Gransnet forums


To feel left out?

(152 Posts)
Happygran1964 Wed 31-Jan-18 22:47:06

I am not looking for sympathy and I hate moaning but could do with some opinions please.
My son is getting married soon to a lovely girl and I am delighted for them. However, I feel our side of the family is being left out of everything.
His fiancée has chosen her mum, sister and niece to be her bridesmaids whilst my daughter and four grandchildren have given no special role to play. My son has asked my other two sons to be joint Best Man but my daughter has been left out.
I wasn't asked if I would like to go with my future dil to look at wedding dresses, only her family and she constantly points out wedding related themes to her family on social media but never includes my name.
I apologise for the whinge but I do feel hurt, rightly or wrongly.

Bridgeit Wed 31-Jan-18 22:52:20

Hi Happygran1964, ohh it’s a bit of a difficult one isn’t it, I would possibly try to rise above it,wear what you like & enjoy the day . That old saying still rings true I think

A daughter is a daughter for life ,but a son is a son till he takes a wife.

MissAdventure Wed 31-Jan-18 22:52:22

Ah, it does sound rather hurtful, even if its not deliberate. Have a moan here, get it off your chest. Its a shame your grandchildren and daughter haven't been included in the special roles too. flowers

Luckygirl Wed 31-Jan-18 22:54:19

I think you must try and swallow this resentment, because it will get you off on the wrong foot with them. And that would not be constructive, especially as at some point you could be sharing grandchildren.

It is clear that your future DIL has a close relationship with her family and has involved her Mum and sisters; just as your son has involved his brothers.

I think you need to go with the flow on this - or offer some service that you and/or your DD could do - perhaps help with the flowers, the music or some other aspect of the ceremony...."I would love to do XYZ for you both...."

I am sure this is just thoughtlessness as she is caught up in the excitement of it all. Please don't let it sour your future relationships with her.

Enjoy the wedding!

Happygran1964 Wed 31-Jan-18 22:56:18

Yes that saying is very true, I only have one daughter and we are very close, she isn't a believer in marriage though so I doubt I will ever see her as a bride! 🙂. I've already been through this with one son but at least my daughter was bridesmaid then, I also have a younger son who was recently engaged! Aaarrgh!!

lemongrove Wed 31-Jan-18 22:56:42

It’s what happens when a son gets married Happygran and very different when your daughter marries.
You have to shrug it off.

Happygran1964 Wed 31-Jan-18 22:56:50

Thank you for the flowers missadventure. X

lemongrove Wed 31-Jan-18 22:57:21

Must add, I understand how you feel ( been there, got the tshirt!)

Happygran1964 Wed 31-Jan-18 22:58:08

Thanks for the replies. I won't say anything or let it spoil our relationship, it's just hard being the mum of boys sometimes.

pensionpat Wed 31-Jan-18 23:01:06

I was told when my first son got married the role of the grooms mother was to wear beige and keep your mouth shut.

Bridgeit Wed 31-Jan-18 23:01:33

Ps, I am sure you will look gorgeous,enjoy the day

Happygran1964 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:01:52

Sounds about right Pat smile

Happygran1964 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:02:38

Thank you Bridgeit, I am trying hard to lose some weight!

MissAdventure Wed 31-Jan-18 23:03:02

grin pensionpat!

Bridgeit Wed 31-Jan-18 23:04:11

That’s so funny Pensionpat, ( I bet / hope you didn’t!)

Bridgeit Wed 31-Jan-18 23:06:34

Invest in some rigid underwear 😄& practice breathing in 😄but more importantly really hope you enjoy it best wishes 💐

Happygran1964 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:08:11

Bless you and thanks. 😘

Bridgeit Wed 31-Jan-18 23:08:51


Jalima1108 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:15:40

I have never heard of a bride's mother being bridesmaid - very odd!

Keep smiling! smile [smile smile
Yes dear, that sounds lovely smile

pensionpat Wed 31-Jan-18 23:17:11

Well I did wear beige.

cornergran Wed 31-Jan-18 23:17:27

I do understand happygran, it is hard being the Mum of boys sometimes, but you know not always, there are positives too. I did feel a similar way about one, much more included in the other. I think the key is not to have too many expectations, if there’s something you really want, or indeed don’t want, then say so but gently. If there’s something you are particularly interested in then offer to help/pay for/support in whatever way is appropriate. Be quietly interested in it all. I would have loved to be involved in wedding dress fittings, but wasn’t, I hope my disappointment didn’t show. Grumble away here, it’s good to vent, but don’t let it impact relationships. It’s just a few hours from a lifetime. Choose something you feel good in, be relaxed on the day (no pressures on you),enjoy it all, please don’t let disappointment spoil anything.

Happygran1964 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:18:13

I thought it a little odd myself, but my fdil is very close to her family, a little too much for my son's liking 😃.

Happygran1964 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:19:23

Thank you cornergran and I'm sorry you experienced similar. X

Bridgeit Wed 31-Jan-18 23:22:39

Your son is going to be so proud of his lovely caring Mum,whilst you support each other with a knowing look, occasional gritting of teeth , & a bit of a wry smile. Just enjoy it allxx

Jalima1108 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:34:55

And wear something lovely!