Is it usual to go off sex at 65

LynnieMA - please seek some help from womens aid. You do not have to endure this.

Good luck, Lynnie. You will get all kinds of helpful advice and support if you keep posting here. Please do.

Golden Rule - ignore what you read in the press which is all written by people who are in the main not qualified by experience to know what urges people do and don't have in their 60s+

Thank you so so much for all your kindness and supportive words - I am finding it all too difficult to breathe at the moment. I (stupidity) thought this existence is what life is - as it’s all I’ve ever known. Thank you so much - I need to process all this now. Thank you for letting me hope this is not usual and everyone isn’t living like this. Thank you

driverann

That IS unusual. Wow!

Nanawind

? very droll.

Sorry about errors. Using a stylus.

I don't think it's unusual. I myself woukd much rather have my bed to myself and read, have a cup of tea or whatever than get messy...??
I've had a great sex life with my ex and we have 5 children who hsve given us 9 gc and 3 ggc.
I'm 73 and pretty fit for my age, wear nice modern clothes but not mutton dressed as lamb and have an OH whom I met 5 years agoon a dating site. He's 22 years my junior, a divorced professional with 3 children under 12. We don't live together although he regularly asks me to get married and move in with him. He knows the score. I don't want sex but he is happy...more than happy, to 'compromise'.
I am used to doing what I want when I want and, although retired, I do p/t proofreading/editing for a publishing company and I'm a volunteer for SAMS.
I've advised him to look elsewhere and just be friends but 5 years of telling him this haven't made him less interested.
I just can't be bothered and, to be scrupulously honest, if it had been acceptable to have children without marriage or co-habiting, then I would have boarded that train.
As it turned out, my ex worked offshore so I WAS on my own a lot which suited me fine.
So...sex in my book is overrated.

Lynnieme, you are a worthwhile person, your husband has made you feel that you are not. Please leave him, you’ve endured 50 years with this cruel man, please do not lose any more of your life with him. Leave!

LynnieMe your post brought tears to my eyes. You need to think about getting out of the situation that you find yourself in. It is a destructive and potentially dangerous place for you to be. Perhaps you could talk to a trusted professional e.g doctor, solicitor someone who can offer some help and advice. Your comment about not being a worthwhile person speaks volumes about how you view yourself and you need help. Please find someone to help you.

LynnieME please please get help to leave this awful man(if he can be called that) he might not have hit you yet but who knows what can trigger his nastyness. You are NOT a toy you are a human being and deserve respect. You are a worthwhile person it's his problem not yours. Yes it might be hard and frightening but at least you will be safe and that is more important.

but guess if I was a more worthwhile person H would not feel the need to let his anger boil over. I’m gobsmacked that you should ever be made to think that you are not a worthwhile person because of this monster! You are in an abusive relationship. Get out if you can, and soon! My heart goes out to you.

In my opinion it's part of a perfectly normal range of variation. Many people do and many people don't, and I don't think anyone should feel guilty about it or feel they have to go scurrying around finding treatments.

“Let us find a space where we mutually, consensually look out for each other’s pleasure, and allow the vast, limitless range of desire be expressed.”

- Natalie Portman

“Been there, done that” doesn’t seem like a limitless range of desire to me.

It sounds more like boredom.

I think you're going wrong by allowing your husband to treat you like some kind of object.
He needs a good kick up the arse!

Thank you two for sending an answer - it’s all I’ve ever known since I was 14 (50 years now). I’m constantly criticised (screamed at actually) but guess if I was a more worthwhile person H would not feel the need to let his anger boil over. He did say “whatever he does he has not actually hit me”. I’m pretty desperate at the moment and so grateful to be able to share this and find out (maybe) where I am going wrong. Thanks again

Lynnie he sounds horrendous, is there any way you can get out?

I don't think it's rare to go off sex as you age, after all the hormones which are responsible aren't exactly raging any more are they? The opposite, in fact. Maybe men retain an interest for a bit longer, I couldn't say for sure.
I've barely any libido which is just a well as I'm widowed. If some hunky male were to make himself available would I take him up on the offer? No, I think I'd offer him a cup of tea and a chat instead.

LynnieMe
What on earth keeps you in the same room let alone the whole property with that person.

They can if they want to, but they prefer to whinge about it. Many it seems, not all. Have they not heard about self-control?

Clakka I agreee with Bridgeit"s first reply.

I'm alone - have been since widowed at 42, had small liaison, but it turned out he was using me, for 5 years when I was 50. My children know me for my saying "I don't do sex" (which actually comes from my qualification as Psychologist!) However, bad experiences have made it so I just don't want to do it.

I suppose if your DH wants to have a bit of sex it would be a loving thing to give him some pleasure, but talk to him and ask him to appreciate it is not something you want every night. Also on the practical side, at our age we do need some lubrication as after the menopause we haven't got the usual fluids to make it comfortable and pleasant.

I wish you lots of luck and hope if you do give your DH some joyful experiences, that they turn out to be great fun for you too!

My husband (ex) used to tell me I should never refuse him and surprisingly, I lost interest and felt a guilty failure. It is only recently with people questioning the Muslim (? I think) notion that a wife should never refuse her husband, that I thought perhaps he had been wrong all those years and not me.

It is amazing what effect a new lover can have! Even at an advanced age.

My H only wants to trawl through porn sites and is very loud and abusive if I do not instigate this buy "dressing up". There is no love ... only sex (if he can manage it and apparently it's my fault if he cannot). He says he has had enough and (once again) won't speak to me, eat anything I've prepared, sleep in the same room etc etc. He says we have no marriage. Although violently abusive and destroys the house he is perfectly "charming" to outsiders. Help please ......

Mine went mid 30's I'm not really bothered, too much aggravation !

Clakka
Meant variety.