a white man with a young black carer, so I do not know for sure, but are pretty certain he would be a paid carer.
I think a lot of you are missing the point, I have not truck with the wheelchair users, it is their carers I am cross with. People need to realise some disabled people are just not suited to an environment which is very cramped (God help us if there were a fire). We already a have couple of ladies who have to be brought by dial-a-ride so are unsteady on their feet. They are both lovely and we help them all we can as they arrive under their own steam without carers. Good sense needs to prevail.
Many carers are not professional carers but family and friends who have volunteered to help out. You don't know on what terms the "carer" that attended was employed (if they were employed) - she might be more of a transport escort and not qualified in personal care. What would you do if someone else in the group had split something?
My DH has been my carer ever since a life changing accident. He still works fulltime and has to fit his "caring duties" around that washing, bathing, all transport out of the house, medical appointments, physio appointments cooking, cleaning etc etc
He drives a 20 mile round trip in his lunch hour to sort my lunch daily. So he is exhausted and often forgets to be the "perfect housewife". We have had words this morning after he split my porridge on the floor and didn't notice - so it can happen easily.
I think sometimes it can be a hard balance to know when to jump in and help and when to allow the disabled person to sort out their own problems/ask for help - I know that I have snapped at DH from time to time for swooping in and not allow me any say it how things are done.
Sometimes when you are disabled you just want some social interaction outside your own 4 walls. It is sad to know that groups such as OP's are not welcoming unless you can achieve their standards.
OP - how do you know that this was a paid carer? I ask because since DH developed Dementia I have been inundated with leaflets urging me to take him to various groups, including singing and craft groups, where he can 'socialise' and I (the carer) can relax for a bit.
I'm also reminded that after a fall, DH was walking with a zimmer frame and we hired a wheelchair to take him to various events and on holiday. No training was given as to how to get him in and out of the chair or what to do on steep hills etc. We (two DDs +me, none of us over 5'2") must have appeared totally incompetent as we tried to transfer this big man from car to chair, take him to the toilet etc. Thank Goodness for the 'kindness of strangers' who came to my/his assistance rather than seeing us as a problem or inconvenience.
Being paid low wages doesn't mean you don't have to do the job properly.
It seems, as in all jobs, that there are good and bad carers. I hear a lot about different carers from my mam who has a lot of elderly friends (well she's elderly too lol). Some of the carers are wonderful whilst others do the minimum possible.
If the lady is brought again make sure the carer does her job by pointing out when her attention is required. Did the carer knit?
Neither of the carers overthehill came across was doing their job, if they were indeed paid helpers. What was the one at the knitting circle doing while others were making the new member a drink/mopping up the spillage/trying to help her knit? The OP isn't at fault here for pointing out that the two vulnerable people weren't actually being cared for at all, and if this is how they are treated in public, it doesn't bode well for the help they receive behind closed doors. DMIL had carers at home four times a day and they were, with one exception, caring and hard-working people who built up a relationship with her, took a pride in their job and made sure her needs were met. It's unfair to carers to imply that because they are poorly paid they often don't do their job properly, or are somehow not up to the job - there are bad apples in all walks of life.
All of the carers that I have come into contact with have been very helpful and professional.
The carer at the knitting group does not sound as though she is qualified and may be doing the job as part of a work related scheme of some sort or she could be an unwilling relative,the gentleman using the wheelchair on the bus (please op notice the person not just the wheelchair) may have been house bound and grateful for some kind soul taking him out on a bus it is unfortunate he had this accident.
Why not offer to help the lady with her knitting between your group and make her feel welcome you all sound very standoffish to be honest.
I think we must be careful not to shoot the messenger here.
The OP was pointing out, certainly in the first instance, that the carer was just not doing their job properly and I agree.
She should have it pointed out that it is her job to cater to the needs of her charge, saying she is poorly paid, doesn't do it for me, it is a job she chose and she is doing it badly.
People of very different characters become disabled - it is OK not to like someone if their behaviour is a pain. The fact that they are in a wheelchair is not relevant.
When teaching a group if students, I sent them out into town with one of them in a wheelchair and asked them to try and do various things (I knew they were things that the town hindered for wheelchair users). When they came back they were less excercised by the lack of access than they were by the attitude of the general public, who fawned over the lass in the wheelchair until she started messing about (as teenagers do) when they were very shocked indeed. How dare a disabled teenager behave normally and fail to fulfill the angelic long-suffering image of a disabled person!!
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