Should I say anything?

It is really sad that you are willing to allow yourself to be sad about an event 10 months away that may or may not happen. I think you you need to remind yourself that yesterday has gone, tomorrow isn't here, but today is here - and you and only you can decide whether you want to enjoy it or be miserable......and you and you alone are the only person who can make that choice!

Our kids have their own lives so why should they include us in all their plans.
To be asked would you like to come with us or will you come with us is another matter.

I've spent many Christmases alone when kids spent alternate Christmases with their father. Actually after running round for everyone else pre-Christmas, I find one day when I can eat what i want, watch what i want, and chill out is most welcome. Now I'm older, I adore being a grannie but I do cherish some me time

Emelle
I'm quite shocked that any parent would be 'put out' or feel slighted at not being included in their children's plans at Christmas (or any other time)
I thought that the whole idea of having children was to love and nurture them into adulthood and be pleased when they grow into self-sufficient adults.
I gather, from your reference to 'we' walked the dogs, that your OH was at home with you so it's not as if you were alone.
IMO, and you may well disagree, it wouldn't be a good idea to mention it. Why should adult children feel (or be made to feel) guilty about doing what they want over the festive season? Not good at all.

There are phones, Skype, Facetime and Whatsapp to stay in contact with you. So true... (Though not the same.)

Tell each of them their allocated communication time, "because I shall be speaking to your brother/sister at x o'clock." Then sit back and see how long it takes them to work it out!!

minimo
Hmm, I can understand your being sad but I'm sure that your chidren just haven't thought a great deal about next Christmas or even next week. Plans change and they may not have discussed future events with each other so they're unaware that you'd be alone. It might be an idea to look online for organisations which cater for mature single people at Christmas or why not invite a friend to stay for the day (nearer the time)
I stayed on a family farm one year and had a brilliant time.
Families often do their own thing nowadays and we, the older generation, must find our own pleasures and not be dependent on things staying the same as in years gone by. Please don't mention it to them as it might make them feel guilty and that wouldn't be right.
I hope you find a happy solution.

Our neighbour opposite has 7 children, all with numerous children of their own and some with grandchildren, too. As not all the family fit in the house at any one time together, and certainly not at Christmas, when you can't sit out in the garden, she has them round a group at a time.

That way, she has the joy of Christmas spread over a longer period. What's not to like?

So if you arrange with your children's families to come when it suits them, provided everyone mucks in with the cooking etc., you can spread Christmas over December and January.

If you do find yourself on your own, do volunteer at Crisis at Christmas or one of the other charities that lay on a Christmas lunch for the less fortunate. Then go home and drink something nice and have whatever treats you like to eat and binge watch Christmas TV. It sounds like quite a nice day to me.

I have never understood why it is import to be with someone at Christmas...you have the rest of the year to enjoy their company....

Sorry to hear your going to be alone Me personally wouldn't dream of stopping their plans either and like you say with the other Gran poorly sounds like they need to Unsure what to say other then you have a kind heart. Your daughter obviously takes after you too.

My DS comes for an early Christmas weekend at my house a week or two before the 25th. This is with with his older DC who live near me. At Christmas they are with their DM, he is with his DP and their young DC at the other end of the country and I’m at DD’s. It works for us!

Why dont you plan a late 'Christmas' get together/dinner some time in the New Year. Save your pressies for then and try to make it like the real thing. Will be something for you to look forward to. And then perhaps you can enjoy hunkering down with some special treats for yourself on the 25th.

All three of our AC had plans for Christmas just gone which did not involve us so we went walking with our dogs on Christmas Day. Even so I was upset by their lack of consideration and I wish I had said something because it still rankles with me and has put a slight strain on our relationship. So maybe you could think alternative plans but let it be known that you would like to be shown some consideration too.

Meant to say tin of chocolates but ton seems even better!

The first time this happens is horrid, I do feel for you. Lots of great advice on here 25th is just a day. Pamper yourself, volunteer at a shelter, invite a lonely friend, lots of options. Then plan for a wonderful celebration on the first date in the new year that they’re all available.
Put up the tree as usual and enjoy the whole holiday, long soaks in the bath, a few good books, a ton of chocolates and the remote control all to yourself. There are pluses x

Could you ask for hotel vouchers for your birthday/Mother's Day/Christmas present (in advance for Christmas) without saying you were upset about probably being on your own at Christmas and then book yourself a nice hotel trip as a treat? There are lots of singletons who like to do Christmas in hotels and I believe the meals and company are usually great fun. I have spent Christmas Day on my own several times and it is, after all, just one day out of the year.

Do you have friends that may be in the same situation as you so that you could all get together and share in the cooking too?

I can understand how you feel, but they have give you plenty of warning and time to organise yourself. For a lot of young people who are working the extra time off work at Christmas gives them the opportunity to have a holiday further afield.

Very good advise given already. I’m sure members of your family will ask what you are doing at Christmas eventually and invites ( should you want them ) arrive. In the meantime start putting abit of money aside each month and if you don’t take up any invites that are offered, you can treat yourself maybe to a hotel break or to something you have always fancied.But answer to your question is NO don’t say a word, they will converse and then you will be approached about it. Don’t be sad.

I can understand your disappointment, but as others have suggested, try volunteering in your area and I’m sure, not only will you really enjoy the day but your family will be so very interested in hearing all about it afterwards.
Also, arrange a ‘Christmas Day’ for you and your family to enjoy before hand.

My son's partner is Brazilian so every other year they spend Christmas in Brazil. Christmas these days, is like any other day to me so I "manage" very well when they are away. The last thing I would do is to make them feel guilty and spoil their plans. There are phones, Skype, Facetime and Whatsapp to stay in contact with you.

The problem is that commercial interests have built christmas into a huge family happy time - it’s almost compulsory in this fairy tale event.
How often does ‘happy christmas’ actually reach the expectations we place on it? There is such a build up for one day of the year and let’s face it, we are led to believe all kinds of excesses will make us ‘happy’ and after all of the rush and tear it is almost a relief when it is over. The mistake we make, I think, is having TV full of the idea of lots of people having fun, which makes existing loneliness and isolation more acute. My memories of childhood christmases is that they never lived up to the hype. We ALWAYS had to visit my gran ‘in case it was her last year’. One great-aunt would insist on playing the piano even if other folk wanted to see a programme on TV, then everyone had to be quiet while she watched something or other. The aunts would all talk together, none listening to what the others were saying and an uncle would harass us with endless platefuls of food which we felt obliged to eat even though there was a strong possibility of being sick afterwards. The great aunt was the wealthiest of all of us but gave the cheapest tat she could find, for presents.. My mother always bought the same regulation underwear or stockings for everyone and spent more than we could afford, and it was rare if someone didn’t upset someone else and not speak for months. No, christmas ain’t like it used to be... thank heavens!

I can understand your sadness sometimes those closest to us don't always consider our feelings Maybe you could join in the celebrations at your son or daughters in laws a lot can happen over the coming months. You could have your celebration on another day so your still having a family day and maybe if you suggest this it might make them realise how you are feeling .I've found that by keeping my feelings from my family isn't always for the best although we like to put on a brave face to our children occasionally we need to let them know we are sad lonely or any other painful emotions we are feeling

That happened to me once or twice minimo. Husband was Merchant navy so away at sea or later on kids stayed at uni. Once I helped with Crisis and there were many very nice people there, volunteers and customers. I enjoyed it. Once I was a DJ at hospital radio. They are always glad of helpers to go round wards getting requests too and cheering up patients.

i had several christmas days on my own before my daughter and grandaughters moved back in with me.
but i enjoyed the time as i could do whatever i wanted. i decorated the house as usual and bought all the things i usually buy and just indulged myself.
i ate roast turkey and all the trimmings followed by christmas pudding and later on cut the christmas cake i had made ... really good days.
of course i missed my family but i wasn't lonely or miserable just happy to be able to enjoy myself.